MIL & Infertility

[ChangeMyNameChaaangeMyName]

I don’t want to drip feed here or waffle on unnecessarily.

DH and I have been trying to get pregnant for 5 years. I have PCOS and we have tried every drug under the sun. I continue now on Letrozole until our next IVF cycle in June. I’ve had pills, injections, invasive surgery, you name it.

MIL hasn’t been supportive. I give her plenty of opportunity to be involved but it just hasn’t affected her life in the same way it has my family and parents who feel it just as much as we do. I don’t dwell on this. It is what it is.

I feel like I am living a nightmare but somehow we just plod on, stay above water and continue to work and, if I do say so myself, do well at work. Our lives feel on hold but I have no ability or inclination to do spontaneous things.

MIL phoned DH out of the blue tonight to tell him about a “fertility service” (her words) near her. Checked out website. Crap I’m my opinion. Herbs and positive talk. No offence to anyone who is into this. This will not get me pregnant.

I need to be told if I am being U here because my blood is boiling. I feel like she makes no effort to understand my complex health conditions which are preventing me from getting pregnant. I had a miscarriage in January and she texted to say “strengthen your determination”. Never checked after to see how I was doing. This occurred to me a
Moment ago. I just feel that all her comments suggest that I am to blame and that I need to change my mindset.

I am an extremely positive person and this has infuriated me in a way I can’t describe. Please talk some sense into me. I am THIS close to losing my shit with DH over it and it isn’t the poor sod’s fault!

Based on what you're saying, I think your MIL believes she is supporting you in her own way, but it's just not what you are looking for/needing.

She might be getting it very 'wrong', but her actions don't sound vindictive.

I have PCOS too and struggled for years trying to get pregnant, tests, drugs, more tests, more drugs, month after month of disappointment, so please believe me when I say I do understand how all-encompassing and totally heartbreaking this is for you. My own mother was completely unable to understand what I was going through and made comments such as 'never mind, maybe next month' and 'babies are just a huge expense anyway' - trying to make me feel better but getting it massively wrong!

As it happens, my first marriage broke down over it all. The happy ending is that a few years later I met my now-DH and two babies (now tweens) arrived out of the blue and completely unexpectedly with no treatment at all (we were in the middle of filling out adoption paperwork at the time I fell pregnant the first time). I'm not suggesting that swapping your DH is the answer (!), but I thought it worth mentioning that sometimes these things work out OK in the end.

All the very best of luck, and please don't (as I did) let this come between you and your DH.

're stress and being "blocked".
I remember getting counselling during one of our rounds of IVF. I said I was worried I was so stressed and the counsellor said that the Irish women in the late 19th and early 20th century had huge families. They were about as stressed as you can get and the last thing they wanted was more children but they'd keep on getting pregnant (her words).
It is also the case that lots of studies are carried out with under 100 couples.

It makes me feel very sad to see people slinging mud on here. Each person has to find their way, Eating avocados may well help a small amount. I banished PCOS possibly with diet and various supplements or maybe it just went away but still ended up doing IVF.
When it works you'll never know what actually made the difference that time, if indeed anything did.

OP good luck and try the fertility boards or fertility friends for a bit more sanity.