Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Aibu to be concerned and not know what to do?!

15 replies

Butterflyhulk · 02/06/2018 19:50

Hi sorry this may be a long post,
I have a 12 year old brother with a big age gap of 15 years between us, it started with someone telling me he had a girlfriend so I was joking with him asking who she was and he denied it as id expect him to at his age, he didn't want to discuss these things with his big sister.
He was playing a game on his phone and paused it to get a drink, I picked his phone up to do run me the game and he ran back and literally dived at me to het it off me so this made me suspicious! Later when he left his phone I snooped (I now wish I didn't and wernt in this position) but I looked at his pictures and there were screen shots off the web of scientific explanations of both female and male genitals so though he was just curious but then there were screen shots of loads of sex position definitions ( some I've never heard of) so thought maybe he's heard people saying them at school and wants to know what they mean ECT so I thought I'd check his web history so see what he's actually searching like if he's looking how to do it or just what it is and found that he has been going on a porn site ALOT! I don't know what to do or if he's doing anything with anyone else ect( there was no evidence that he was like no messages or pics being sent between him and anybody else). I don't k ow weather to tell my mum, ignore it or try and talk to him myself, I don't want him watching porn and thinking it's all real or is this all normal at this age?
He doesn't have a father figure in his life so no male role model that's ever had any talks with him and I know my mum probably just thinks he's still her sweet little innocent boy and I think she would feel very awkward having to bring it up with him and I don't want to get him in trouble if this is normal.
Sorry for the long post and i know i was BU looking at his phone

OP posts:
lauralyanny · 02/06/2018 19:56

What sort of porn?

Butterflyhulk · 02/06/2018 20:00

I only read a few of the headlines but they all seemed to be along the lines of you g girls and lesbian porn as I scrolled down the history page it was all porn logos on the side but there were so many I seen the word lesbian and young hot girls, girl on girl ect

OP posts:
lauralyanny · 02/06/2018 20:01

In that case IMO it's normal, I personally wouldn't do anything but I'm sure lots of
Other people would xxxx (I have 14yo son)

Thehop · 02/06/2018 20:02

Sadly I think this is pretty normal for a 15 year old with internet access. I would t tell anyone or bring it up with him.

Butterflyhulk · 02/06/2018 20:03

Sorry he's 12 not 15 there are 15 years between us xx

OP posts:
cubanoak · 02/06/2018 20:12

while i don't agree with it, it's incredibly common for boys that age to look at porn. despite that, it is unhealthy and will affect how he views women whether he realises it or not. if you think your mum will handle it appropriately (not embarrassing him, but educating) then it might be good to have a word with her. if not, maybe he could "accidentally" overhear some information from you about how it's not what it seems

Butterflyhulk · 02/06/2018 20:12

Thankyou for the replies I just wasn't sure I can't remember thinking about sex at 12 although I did have boyfriend's ECT I didn't even kiss a boy on the lips until I was 13 nearly 14, I think I'm just in shock as he is the baby of the family and the only boy and just didn't know these things happen so early! I think it's because there has never really been a male present in our lives either and me and my older sister had each other to talk to but don't feel like he has anybody, obviously I've told him me and my dp are here for him and my partner has told him if he ever needs to talk he's there for him even if he doesn't want me present but I just don't think he will take it up he seems very shy and embarrassed about things lately, I noticed the other week he's starting to grow facial hair so just said to him casually that if and when he wants to shave to come to my house and my partner will show him how and he just got embarrassed and it's not like my partner is new on the scene either we have been together since my little brother was 1 so he's like a big brother to him anyway

OP posts:
Notevilstepmother · 02/06/2018 20:27

What does your partner think? Is he willing to take on the role and have a man to man chat with him? I think it’s normal to be curious at that age, but porn will give him a rather twisted and false view.

Butterflyhulk · 02/06/2018 20:33

I haven't discussed it with anyone inc my partner but I will do now I just didn't k ow what to do, that's what I'm worried about with him watching porn I don't want him to think it's normal what he's watching and have high expectations when he does get the point of having sex himself

OP posts:
GabsAlot · 02/06/2018 20:36

23 is a bit young but not rare -maybe try and get your partner as pp said to chat with him

Butterflyhulk · 02/06/2018 20:51

Thankyou everyone I have calmed down a little now I just thought he was way too young to even know porn existed let alone watch it but I suppose I was just naive in thinking that I didn't know what age boys started this as a lot of my family including cousins ECT are mainly girls, I am now dreading my own DS growing up Sad

OP posts:
BigFatGoalie · 02/06/2018 21:36

I unfortunately don’t have any good advice OP, but I have a question.
Why oh why are we now saying it’s “normal” for a 12 year old boy to be viewing porn?!
Why are we not doing something about this with our sons?
I find it incredibly distressing that a lot of mother’s seem to dismiss it as normal and something they cannot do anything about.
OP, hopefully you and your DP will be able to give your DB the support he needs.

RelapsedChocoholic · 02/06/2018 21:53

He’s 12 and using the internet as the thing available- when I was 12 I re-read the sex ed book my mum had bought a lot! Blush as there was no internet (I’m old!)
Personally I wouldn't be too worried unless it’s something of concern (ie non consensual), but sex is definitely something that need to be talked about generally now- whether that’s your partner, you, or your mum.

Butterflyhulk · 02/06/2018 22:27

Just want to really thank you all I feel relieved now, as pp pointed out when I spoke to my partner about it and I asked if it was normal he said it probably is these days but when he was that age the only access to the internet was at school or a library so not somewhere he could watch porn but he did say he was curious at that age and he had a few magazines
I suppose though does that mean it's become normal just because it's easily accessible because I'm sure if I found a few dirty mags in his room I probably would of just brushed that under the carpet and not thought a put it again but it's the thought of what he could be seeing! A few pics in a mag isn't bad imo but what gets put online is very much more detailed and intense if that makes sense

OP posts:
Fuckwithnosensesauce · 02/06/2018 22:27

Sadly, it’s around the age that boys would become interested in sex. Or rather, sadly they have lots of access to porn now at that age.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page