to feel awkward with DPs dad letting himself in the house?!

[Louellah]

DPs Dad has a key to our house for emergencies (left the iron on type thing etc). I'm pregnant at the mo so nap a lot during the day on weekends. I knew he was coming over later but DP is out and told him he would let him know when he got in. I've just woken up and DPs Dad is in the house! Just let himself in!! Had I not heard him I could've walked downstairs in my pants which I regularly do as I don't expect to have people in the house and not know about it! AIBU to think that DP needs to have a word with him?! He's done it three times now and it's doing my head in. It's my home, I expect privacy and I expect people to knock!!

My MIL started doing this when I was pegnant with my second baby. She had a key from when she looked after my eldest one day a week when I was at work but then she just kept letting herself in when I was home on maternity leave. The first few times I politely said "so sorry I didn't hear the door bell or I would have let you in". She just said that's ok even though I knew she hadn't rung the door bell! Eventually I had to get my husband to tell her to stop doing it and to only use her key in an emergency. Even now though if I don't answer the door within 30 seconds she starts getting her key out rather than waiting. Unfortunately she doesn't really listen or respect boundaries.

Definitely say something to your partner's dad or get your partner to say something. It's your home and he should respect your boundaries

Don’t waste police time on this! Op, talk to him, for heaven’s sake. Then take the key away....

I’d hate someone doing this.

Do what I do and put your key in the internal front door lock and turn it a quarter of the way in the lock, so if he puts his key in he won’t be able to let himself in then he’ll be forced to knock he may well get the message then.

Tell him or get your DP to spell out in very clear terms, that you actually hid in your own bed, in your own home because:
a) you were asleep and he woke you up
b) you initially thought he was a burglar and were terrified
c) You realised it was him and were so embarrassed as you were not fully dressed
d) you were really angry that he had put you in that position and will not allow it to happen again, hand the key back NOW!!!

And of none of that happens then wait for him to do it again and scream blue murder, beg him not to hurt you, call for your DP to save you... and cry AT HIM, A LOT!

Of course you could just put a chain on the door... but that wouldn't be a much fun... once you have calmed down, of course!

@elephantscanring I wouldn't. I work for law enforcement and would only call if I thought there could be a stranger in my house as I understand the pressures.

This is completely out of order, screw it if your DP needs to get it, if he won’t take the key back and or have words with his dad then you leave your key in the door. Your DP will just have to ring the bell, he’ll get bored soon and sort it out.

@NeedSleepNow it drives me nuts! He's a bit of an oddball anyway so the idea of sitting with him for half an hour before DP gets home gives me the sweats!

My MIL did this. She would let herself into my house whenever she wanted and once came in and showed her friend around (we found out as she told my DH she had because she was so proud of him, yada yada yada).

Final straw came when she let herself in whilst I was upstairs ill from work, I came downstairs not knowing what was going on and because i was flustered (from fear of actually thinking someone was breaking in) she then accused me of having another man upstairs.

We got our spare key back pretty quickly after that. I thi k you should do the same.

@Mycatsarebetterthanyours bloody hell definitely no men in my bed!! That sounds awful.

OMG OP. You are pregnant and he just lets himself into the house?!

That is totally creepy...

Even so, whether pregnant or not, who the fuck DOES THAT!

No respect for your privacy. what the fuck is wrong with him and your DP anyway

You may as well be sleeping in the central bus station.

If your DP won't step up to the plate and tell him so! You may find yourself needing to take measures for you and future DC.

Wow, this is not ok!

My parents have keys but would never just let themselves in unless I told them too.

What is wrong with people? That would have scared the shit out of me.

Mycats

Leave the key in the lock. Your dp (and his dad) will get the message and your dp will hopefully talk to his dad. Either that or you talk to him. It’s your house you have as much right to speak out as anyone.

Some people have no sense of other people's personal spaces. The nerve of him to do this without checking to see if anyone was indoors first. But nothing surprises me anymore anyway. So simple to call or text before being so presumptious as to walk into someone else's house! Unbelievable.

If it were me, I would lose my shit completely. Giving someone a key is for DIRE emergencies only. And the keyholder would know to call around because an emergency (even a little one....) would be communicated to him first surely?

If you manage to calmly speak to him (both of you on a united front) and it happens again, I'd bloody well change the locks and get a key safe.

Oh, op, if you are in law enforcement, just tell him!