Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To really resent my dad

9 replies

rxvitsc · 03/06/2018 07:59

I've always felt my dad is a really selfish man and since moving out I don't have much contact with him. Only when I have to.

Growing up he always pleaded poverty, but he would take holidays abroad every few months. We since found out he had a foreign mistress and he was spending a fortune on her, while his family struggled. He only gave my mum £80 a month, which didn't go very far as there were four children. I remember having holes in my school shoes and only three pairs of knickers as there just wasn't the money to buy anything. My dad made out we should be grateful as there was a roof over our heads and food (always tesco value).

I would also add he never did anything with us (kids or as a family). He was always on his computer to his mistress, out of the country or with friends.

Obviously he didn't help me with university, which meant I had to live at home as his income meant my loan was small. He always makes out he did my a great favour by letting me live there. After uni he made me pay £100 a month towards bills which I guess is fair enough.

Now I'm engaged to get married this year, and he expects to be invited and put on a great show in front of people pretending to be an amazing dad etc. I told him we're only having a registry office affair and that's it. We are hopefully getting a mortgage to buy a property soon and we won't have any money for a wedding. He says I should invite x and y and have a bigger do, but it's not like he's going to help with the costs is it? Not that I expect parents should pay, but if he expects me to have a big do to make him look good while not paying a penny I think that's too much.

He's well off. No mortgage, good job, holiday abroad every two months. But helping his daughters is never on his radar. This isn't really about the wedding or money, more about the past and how hard it was growing up with a father who didn't think spending money on his children was important.

OP posts:
FannyFifer · 03/06/2018 08:03

He's lucky you are even inviting him to be honest.
Just ignore him & carry on with your plans, I certainly wouldn't be giving him the opportunity to play the doting Dad.

Lacucuracha · 03/06/2018 08:04

YANBU. He sounds weak and a poor excuse for a father. Definitely don't have a big do for his sake.

I can totally understand you not wanting him there. Do you have to invite him?

Didnyiur mum know about his mistress? It's a shame she didn't leave him. What does she say about it?

rxvitsc · 03/06/2018 08:06

She found out when we all did @Lacucuracha (he left his emails open). She was obviously upset but didn't leave him. She's always been a SAHM and then a SAHW with mental health issues so she didn't feel strong or financially able enough to leave.

OP posts:
DancerOnIce · 03/06/2018 08:06

If you don’t have much contact with him now (understandably) then there’s no need to factor his opinions into your wedding. You’re paying for it and should have the day you want, whether that be with him invited or not. He sounds like he’s been an awful father to you and your siblings and you shouldn’t feel that you owe him anything

Urbanbeetler · 03/06/2018 08:06

I hope if anyone is walking you to the registrar, it’s going to be your mum not him.

rxvitsc · 03/06/2018 08:07

@Urbanbeetler I wouldn't have anyone walk me, I couldn't stomach it

OP posts:
Rainbowqueeen · 03/06/2018 08:10

Totally understandable that you would resent him. What a nerve thinking he can dictate what you do on your wedding day.

I’d go grey rock with him

I hope you have an amazing day and a wonderful life with your DH

MrsDilber · 03/06/2018 08:11

Have you spoken to him and told him all of this?

rxvitsc · 03/06/2018 08:13

Many times @MrsDilber but he never listens and says I'm moaning over nothing/playing he victim

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread