One of my closest friends is getting divorced (well quite a few of them are actually, but that is a whole new thread) she is firmly of the opinion they have both amicably chosen to separate, they still get on but their marriage is dead in the water.
She says there is no one else for either of them (I know this is true of her certainly) but then he is never ever at home and spends weekends and sometimes whole weeks away. I have known him for decades, and can tell he is different (lost weight, new clothes and just seems totally different in a way I am finding hard to put into words) I suspect he very much has met someone else, so either she doesn't want me to know (unlike her to lie) or she doesn't know herself.
My question is if they are going 50/50 with the house and custody would infidelity change anything? i.e. if she knew he was seeing someone else would this change the final settlement? She is the main breadwinner and has put much more money into the family home/cars etc. He is walking away with far more than he ever put in.
I don't want her to lose out in anyway.
My second question is that she seems to see saw from being quite upset and tearful and then fine again. I am relieved she is mostly fine but this leaves me with no knowing quite how to support her. I text her, she always replies she is fine, I call she she is fine. I meet up with her she seems fine. Maybe she is actually fine???
She is the kind of person that the house could be on fire and all is still fine admittedly, and then everything falls apart quietly in the background. She never ever asks for help, ever, even when she has needed it in the past, and we found out later she is in dire straits. I don't want to make the same mistake again of not picking up small signals.
I want to help with the kids, house things if she needs it but want to stay in the background if she is indeed totally cool with the divorce.
Please advise if you can. I live a few hours away so dropping in regularly to see her is not an option everything has to be arranged.