Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

Breaking the feed to sleep habit - is it actually possible?!

24 replies

SparkleHorse82 · 02/06/2018 16:48

I know I'm going to get flamed for this, but I breastfeed my 10mo to sleep for naps, at bedtime and in the night. She still wakes 1-2 times a night, but sleep is slowly improving, it's not the nights I'm worried about. But it's getting impractical re: naps because she'll only ever sleep if either fed to sleep or out in the pram.

I'm going back to work after she's one, and obviously my DH, my mum and nursery staff - all of whom will have her at different times - can't feed to sleep. My DH and I also have an event coming up in July which runs into the evening and so my mum will have to put her to bed then without being able to BF her. She eats OK so not worried about food/milk on separation, just sleeping.

Is there any way I can break this habit now without using cry it out, which isn't for us (see note below)? I've tried all sorts of things including shh-pat, white noise, PUPD, singing, crying in arms etc. None of them actually get her to sleep. If they calm her down at all she's back to wide awake.

She's always needed less sleep than the average and has fought naps even as a newborn, so waiting for sleep pressure to build up doesn't work at any time except bedtime.

Does anyone have any advice?

IMPORTANT: Please do not recommend cry it out. I can't use this technique as my baby has moderate-severe eczema and even using scratch sleeves, if left distressed for even a relatively short period of time (10 minutes) she can do a shocking amount of damage to her face and neck.

OP posts:

veggifriedbreakfast · 02/06/2018 16:49

Hmmm, have you tried cuddling and reading? Or singing softly

DrCorday · 02/06/2018 16:57

What worked for me (but obviously might not work for everyone) was a pattern at bed time, my DH, and time.

We did the same thing every night, no particular time, but involved bath/wash down, grow, feed #1, story #1, feed #2 but not to sleep, story #2, story #3

I started the stories, normally first one, then hand over to DH who would take over. I’d come back into feed, and leave.

It wasn’t an overnight fix. It took time, but at around 10- 13 months we did this to get her trusting DH. She’d always had me, and by my feeding, she found comfort in that.

If she was unsettled, I’d go back in and comfort/feed her if necessary.

Daft as it sounds, we even used the same books (Peepo, Each peach pear plum) as they had a familiarity that she liked, and reacted to.

She got there in the end.

Osirus · 02/06/2018 17:23

I’ve always fed my toddler to sleep, and without training, at nearly 2, she can fall asleep by herself. I worried about naps when I went back to work but my mum managed to get her to fall asleep no problem. She’ll probably be fine with someone who can’t feed her. It’s surprising how much they are aware of.

ThatsNotEvenAWord · 02/06/2018 17:29

I fed my son to sleep til we stopped feeding when he was 18mo, he was always fine at being put to sleep by my mum, nursery staff (I swear those women have magical powers!) so if that’s your main motivation to stop, don’t feel you have to :)

Laiste · 02/06/2018 17:30

I know this will be unpopular but could you introduce a new born size dummy for close cuddles when she's getting tired and gradually replace nipple for dummy at nap times? Other folks putting her down for a nap anytime can use the dummy.

I had a feed to sleeper and this worked for me. I've had 4 DCs who all had a dummy at some point in their baby hood. All gave them up again easily at around 12/18 months.

bananamonkey · 02/06/2018 17:33

My DD fed to sleep till 14 months at night, the only thing that worked was for me to go away for 2 nights (coincidental, was a work thing) and DH settled her. She went to sleep fine for him, I couldn’t believe it! So I decided to cut out the bedtime feed altogether and let him put her to bed for the rest of that week, after that she would settle for me too.

Dreamingofkfc · 02/06/2018 17:34

Both of mine were fed to sleep, eventually feeding to sleep stopped working as well so we started reading until they fell asleep and then eventually have been able to leave them awake to self settle.

Crabbitstick · 02/06/2018 17:38

Don't worry, my DS was same (but woke a lot more). They should tolerate a different method from someone else - at nursery they'll know boob with you isn't an option. You'll need to discuss with your nursery what they do for little ones who don't self -settle. Ours did pram rocking. Can you introduce idea of pram naps during day and save feed to sleep for bedtime?

Isitwinteryet · 02/06/2018 17:39

I did this until dd was 6 months old. We literally put her in her moses basket drowsy but awake and held her hand until she fell asleep. Took about 10 or 15 minutes.

JohnLapsleyParlabane · 02/06/2018 17:40

I fed DD to sleep till she was about 18 months and changed our routine to something like DrCorday's. However i have frequently left her with DH/other relatives for bedtime and she goes to a childminder several times per week: and she sleeps for them all with no difficulty.

Waddlelikeapenguin · 02/06/2018 17:44

Meh! Mine all fed to sleep for naps & bedtime until the stubborn horrors they wouldnt anymore. You'll miss it when it's gone!

