to think kids don’t need a shitload of ‘things’

[User616161]

Me and my DD are quite active, there’s barely a day when we stay at home - it’s how we both like it. She goes to nursery two days a week whilst I work but on the three days we are alone and the weekends when DH is off we do swimming, soft play, farms, visit friends, playing imaginative games outside, crafts, making slime, baking etc. We do try and have one day at home a week but we usually still end up having a park trip / nature walk or something like that.
I get bored being at home and so does she so that’s just what works for us!
She has what I class as a lot of toys at home, I already feel like my house is super cluttered!
So me and DH had an idea the other day that for her upcoming birthday next month we wouldn’t be buying loads of toys, we would probably buy one token toy, some books (he loves reading!) and spend the rest of the birthday budget on experiences for her (there’s a live show she wants to go and watch, a soft play pass, money towards days out etc)
Our reasoning being that we are never at home anyway, it’s terrible for the environment, I value experiences over things and want to raise DD with the same morals. A lot of what I call ‘plastic tat’ just gets lost or broken or never played with.
My friends have a lot of toys for their kids and seem to buy loads more for Christmas and birthdays!
My BIL and SIL came round with their kids today and SIL said to her kids ‘oh it’s a shame that (DS) doesn’t have as many toys as us’ I was a bit like but now I’m wondering if I come across as a tight mother?

I always bought either books for dd or Lego for DS (one set).That's what they were into.

I've never bought into this mound of presents that they neither want or will play with.

They had toys but I never felt the need to constantly replace.

I think the most used item dd got from me was a Tweenies playhouse that was used indoors and out repeatedly and then passed to DS when he was a toddler. Best Buy ever.

Long time lurker bob

I’m not sure going out every day equates to morals. But otherwise, yep whatever works for your family. I love days out exploring the world , swimming, walking or whatever. But I also adore toys. We don’t have many plastic tat type toys. We have lovely toys, we’ve lots of Duplo that has been played with at least weekly for 10 years. It clutters up the place but I’ll cry when it gets put away.

You sound very smug. Nothing wrong with kids playing and entertaining themselves.

There's a place for both. Carefully chosen, well designed toys are an awesome resource in addition to more experiential stuff.

The term 'plastic tat' is a bit of a lazy signifier. Again, high quality, well designed plastic toys can be brilliant. No-one with any sense knocks lego.

If your SiL did say that she's very rude, regardless of anyone's preferences.

Learning through play is essential for your child.
Baking is just one of the things you mentioned.
It always struck me as odd that pre school children's toys include domestic tat, they soon know it's not the real thing. Don't get me started on buying mini supermarkets.

You can do all these things without buying into the pink, blue or primary coloured plastic.
One of mine played shop for about 6 weeks with other stuff too. After this it was never mentioned again, moved on. I'd have been pissed off if I'd spent money on tat.

Nothing wrong with plastic toys. Also nothing wrong with enjoying going out regularly. Definitely rude to comment on how many / few toys other people have though.

My daughter had to be taken out at least once a day or else would drive me crazy, when she was under 5. But I do think having a quiet day at home is a good idea from time to time, to give children chance to learn how to entertain themselves a bit.

Don't fall into the smuggery trap of 'experiences = good, toys = bad'.

Children like owning things. Lovely, well-chosen toys can bring great joy to a child. Many 'experiences', conversely ('days out' at overpriced, overcrowded theme parks and similar, for example) are effectively immaterial plastic tat.

Your MIL is partly right, in that elaborate 'days out' are somewhat wasted on very young children. It's better to take them (preferably repeatedly) to simpler places where they can discover the joys of the everyday world. When my older two were small we spent hours and hours and hours in the local botanical gardens and working farm, just wandering around.

Aw, can we have a best buy? SluttyButty that sounds lovely.

My best buys were outdoor Swing, space hoppers.
Lego, connect 4, Scrabble.
I'm sure there's more, but you don't need an access to facilitate learning and the socialisation of young children.
Experiencing something for real through play is far better than role playing with plastic shit.

