Should I send my boys away for the summer??

[Mamioftwo]

My father passed away this March. Although Mum and I have been preparing for it for years.. you don't know how hard it'll hit you once it happens. It's been very tough for me, I've been holding onto so much guilt, and wishing how I had done things differently.. and I know it's all part of grieving but, it's so damn hard.

Anyway.. I have 2 boys aged 4 and 1. Their other grandma is American and she visits us a lot. She was here for us when my dad passed, and just left a week ago. I've sent my oldest with her before for a few weeks... anyway my ex sis-in-law (we're still very close) is pregnant with twins, and she asked me if I could send the boys with their G'ma so she can see them. And I said no, because of the timing of things, and also how my oldest needs to stay in nursery etc ..
she asked me again a few weeks later. Her reason being so that all the cousins can have a photo shoot done. I told her not much will have changed by then.

Having the boys is a huge comfort for Mum n I .. am I being selfish..? Or is it part of mourning? I told her that, when she asked me the first time. A part of me is being overprotective maybe.. I'm not sure how it links to mourning. Also I'm not comfortable sending my 1 Yo anywhere just yet. Especially not across the world.

So AIBU for refusing to send my children to her? ...

Thanks x

I forgot to add that, my boys aren't having any less fun because of the situation. I still do activities and take them out. So I didn't mean to imply that we're sucking them into our sadness.

Also has anyone else been through this.. how did you deal with grieving a parents death and parenting? I find myself being very impatient sometimes :(

Xx

There will be plenty more opportunities for family photos. Keep your boys close. Look after yourself. Grieve for your dad. Take time. There's no rush.

Grieving is so different for everyone, but a lot of people find comfort with children so I understand your DM. I know the other grandma would love to see them but 1yr is young to be without Mum for more than a couple of days? Go with gut instincts . Mama knows best

YANBU. If she wants a photo-shoot then she can travel to you when she feels able.

You surely know its not selfish to not want your children to go to a far away country like that. You are kind for even considering it. Don't do.it to yourself. YANBU

No way would l let children so young go so far away. No way! They can go when they are teenagers but until then they stay close to you and their dad. If it was the next village ..but USA ..they are mad to even suggest it.

Thanks everyone, you're all right, I know I'll follow my mother instincts.

I'm a single mother, their dads in the states and hasn't contacted them for months! I've stayed close to his family. They're great, but sometimes they ask a little too much.

X

Absolutely not. Ridiculous to even ask. The one year old won't understand, will be taken from his bonded carers and will bond to his new carers and then have that ripped away too. I would really wonder about future repercussions for him tbh.