AIBU to ask if anyone has taken the DC and run?

[Flappypants]

I'm a month down the line living in the same house as my lying, controlling narc STBXH who has categorically denied all the things he has done to me and the DC (groping me in front of them, speeding with them in the car etc...have had great advice from MN.

He has been asked to leave but he refuses. The atmosphere in the house is just hell. Toxic, uncomfortable etc. He's love-bombing the children having never been interested in them before, buying them presents and bring Disney Dad. He wants them 50/50...they are nearly 2 and nearly 6 but DS has a genetic condition which makes him less robust than other children and youngest is still breastfed. The DC have never had a night away from me and I accept that this will have to happen eventually.

We are all going to go mad here. My family live 1.5 hours away in an affordable area with Ofsted outstanding schools nearby. I would have job prospects when I am able to return to work and life would be peaceful and gentle. Where we live currently is astronomically expensive....a very very average 3 bed terrace in not great area is not going to be less than £380k. Ex-council estate houses are going for half a million. I would offer very generous contact (knowing it would wane after a while) and we would all be so much happier, I know it. And we would escape this man who has put me through hell for 8 years and lied and twisted it to make it all my fault.

Has anyone done It?? Can anyone advise whether I should try and rent somewhere and then move or just go and stay wutg family for a couple of weeks while I find a school place and somewhere to live? Would I get a non-molestation order? Eoukd it affect DS? He's in Reception but he was held bsvk a year because he is a summer born child and was too young. He needs a bit of support but is a little trouper.

Help.

You cant just ask for a non molestation order because you don't want contact, it doesn't work like that. There has to be evidenced DV

www.gov.uk/injunction-domestic-violence/eligibility-non-molestation

You can go of course, but as an H he has PR too, he can equally demand the children are brought back. Whether a judge would agree is another matter.

What is important is that all this is documentation of events. Have you taken advice from Womens Aid or Victim Support? Seen an IDVA? Is any of the violence medically documented? Have the police ever been called?

Can you get your self in order and scrape together some money and aim to go in a month? Then there's no rush with schools over summer break

I know literally nothing about the legalities of it all but if I were you and leaving and moving in with family was a realistic and workable option I would be gone. Sounds like there is nothing positive for you in your current situation. I would maybe seek some legal advice first but I think as long as you offer to help maintain contact (and that might mean taking them to him and picking them up) that I would be totally the right thing to do for you and your children.

Alternatively, go and get some advice from a solicitor. You could sort out custody now and present your case to a judge about why you should have primary custody and present evidence about why you need to move 1.5 hours away. If you present documents to show that you will have family support, a more affordable life, outstanding schools etc, it will work in your favour. Upping sticks is a bit of a gamble tbh, however tempting that might be.

Best of luck OP....

Hi

My solicitor has said that it is an excellent idea and absolutely best for the children and me but not a great idea to pre-empt things and just go because he could as NewYear says he could get a court order to make me bring them back (no guarantee the judge will side with me). So solicitor is wrapping his brain around the best way to achieve our desired outcome being above board and decent knowing that STBXH will come out all guns blazing to shoot me down and use every weapon in his arsenal, including endless money.

Women's Aid told me to get out straight away. I have spoken with the police and there is a record of what has gone on now altgiugh I don't want anything to go further. I have a long paper trail of evidence that o habe struggled with the psychological abuse and sorry state of my marriage and fear and anxiety caused by my STBXH. I know I can present a very strong and realistic argument for moving away and I would just hope a judge would see it that way otherwise we all go bananas 😭