Guests to wedding abroad

[Weddingissues]

I'm a regular poster but have name changed.
Dp and I are getting married abroard next year.
Nothing is booked yet but we have decided to have a very small, intimate wedding in a beautiful location of our choice.
It will be a civil ceremony not in a church or chapel.
The only guests we want there and tbh we would be fine with having no guests and just the two of us going away, are our adult dc his mum and my mum. Plus dd1s fiancee.

My dd s have asked to be bridesmaids which I am happy with.
I have said their dresses will be low key and lightweight due to the hot weather. Probably not even bridesmaid dresses . My dress will be sold in tea length dress.

The issue is this. Future mil has asked if that dps niece be a bridesmaid.
Now apart from the fact that she isn't invited, she will be the only child there and is quite immature and demanding.

Dp is not on speaking terms with his sister ( the nieces mother) and so his mum has said she is will pay and look after dn.
Dp is happy for dn to come but I'm not so sure.

Aibu in thinking it's cheeky to ask to be a bridesmaid or am I being selfish.
It's our second wedding and I've never asked for my dcs to be bridesmaids/paigeboys.

Wow! What a cheek.

You don’t ask a bride if someone can be a bridesmaid. That is so rude!

Start as you mean to go on. She is a MIL and should know her place

That is unreasonable, and as you're not on good terms with SIL-to-be, it's not on for MIL to get involved trying to include DN. Especially if it's all taking place abroad anyway. MIL would have her hands full so everyone shares responsibility or, possibly, next thing you know, SIL gets to go too, etc.

Fwiw I never asked for my DCs to be bridesmaid and pageboy either, it's presumptuous and really up to the bride surely.

PS Imo when you get married you marry the family. If you are uneasy about DP kindly lending large sums of money to his relatives who are in no rush to repay him, you need to be okay with that before making a serious commitment.

I like the idea of an adults only hotel, then there's no problem.

I don't know about the adults only hotel - my DP's mother would quite happily use that as a reason to book a villa, invite a few more people along, make a profit out of it, use it as a venue to renew her vows, and announce her new business venture which we can all invest in. All on Day 1.

say no

1. adults only 2)you dont see her mum due tonot paying money back
2. imm family only

Thank you again.
We have seen mil today and I didn't mention dn but she too is annoyed with her dd over a separate issue.
Now she has told me that she is already going to a wedding when we plan to get married!!!!
To be fair I knew about this wedding but thought that it was this summer not next.
I work in a school and it sounds as though the wedding she is going to is 3 weeks I to my holidays!!!!

Ffs I have told her that we have to obviously go then and that we will go when we can and that we have to be in the country approximately 7 days before we get married so in all likelihood of Will clash.

I have also told her that going on previous experience, it is often cheaper to fly at the beginning of the school holidays rather than later.
So basically I'm not altering my wedding if it ends up costing us hundreds of pounds more.
I don't want to sound selfish but we will already be paying for dps kids as they are still at uni as mature students and my ds is going g back to college so will only have a part time job, so again we will contribute towards his costs.
Therefore we will go at the cheapest time in the school holidays regardless.

Mil then asked why don't we just have a registry office wedding to which dp replued, because we don't want to.

This is the precise reason I wanted to go away and have a simple ceremony.

Win win op!!
No dn or mil!!

yanbu

book your wedding as you originally were

if your mil would prefer to attend a different wedding that's up to her

she sounds hard work anyway so

Great so no dn. I was going to say no way. Do you have anything in writing or in text form that his sister owes you money? Now she’s inherited, I’d be taking her to small claims. If your dn is as difficult as you say, it sounds as if the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

I’d stick to the original plan. If she wants to attend the other wedding then it’s up to her. Haha, when we were booking our wedding (also abroad), we had to change the day as my husband’s sister wanted to do Glastonbury. It was only by a week though and we ended up with amazing weather so it worked for us. However, I would be wary of starting to accommodate others’ request as then it becomes a logistical nightmare.