To complain about the dentist?

[ThatchersCold]

Not sure if I’m being over sensitive or not.

Me and the DC had a check up at the dentist yesterday. It was a new dentist that we hadn’t seen before. Me and dd1 had our turns, all good. Then it was time for dd2, who is nearly 8.

Now dd2 is a bit neurotic about stuff (dd1 is diagnosed ASD and I would be very surprised if dd2 doesn’t have it too). She has been terrified of various things over the years, e.g. wind, water, tractors, aeroplanes. When she gets scared she literally can’t control herself, she shakes, cries and is genuinely petrified.

When I told her to get into the dentist’s chair she started having one of her meltdowns. I said to the dentist that she was scared and can be a bit neurotic about things. She lay in the chair and literally couldn’t calm herself down. I took her hands and tried to calm her, but the dentist (who was sat behind her head) put his face close to hers and said quite threateningly “we can do this the easy way or the hard way”. Not surprisingly, this didn’t calm dd2 down at all and she carried on crying. He then got quite angry and told her to stop crying and that she was being a big baby.

Finally, due to my coaxing, we managed to get dd2 to open her mouth long enough for him to have a look.

I’m feeling pretty upset at his behaviour, I don’t think it was appropriate for him to call a clearly scared child a ‘big baby’. I am thinking about complaining about him, but AIBU? To complicate matters I am supposed to be seeing him again next week as I have to have a filling.

Complain your arse off how dare the dentist threaten anyone like that what did he mean the hard way? You can't force a dental procedure on anyone ffs

Is there another a dentist there you could see? Not surprised you were upset, he handled the situation terribly.

I think I would speak to the manger, yes.

I’ve no idea whether that sort of behaviour is acceptable within the dentistry profession, but I’d be asking for a new dentist.

Absolutely complain, that's an awful way to behave. Every child can potentially become scared and uncooperative and the dentist needs to build skills to reassure them and gain cooperation. Threatening a child is disgraceful. Going forward, is it possible to ask around for recommendations of dentists who may be helpful to you? Ones who are yours to dealing with children and/or extremely anxious patients.

I'd have walked out there and then! Totally complain (and I'm not normally a MN complainer).

Thanks for the replies, I will complain. It’s quite a small practice with only two dentists, so I’m wondering if I should register somewhere else completely, there’s a strong chance that even if I asked to see the other dentist he would still be there and it would be really awkward.

He was quite an old chap so presumably been a dentist for a while, you’d have thought he’d have picked up a few more people skills over the years.

There should be a special needs dentist in your area. Use that. School or the NAS should be able to point you in the right direction.

Problem is dd2 has not been diagnosed, she is a typical Aspie girl in that she copes well at school as she likes the routine, so they’re not interested in supporting a diagnosis. Was the same with dd1, it wasn’t until year 6 and the change to secondary was coming up that the shit hit the fan and we got a diagnosis.

I don’t know if we need a special needs dentist, just one who isn’t a complete arsehole would do!

complain - definitely!

Had you discussed what would happen before your went, did she know what to expect?

Quite a lot of dentists advertise that they are good with nervous patients, - I'd look for one of those and I'd phone the dentist beforehand and explain your DD's anxiety, I'd also add that she has had a bad experience with your current dentist because that won't have helped her anxiety at all

What a horrible man - I think I'd have just upped and left when he made his threatening remark - totally unacceptable. Yes complain.

Lifebegins - she has been to the dentist before (though due to me being crap it’s a year since last appointment), and last time she was ok, not exactly happy but didn’t have a meltdown. Her fears come out of nowhere, when you least expect them. So I didn’t go overboard explaining what would happen, other than do say he wouldn’t do anything that hurt and he just wanted to have a look.

Had you discussed what would happen before your went, did she know what to expect?
What, as in 'the dentist will want to look at your teeth, and if you're a bit bothered he'll not try and reassure you like a human being, he'll try and terrorise you into submitting'? Knowing what to expect doesn't always stop the fear. Being reassured that it's fine, having a dentist who explains what they're doing step by step and encouraging you - that's what helps.