To think I'm going to be fired!

[kjdtb]

I started a new job in March. In the past I've been a shy person but I felt I'd definitely improved on this in my working life.

But in this new job I'm really struggling to fit in. I try and make conversations with colleagues and talk to them over lunch, but I'm getting a really strange vibe. The answers I get are always short and one worded, and it's obvious they don't want me there. When I'm there they fall silent and I see them exchange looks with each other before going on their phones (to message each other?) They all have their own 'groups' they sit with at lunch etc, and it's clear I'm not welcome and don't fit in with any of them

But the problem is, the managers have started to notice this and think there's a problem with me. They have spoken to me to voice concerns about me not mixing, and are behaving as if I have an issue. I've said everything is fine, but I'm growing concerned. I'm obviously on probation and me not fitting in with the team could be an excuse to get rid of me. I always speak to colleagues and go to out of hours events, but it's not working

I guess I'd just like some advice. I've had a shit few months and losing the job would be awful for me right now

What happened to the person who did your job before? I joined a new team about ten years ago at the same time as a new manager, I thought she was fab half the team hated her. Their old manager had been besties with some of them she got shifted (in reality she was terrible at her job) and they were told it was because she was full time and they'd worked out the team only needed a part time manager. So the new full time manager got the backlash. These were all older people it was ridiculous.

Home made cake always seems to go down well too...

I don't believe being excluded by your work mates is a good enough reason to get rid of you but understand that as you are on probation they could use the line not fitting in with the team but it is really unfair and I feel sorry for you.

How are you coping with other areas of the job? Are you finding the work OK. I wonder if you focus on getting a good result work wise then this will help you through the day. Ultimately though, you spend too long at work to be unhappy and I would be looking to get out on my own terms as soon as I could

Hope it gets resolved soon

I mean this from a place of kindness because I do this frequently - but is there a chance they aren't being standoffish and it's your perception of the situation? I find I have to really put myself out there in situations like this because otherwise I'll just go with the idea that they probably don't like me.

Turns out most people actually do but I almost always assume the opposite at the slightest sign of apathy from them.

It took me a good 9 months or so in one job to get people on side. It soon transpired that one younger woman in the group (she was involved with the MDs nephew) who was about 18 and thought she knew it all had her eyes on the job I was given. She had started there at 16 in the call centre and then moved over to become admin girl. The whole thing makes me laugh now but at the time my blood was boiling.

Anyway getting off topic there, could it be something similar? Might they have expected someone else to have your job?

What was it like at your last place, did it take a while for you to settle in their too?
As a fellow shy person, have got better with age though. We can give off vibes that can be misinterpreted, I’ve been told by people they though I was really stuck up until they got to know me.
It also sounds like your putting yourself under an awful lot of pressure to fit in and be liked, which can act as a bit of a repellant, generally the more at ease you are with yourself the more other people are.
Lastly, It might just be that this workplace isn’t a good fit for you, so try not to personalise it. Just focus on doing the best work you can do for now and see how you get on, but keep your eyes open for other opportunities if it doesn’t improve, life is definitely too short to be miserable for 40 odd hours a week of it.

Noooo don't take in home made cake to people who are treating you this way. They'll take it as a sign of weakness.

They sound awful. I work with a mixture of people, some quiet, some outgoing, and being quiet is absolutely not an excuse for people to ostracise you. What do you do?

Get a new job! I'm not one for befriending work colleagues. I'm very anti-social. You're there to work, not make friends. If they have an issue with you, just find something else and leave.

Cake
WTF !No!
smurfit do you think the OP has imagined the looks ?
Professional behaviour is to be polite and inclusive .

The only thing you've done 'wrong' is pretending to the manager that everything is fine.
Are you able to have a quiet word, or is the manager a part of the problem?

You should say " I have done (nights out, chatting, getting tea, whatever) BUT - in spite of you trying to be a real team player and doing your job very well - other people are doing ... Have specific examples, with days/times etc. Saying vague "oh they don't include me" comments sounds mildly paranoid. Being clear about what is exactly being said & done is evidence that you're not just making it up.

IF the manager is any good, they'll be able to deal with it. If they're part of the problem, or not good at their job, it could make life worse for you.

In the long term, if this type of behavior is entrenched, there's not much more that can be done. Do you want to live through this crap, or just start looking for another job?