Smug stealth boast or what?! Good for you, crack on.

You sound great op :)

Present ideas also sound fab.

We do a lot at the weekend and school holidays with dd who is 7. Ds is 15 and not as interested now but when he was younger he had the same.
Kids love the most simple things. My dd often has the choice of going to eg a park or to safari park and would choose park 9/10 times.

Regarding toys etc, my dd has a birthday in February so receives a lot in a short space of time from Christmas to birthday so we try and have a rule for the rest of the year where we have a 3 rule system for buying new things.

It either has to be:

1- books/DVD's
2-art supplies/craft
3-outdoor toys e.g. Skipping rope

She has far too much and doesn't need any more crap toys.

I feel like you’ve written this with a couple of glasses of wine and what you really want to hear is that you’re a better parent than DB/DSIL.

What you do sounds lovely, I have 2DC and do all these things too. They also have a playroom full of plastic tat. They’re very happy and love playing with it (with free stuff from magazines being their preferred plastic shit). It is possible to have a good balance of everything.

We’ve always had too many toys, it’s too easy to do. However DD is 10 now and the amount has dropped considerably (apart from the bloody teddies).
We go out a lot and we are very busy now with clubs and classes etc her toys are an important part of downtime for her. She’s been out most of today and before dinner she took herself upstairs to organise and play with her playmobil.
Imaginative play is as important as going out and being entertained

@dazzlingMilton. that’s so true! I love nice toys but mine adore anything crappy from a magazine. The cheaper and crappier the toy the happier they are really.

Right with you! I have banned presents for birthday and Christmas cant cope with all of the pointless shit that has accumulated. My DS doesnt go near 90%of it. I have said clothes vouchers or money for books/ bank as I don't want people to waste money on duplicates either. Then if there is anything that is genuinely wanted and needed he has the money to get it.

I started mat leave with DD2 in July so for Xmas requested money towards safari membership for us all if ppl were happy to. Some bought gifts instead.

Saved us money on other trips and still got the summer to enjoy. Great value!

DD1 is imaginative play obsessed so actual toys just get used as props anyway.

Yanbu

I realised when we went away with only a few toys my dd played much better and for longer and more involved than when she was home with loads and probably overwhelmed.

Got rid of loads.

Totally agree that kids don't need loads of toys, experiences are so much better. My son only plays with a few of his favourite toys anyway, the rest eventually just end up at the charity shop. We will now only get our kids one present each for birthdays and 3 presents each for Christmas. My sister buys her child about 30-40 presents for Xmas, it's ludicrous.

Our kids have so much that they barely know what's there; that's a problem that I'm starting to sort out now, though. We go out every day and do all sorts of things but I agree kids need down time, to potter and entertain themselves.

My ds is never happier then when I say he can raid the recycling box with his scissors/sellotape! He can do junk modelling for hours!

Every time I see one of those pics in fb at Christmas, of piles and piles of presents, I do wonder where on earth they're planning on putting it all. Does it mean that every year, these people throw a massive pile of plastic into landfill because otherwise they wouldn't be able to open their front door for all the crap?! I think so!

I don't think encouraging a need to go out every day is all that great, kids need bored downtime. And not all toys are plastic tat

However we have very few toys, just spend a bit more on the ones we do buy.

Really Hellena. I think going out every day is incredibly important. Getting dressed for outdoors, greeting people, buying a loaf, counting the cracks in the pavement, learning about different leaves and trees, clouds, feeling the sun or wind or rain on your skin. Watching the seasons, leaf kicking, poo sticks, sand pit and seashore. Running and jumping.

But then it's about investing time in one's children and no amount of plastic compensates for conversation, engagement and interest in what is around a child and everyone. Although we had some great days in making camps and cakes; patio painting, reading and beading, digging and finding.

A friends children are all grown now but by doing this the kids have had some amazing experiences visiting amazing countries and doing unforgettable things as a result they are such a close knit little unit. I think your little one wins

I'd rather do it your way than have a house full of crap. We're clamping down on unnecessary stuff.
It sounds like fun in your household 😊