Mine didnt go to nursery but I have several friends who say the nursery staff would walk/cuddle/rock/pat baby to sleep successfully despite them only feeding to sleep at home

escorpion · 02/06/2018 17:51

What I do is change the bf for a song time and tummy or back rub. You just have to be consistent. My son is now 2.5 years old and we still have the same routine. He did cry a bit at first but I explained about the boobies going to sleep and he would see them in the morning when the sun came out. He was 18 months when I first started this. You may have a bit of crying/whining but stick at it. While you are there with them hugging and comforting it is not the same as cio. Are you co-sleeping? We do but son has his own bed now at the side of mine. As a side note you have to really want to do and and be comitted else it doesnt happen. I tried to night wean at the age of your baby and it didnt work as I wasnt fully committed to it myself. Then when I really got to that stage when I was so tired and fed up with boobing to sleep, the transition was actually quick.

Creatureofthenight · 02/06/2018 17:56

I still feed my 11 month old to sleep at night, and sometimes for naps. I went back to work 2 months ago and was a bit worried about her sleeping - like yours, she’s always slept less than average. She sleeps fine in the pram for daytime naps with other people - at first took a bit of pushing to and fro but now she often goes off just laying in the pram.

oblada · 02/06/2018 17:58

I still feed to sleep my 4yrs old. But I went back to work when she was 9months old and nursery has managed just fine. So does my DH when I am away. Same goes for my 1year old DS. I have been back to work for 4 months and he's been fine with naps. I've been away in the evening and DH has been fine. But if I'm around I feed them to sleep (actually the 1year old will put up with DH even if I'm around but my 4year old DD doesn't :)).
Techniques for them including singing, sushing, tapping, bouncy chair, rocking etc.

SockQueen · 02/06/2018 18:16

DH and I tried a few things, including failing with endless bottles/cups of EBM/formula. In the end I just left them to it one night as I had to go out. It took some time but eventually DS just fell asleep on our bed next to DH, and I transferred him to the cot when I got home. He quite quickly learned that if I'm not there he doesn't get milk, and settles for sleep for DH, grandparents and nursery easily now. Even with me now (20months), he has his last feed, but is still awake, and I say "Time to go in your cot and go to sleep," he unlatches and I can put him down awake and walk away.

If your DH/someone else is with him and cuddling/reassuring him, that's NOT cry it out.

quarterpast · 02/06/2018 18:30

I used 'don't offer, don't refuse' with all of mine. Waited until they were only really having night feeds at around 15-18 months ish and then lay next to them and let them have milk or not. They all self weaned fairly quickly (I have 3 older kids, one is still a baby and will do the same with her).

Bear2014 · 02/06/2018 18:37

I think it's a non issue to be honest. My DD fed to sleep for naps and went to nursery at 9 months. Nursery staff had no problem getting her to sleep and I carried on as normal at home til she was 22 months and I weaned her off BF to start IVF. My DS is exactly the same - although I wish he only woke 1 or 2 times in the night!!

Acidrain · 02/06/2018 18:37

Have you tried a comforter? Try sleeping with it for a night or two to get the smell of yourself on it and then let DH put her to bed whilst you stay downstairs after last feed?
Worked for me but every baby is different!

Laserbird16 · 02/06/2018 18:44

DD is 22 months and I still feed her to sleep. I was worried when I went back to work that she wouldn't sleep but she will happily sleep for DH and at nursery. I think they just get used to different people/situations mean boobs are not an option. DD gets patted at nursery and now likes this at home too. If you are asking how do you personally stop feeding to sleep then I have no idea. Occasionally she is so tired she doesn't spend long on the boob but she loves it!

WittyJack · 02/06/2018 18:48

I fed mine to sleep until about 16 months, when she pretty much stopped bothering. At first I expressed at work, then as I cut down and my supply dropped, I was comfortable enough to go all day and just feed at night.

It's totally up to you what you do, but you don't need to stop yet if you don't want to.

The new baby won't feed to sleep, btw; she is too busy fighting sleep and being awake at ALL times. I miss the ease of being able to feed my first into a quick easy oblivion!!

Original poster

SparkleHorse82 · 02/06/2018 20:59

Thank you for all the advice. Very reassuring. I'm definitely going to carry on BF for a while as it helps with her allergies, but I guess we'll find ways to adapt once I'm back at work and separated from her more often.

It serves me right but just after I posted this DH finished bathtime and read to her, then I took over and tried to feed to sleep as usual.... aaaaand thanks to teething she refused to settle and basically screamed like a nutter for two hours. We had to pass her back and forth to give each other time to eat dinner :sigh:

However, during this DH did manage to rock her to sleep a couple of times (though she woke again the minute her feet touched the cot and started the whole process again).

So I guess this evening has taught me two things: 1) DH will find other ways to get her down and b) feeding to sleep doesn't always work for me anyway!!! HA.

OP posts:

Audree · 02/06/2018 21:01

Can your dh lay down with her? This is how I nightweaned my kids.

Thehop · 02/06/2018 21:02

Osirus experience is much like mine. My 20 month old feeds to sleep through the night and day but is very different for dad!

DrCorday · 02/06/2018 21:17

I hate the word routine but a pattern of bed time things that happen, will help.

You have to be consistent though.

I wanted to be flexible and not too rigid (one of many reasons I BF’d) so it’s working out simple cues that help her feel settled with the person caring for her (eg DH) when you’re not around, to fall asleep.

Flip