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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want to have a massive shouting fit at DH for his aggressive whilst drunk tendencies?

36 replies

VeddersSirens · 03/06/2018 09:04

I'm so fucked off. I posted last night about him going off on one about my DS eating his own fucking Chinese left overs - well that was only half of what went on.

Basically he'd been drinking stella. Started getting arsey earlier in the evening, sarcastic, one word answers etc. I was stroking the dog and asked "would you ever trust a dog 100%?" It was just general chit chat but he even turned that into an excuse to have a go, saying of course he'd trust HIS dog 100% and argued, rolled his eyes, shook his head etc when I said I wouldn't.
He started going on about stuff I'd done when I had a mental breakdown a couple of months back saying it was much more difficult for him, I embarrassed him etc etc
Then there was the Chinese takeaway incident, after that he started going on at me about demanding that DS bring his pots down "rather than letting him collect them up there like you always fucking do because you don't give a shit" etc etc - I told DS to bring his pots down, he did, DH then said "are you going to tell him to bring his fucking pots down or what?" I said "he has" so he started going on saying "what about his pots from the Chinese he's just taken up there? Tell you what, don't fucking bother and I won't bother either because you don't give a fuck so why should I" etc etc - his poor son (my DSS, 21) is sat next to him at the time looking uncomfortable.

I go to bed. I'm on quetiapine and posted a thread yesterday about not sleeping the night before, being up with nightmares all night etc so by last night I was exhausted. He knew about all this. I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow only to be shocked awake again at the sound of the news being played next to me from his fucking phone. Purposely done to wake me up. I said "what are you doing???" So he said "I'll turn it off when you tell your DS to turn his TV down". How fucking childish is that??? I couldn't even hear DSs TV.

So yeah today I'm feeling angry. I'm normally a quiet passive type but I feel like going nuclear on him. Fucking drinking every weekend, ending up like this, getting at me constantly. We both work yet I do dinner every night. I do 100% of the laundry, hoovering, bathrooms, bedroom, 100% of the shopping - yet whenever there is something I don't do (like collect pots from upstairs) he acts like I'm the laziest fucker in the world.

Yesterday I repainted the living room wall (after stripping the wallpaper by myself). He was meant to be fitting a new toilet. Instead he finished work at 1pm, played on the computer all afternoon and then declared he was too ill to do anything other than fall asleep on the sofa.

I'm actually starting to feel rage against him.

OP posts:
LadyOdd · 03/06/2018 11:26

18 years not 1

PositivelyPERF · 03/06/2018 11:26

The one I feel sorry for, in all this crap, is your poor son. That poor child had to grow up in a house with a drunk, verbally abusive SF and a mother who wouldn’t leave because it would be too difficult for HER. There comes a stage where I stop feeling sorry for an unhappy wife, and that stage is when she puts her own needs before those of her child.

Branleuse · 03/06/2018 11:28

You don't have to live like this x

Elspeth12345 · 03/06/2018 11:34

Why does he feel that he can be so nasty to your child (your DS is not even 18 yet so he's essentially a child)?

Is he the kind of person who you cannot have a reasonable conversation with even when he's sober?

BettyBaggins · 03/06/2018 12:33

Get your ducks in a row, good luck!

toolonglurking · 03/06/2018 12:35

Having read your other thread last night, just end it. You get nothing positive out of this relationship but you are teaching your son that it's ok to be shitty and disrespectful to women.

yawning801 · 03/06/2018 12:40

Boak. He sounds vile, and for the sake of your sanity, sons and self, I recommend you run a mile and don't return. If your sons were in this sort of relationship, would you want them to stay?

Imnotaslimjim · 03/06/2018 12:49

I was with a man that sounds very similar up until last September. After reading on here that it really wasn't normal (I knew it wasn't but it helped confirm it) I made a plan to leave. I'm now with a new partner and she's awesome. Life has never been better and I've never been happier.

I know facing it is hard and the thought of him causing trouble just because he can makes you want to run and hide but feel the fear and do it anyway. I promise you won't regret it.

N0rfolkEnchants · 03/06/2018 13:15

Are you just wanting to vent? No response to you will change, no matter how many threads you start

chinesechicken · 04/06/2018 17:23

God he sounds vile. What kind of person subjects their son to this?? Just because you've chosen to marry a twat doesn't mean your child should suffer. Get your priorities right and kick this loser out or leave.

romany4 · 04/06/2018 17:36

I had a DH like this.
He didn't stop drinking until I left him and he realised what he had done to me and the kids.

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