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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To never speak to my father again?

24 replies

hehitmeanditfeltlikeakiss · 02/06/2018 10:50

My father is late mid-fifties and I'm late twenties.. he's been sleeping with a woman who is my age and I feel sick to my stomach (found out through a friend who knows the woman). Why would she be interested in a man who is old enough to be her dad?

OP posts:
NameChangingParanoid · 02/06/2018 10:51

Is he still with your Mum?

LanguidLobster · 02/06/2018 10:52

Is he still with your mother?

CluedoAddict · 02/06/2018 10:52

Nothing wrong with age gap relationships. She is an adult you know.

AllStar14 · 02/06/2018 10:54

YABVVVU unless there's more to it then it's none of your business. To think about never speaking to your dad over this is ridiculous. It makes you feel sick? Really?!

BoxsetsAndPopcorn · 02/06/2018 10:56

If he's still with your mum YANBU to not speak to him.

However if he's single then it's entirely his business who he is in a relationship with. Plenty of younger woman like older men, some because of the maturity element others for the financial benefits it brings.

lamerde · 02/06/2018 10:57

More context needed.

Also I really don’t like your user name. I know it’s the lyrics to a song but it doesn’t sit well.

rosesandflowers · 02/06/2018 10:59

If she's a consenting adult, then perfectly fine IMO, unless there are other issues that mean he's in some position of power over her.

If he's still with your mother then obviously more of an issue. Even then, going NC is a bit drastic. If he's not then I'd say suck it up. You might not like older men but plenty do - and maybe she just likes your dad specifically!

If your parents are split, is it possible your distaste is partly borne from a wish for them to be together, OP?

M00nUnit · 02/06/2018 11:01

YABU unless your Dad is cheating on your mum.
What made you pick that username? That song is horrible.

LanguidLobster · 02/06/2018 11:03

I don't know the song, have to google now and find out

goose1964 · 02/06/2018 11:03

I had a thing with a friend's father when I was a lot younger (in my early twenties and he was in his early fifties) everyone we knew said they could feel the electricity between us. It only lasted a few months but what a few months. We stayed friends afterwards but unfortunately he died a couple of years later.

Age is just a number

Original poster
hehitmeanditfeltlikeakiss · 02/06/2018 11:12

My mum is dead but he's married to someone else now so this is an affair. Sorry to drip feed.

Sorry if my username offends.

OP posts:
lamerde · 02/06/2018 11:14

Ah well I can understand your unhappiness at the affair.

To be honest, the age is irrelevant in the sense that she’s a consenting adult. However, if my father were to have an affair I’d be pretty fucking angry as well.

Zcarter · 02/06/2018 11:16

I would be more upset at my dad being attracted to some one young enough to be his daughter

LanguidLobster · 02/06/2018 11:18

Do they seem to be in love?

Looked up the song, surprised it was by the Crystals!

Original poster
hehitmeanditfeltlikeakiss · 02/06/2018 11:36

From what I've been told they act like "soul mates" but I find that hard to believe. This is so out of character for my dad. Had a look on fb at this girl and she's stunning. I don't know what she sees in him.

OP posts:
ButchyRestingFace · 02/06/2018 11:40

Surely him having an affair is more of an issue for you?

In any case, I'd say never wanting to speak to him again seems like a bit of an overreaction. How would you like it if the boot was on the other foot and he was threatening never to speak to you again because he didn't approve of your relationship?

And yes, Hmm at the username.

MiggeldyHiggins · 02/06/2018 11:42

She's a woman, not a girl.

Boulty · 02/06/2018 11:45

Talk to HIM about this like an adult... but don't behave like a child who has had a toy taken away.

She is old enough to consent.

You may not 'approve' but it is really none of your business

Boulty · 02/06/2018 11:46

PS The user name choice shows that you are not thinking clearly at all.

Viola82 · 02/06/2018 11:53

maybe I'm stereotyping but maybe your dad supports her financially?.. I mean takes her for nice dinners, buy nice gifts, holidays..
maybe you'll be an aunt soon ;)

Chapterandverse · 02/06/2018 11:59

My dad had an affair behind my mum's back.

We all stopped speaking to him and they split. 6 months later she took his back and we were all expected to pick up where we left off.

Just beware is what I'm saying. He and your stepmum could very well get over it and you'll be the one looks like you're in the wrong (Even though you're not)

AllStar14 · 02/06/2018 12:00

How would she be an aunt?

longtompot · 02/06/2018 12:05

I can imagine it would feel strange him having an affair, let alone with someone your age. But, they are both adults. I agree, talks to him. Say its not fair on his wife.

I'd never heard ofthe song OP has used lyrics for, for their username, but Wiki says this about it....

"He Hit Me (And It Felt Like a Kiss)" is a song written by Gerry Goffin and Carole King for girl group the Crystals under the guidance of Phil Spector in 1962. Goffin and King wrote the song after discovering that their babysitter and singer Little Eva was being regularly beaten by her boyfriend.[1] When they inquired why she tolerated such treatment, Eva replied, with complete sincerity, that her boyfriend's actions were motivated by his love for her.[1]

HeebieJeebies456 · 02/06/2018 13:34

so tell your stepmum about his affair with another consenting adult then Hmm

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