To think fifty shades of grey romanticises abuse

[Forgottenyearsoflove]

So I decided to actually watch the film yesterday and I was just pretty shocked at how it actually managed to become a film..

And no I’m not being a granny about how it shows explicit scenes in it, just how it romanticises a man who is clearly emotionally and physically abusing and manipulating a woman. Now obviously I know it’s just a film and acting but the way it portrays what’s actually happening as “romantic” and “normal” just really annoys me.

Aibu about this or is the film just a complete flop?

I got caught up in the hype, purchased the books and read them all. I got a headache from all the eye rolling I did. But I had started so I would finish. The writing was awful, the Mills and Boon feeling was sickly. I started skipping the sex scenes. It was awful. The whole domination thing - a lot of people have said it's nothing like that. The whole Anastasia getting a job in his company, a very high position and constantly wittering on about proving herself was just ridiculous. James should be bloody ashamed of herself. Her writing belongs in the past.

I don't see it as her being emotionally or physically abused. At any point she could say no and leave and she did. She came back because she wanted more of him and his lifestyle. The film is not just about him teaching her his desires but it shows how she changes him. A lot of the time it is actually her how calls the shots on what does or doesn't happen. He breaks every rule he has because she makes him.

Also she didn't get a job at his company. She got the job and then he bought the company.

He is creepily possessive of her.

Yes I absolutely do, I think it's horrible.

Not seen the film but read the books when they came out, yes it absolutely does.

All I ever heard about the books seem to describe abuse. And mega-creep. Apparently the woman (Natasha?) is much more feisty in film than in the books, the film-maker couldn't handle making her such a wimp in the film so changed a lot from the book.

Absolutely. It's the usual bdsm bollocks without even a the "scene" pretence at consent or respect.

I agree.

The Twilight series is the same but aimed at teenagers.

I didn't get past the first few pages because the writing was so bloody awful. I'm surprised it was as popular as it was.

YANBU. I bought a copy in a charity shop as everyone was raving about it. Scanned the first few chapters and threw it across the room. The premise is awful and the writing adds insult to injury.

I thought the books were awful (didn't read them all) but her lack of thrush or cystitis always amazed me.

It's not abuse. If people choose to have that kind of relationship, as long as both consent then it's absolutely fine.
Not to the 50 shades extremes, but dh and I often explore that type of relationship in the bedroom. It's enjoyable for both of us and we both want it. It's nice to sometimes do other things outside the norm, for us we become two different people, but we know our limits and how far we will go. Does that mean my kind loving husband is abusing me because sometimes we consensually partake in similar sexual acts?

What @Letmesuckyourblood said.

It's not romanticizing abuse, because BDSM is not abuse. No, it is not a great representation of BDSM though. She consents too.

Anastasia didn't get a job in his company, he bought out the company she worked for after she got the job there.

I thought the books were awful (didn't read them all) but her lack of thrush or cystitis always amazed me. Why? I have never once had cystitis and only ever had thrush when I used latex condoms before I realised I was allergic to latex!!

But she was an intern, right? Then he bought the company and she was promoted to manager.

The books are badly written and the plot has more holes than a leaky sieve. Same as Twilight.

A lot of romantic novels, TV series, movies, etc portray relationships that are actually very creepy as being romantic.

I think the fact that she 'changes' him and they get a happy ending makes it MUCH worse.

It does leave a nasty taste in the mouth. BDSM isn't abuse when the key words are employed 'safe, sane & consensual'.

50 Shades breaks all those rules. Consent is manipulated in so many ways, including with alcohol and emotional blackmail, he ignores her safe word, and then criticizes her for having her own boundaries in the first place.

He hurts her having sex with her for the first time, despite her being a virgin and him knowing this he takes her roughly.

He's a stalker too, turning up in places miles away from him, just to see her. He follows her to her mothers, he traces her phone to find her, he knows where she lives without her telling him. Its not romantic, it's possessive.

He gets angry when she talks to other men. We'd all say 'LTB' on here!

And if you remove all that and think about the way he 'cricks his neck', and her 'inner voice' we'd be calling a GP about his obvious osteo issues and her MH ones.

Doesn't books 1-3 cover something like only 6-8 weeks?
The whole thing IS based on twilight.

I always thought there was going to be twist that he was some sort of non-human sexbot.

No BDSM isn’t abuse, in 50 shades of grey he is rich. If he was poor it would be an episode of criminal minds.

.

I'm shocked how it managed to become a book. I don't think I've seen worse writing. The sex wasn't even good, I'd have kept reading through the shite prose if it was.

It's nothing like genuine BDSM.

It's terribly written twilight fanfic and had no relevance.

I read a paragraph and couldn’t get past the awful writing so chucked it.

Same, I think I did about 2 chapters but it was just intolerable