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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to still go out?

58 replies

Hoopaloop · 03/06/2018 21:59

I've not long been in from going out partying. DH is livid as he says it's too much too often. I go out once a month on average, usually with a few of my old rave mates (DH not interested) to Bristol or London. I won't tend to even get out of the house until gone 7 on a Saturday but like to go to a few clubs then back to mates to put some tunes on and chill for the day.
DH says it's got to stop. Before we met/had DS, I'd be out Friday to Monday but I've had to stop. Is it reasonable to expect to go out occasionally?

OP posts:
ScarlettDarling · 03/06/2018 22:22

I'm all for having a night out but a whole night followed by a whole day is a bit too much on a regular basis. Compromise is your friend here. Have your night out but go home when the clubs close instead of staying out for the whole of the next day.

ChocolateDoll · 03/06/2018 22:22

You’re off your head and you’re lucky he’s still with you.

He is right, this has got to stop.

What are you going to say when ds is old enough to ask where mummy has gone for days on end every weekend?

maddening · 03/06/2018 22:23

But when a mnetter posts about a husband who goes out possible even more and despite challenging issues experienced by the wife she is told she should let him go and should be able to cope etc etc - double standards!

Yanbu op

LittleBirdBlues · 03/06/2018 22:24

So you leave around 7pm, presumably close to bedtime, on Saturday night. Then you effectively have all of Sunday away from the family. Once a month.

I struggle to see the issue unless there's something we don't know (money involved in you going out, a drug habit, or you being away from the family for other hobbies for significant amounts of time at other times during the week).

LanguidLobster · 03/06/2018 22:24

Do you work during the week? Does DH disapprove of the lifestyle or it solely he thinks its too much time away?

arethereanyleftatall · 03/06/2018 22:25

These responses are a parallel universe for me.
24 hours once a month (so 3% of time) is not remotely unreasonable. You're there 97% of the time.
I don't agree at all with the 'life stops when you have children' stance.

arethereanyleftatall · 03/06/2018 22:25

These responses are a parallel universe for me.
24 hours once a month (so 3% of time) is not remotely unreasonable. You're there 97% of the time.
I don't agree at all with the 'life stops when you have children' stance.

Ohmydayslove · 03/06/2018 22:28

God sorry my sympathy is with your dh you sound hard work.

VioletCharlotte · 03/06/2018 22:28

One night and one day out once a month doesn't sound that unreasonable. But if you're taking drugs, then I can see why he's not happy. And how much are these nights out costing? If it's impacting on what you can afford to do as a family then YABU.

Blondie789 · 03/06/2018 22:30

One night / day out a month big bloody deal, you're a mother and a wife you're not an OAP!

As long as you're not taking drugs I don't see the problem

Blondie789 · 03/06/2018 22:31

One night / day out a month big bloody deal, you're a mother and a wife you're not an OAP!

As long as you're not taking drugs I don't see the problem

Blondie789 · 03/06/2018 22:31

One night / day out a month big bloody deal, you're a mother and a wife you're not an OAP!

As long as you're not taking drugs I don't see the problem

BettyPitts · 03/06/2018 22:34

Old rave mates?

Are you taking Es? Bit tragic if so now you've got a DC.

Wellthisunexpected · 03/06/2018 22:35

What aren't you telling us. One 24 hour period once a month isn't bad. Do you out for hobbies, the gym etc other than this? Do you take drugs? Are you spending money you don't have. Do you have a history of cheating.

If none of that, then YANBU and your DP sounds a bit controlling. But I don't think you are telling the whole story.

rollingonariver · 03/06/2018 22:35

A night out once a month is fine imo. Staying out the next morning not so much, I'd be furious if this was my dp and we're both very relaxed.

BitchQueen90 · 03/06/2018 22:37

I don't think once a month is that bad at all. I always see posts from women on here whose husbands are out at their "hobbies" every weekend! I'm divorced, I have to share contact time with my exh so my DS is away from me more often than once a month.

But it sounds like you and your DP are not on the same page about it. Do you get really drunk/take drugs and he is worried about you or does he just not like the idea of you going out?

TheMonkeyMummy · 03/06/2018 22:42

No way. YABU

Janus · 03/06/2018 22:47

I’m also thinking there may be drug taking to go out all night and then come home and listen to more music and chill? And you also have to go away to do this (Bristol or London) so you’re not close if dh needs you for some reason. There’s a difference between a husband playing sport for a chunk of the day to actually being away for over 24 hours once a month but I’d say not so important if ds is a teenager and has his own life outside of family life??

PartyAnxiety · 03/06/2018 22:48

What are you going to say when ds is old enough to ask where mummy has gone for days on end every weekend?

To be fair it's only one day and once a month not every weekend. Every weekend would be absolutely crazy I agree! I think once a month is a little much to have an entire 24 hours away personally but much less crazy.

cadburyegg · 03/06/2018 22:55

I think one whole weekend a month is too much. Sorry I think YABU.

AnnieAnoniMouser · 03/06/2018 22:58

When DS is old enough to ask he gets told mummy has gone out and is having a sleepover with friends - not difficult fgs.

Did your DH think you got a complete personality transplant when you became pregnant?

Less than 24 hours, once a month, to be 'you' instead of wife & mummy is not a big ask.

AnnieAnoniMouser · 03/06/2018 22:59

It’s not ‘one whole weekend’, it’s LESS than 24 hours.

MuncheysMummy · 03/06/2018 23:00

There is not a chance she is isn’t taking drugs to be staying up for 24 hours partying after working all week with a baby/toddler!

MuncheysMummy · 03/06/2018 23:00

And it’s actually MORE than 24 hours from 7pm until almost 10pm this weekend

ObiJuanKenobi · 03/06/2018 23:12

So you basically have a monthly bender, go back to mates places to see out your come down / Columbian cold, then crawl out of your pit to get home and cook tea? Lovely.