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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not enjoy kids birthday parties

91 replies

Chachabingz · 01/06/2018 21:24

Anyone else really not enjoy other children’s birthday parties? My DC are still at the age where the parents are expected to stay.
DH and I take it in turns.
Do most parents felt the same?
DC1 is 4 and we have managed to get out of having anything but family parties so far but when she goes to school in Sept I fully expect to start hosting the dreaded parties. We will get an entertainer/ bouncy castle though.
DC2 is 2 so we are a couple of years off parent free parties!

OP posts:
blackteasplease · 01/06/2018 23:23

Love the post about going to the wrong party!

HaroldsSocalledBluetits · 01/06/2018 23:26

Yeah that's really funny! Grin. And no one noticed! Grin

Skittlesandbeer · 01/06/2018 23:28

Very first thing I do when DD brings home an invitation (before I even look at the date) is to check how far from home the venue is. Unfortunately the trend for mid-primary school age parties around here are party venues (rock climbing, beading, laser tag). So all the families, living metres from each other, have to hike out to these venues and stick around because there’s no point driving there and back again.

If I’m really lucky, it’ll be in a shopping mall venue. At least then I can get some shopping done or find a bookshop.

Why would I want to socialise more with people I see 10 times a week at school drop off and pick up? Weekend time is for chores, relaxation and to see family friends surely?

insomuchpain · 01/06/2018 23:28

I live them my dd has five this month including her own. Call me sad but I love seeing her with her friends it's something I don't get to see because she is in nursery and I don't have any friends myself with children. I also really enjoy getting to no the mums.

deadringer · 01/06/2018 23:56

Yes Loni I would, just as they would have to bring them to the toilet in their own house if they had the party there. In our local softplay the kids can pop in to the toilet themselves anyway it's beside the play area, and my dc could use the loo by themselves by 3. Can't see the big deal. I hated when the odd parent stayed at my DCs parties, the kids always seemed to act up when their parents were there. I work in childcare and i am well used to being surrounded by excited little ones.

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 02/06/2018 05:33

In my case, booking an indoor softplay kids party 2-4 on a sunny Sunday afternoon, would be because if it rains, I don't have the fallback of taking everyone to our house. It's too small.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 02/06/2018 07:43

Those who are saying the only thing you have in common is the same age kids, well surely you could say similar about the start of most friendships.

The only thing we have in common is working at the same place ..... sharing a similar hobby ...... living near exact other etc etc.

Then if you're lucky, there's one or two that you gel with and you find you have other things in common.

My kids are late teens now but some of my best friends are those I met at the school gates/parties. We've recently been on holiday with four other couples and all our teens.

Original poster
Chachabingz · 02/06/2018 07:45

They are always at such bloody awkward times of the day too, although I guess it’s not as though they will be first thing in the morning or late afternoon.
We have one today. It’s for a two year old. I’m taking DD on the deal that DH does some DIY whilst looking after DS.
Of course she is completely oblivious, probably won’t enjoy it as she’s a shy little bean and it takes at least an hour for her to warm up to new people.

I didn’t know it was acceptable to play on your phone at these things?! I thought you had to pretend to enjoy them and laugh all the sweethearts running around. I will be keeping an eye out for other parents doing the same so I can follow suit... All for talking to people but it’s all a bit “park chat” which can get a bit tedious for 2 hours.

OP posts:
Littleredhouse · 02/06/2018 07:53

I find them hellish. DS is nearly 6 but tends not to be very well-behaved at parties (gets over excited and silly) so haven't left him that much yet. Would dearly love to though!

TooStressyForMyOwnGood · 02/06/2018 08:22

It depends on the people I guess but it is absolutely acceptable to play on your phone! As I said, the party where I saw three separate parents take out study / work material and get on with it was a turning point. I did most of a degree module at children’s parties!

Flaskfan · 02/06/2018 08:30

It was the only time I actually got to meet other parents. Ds did a fairly mammoth party circuit for a couple of years and I got some good friends out of it. We no longer do kid parties- we do pub instead.

BlueGenes · 02/06/2018 08:38

Yep. Tedious. It’s totally acceptable to sit on your phone for the whole duration.

BlueGenes · 02/06/2018 08:39

And make DH ago next time!

Fatted · 02/06/2018 08:48

We have a lot of kids in the family and I don't mind the family ones. But I don't like the school ones! Thankfully DH and I take it in turns.

I'm a bit of a meany and don't have parties for my kids. Mainly because I hate them. I told eldest this year I could spend the money on his party or spend it on toys. He chose toys. Grin

greendale17 · 02/06/2018 08:52

I don’t understand the parents who enjoy them or use them as a social occasion. It’s a bit sad, really.

^Says more about you than them

CigarsofthePharoahs · 02/06/2018 08:56

It depends. If there are other people going who I know well, it's not too bad. Actually, its fine if there's no-one I really know as I can be antisocial and mumsnet the whole time.
The hardest is if there are people I know only a little as I'm terrible at unfamiliar small talk and I just end up feeling awkward.
I am waiting for the day both my children can be dropped and left. However, the way my eldest behaves, my youngest will be ready for that first.

LoniceraJaponica · 02/06/2018 08:59

I agree with BigSandyBalls2015. There is always some kind of starting point of a friendship. I am still friends with a couple of mums from toddler groups. DD (17) doesn't have anything to do with their DC any more - different schools, different year groups, different friends, but we are good friends.

I got pretty friendly with the school mums when DD went to parties at primary school, but only made one real friend from that time. We live rurally, so dropping off at soft play parties wasn't practical because it wasn't worth going home to have to turn back again inside 10 minutes.

deadringer the soft play parties that DD went to were in huge places, and having only one adult in charge of 25 excited 4 year olds was simply not on. I doubt if the soft play barn would have allowed it anyway. And I wouldn't have wanted to make sure 25 children went to the toilet. At that age DD was always having little accidents because she didn't want to stop playing to go to the loo. I wouldn't have expected another adult to deal with that.

RainbowFairiesHaveNoPlot · 02/06/2018 09:03

We try to barter our way out of having to be the parent that stays (not at drop and run age yet). Going rate seems to be a couple of "easy" unleash child and drink coffee parties (soft play, bounce park etc) for one slot of princess and pirate (ie small boys whacking each other with foam swords) hell with a really shit DJ in the local community hall.

LoniceraJaponica · 02/06/2018 09:06

If I had left OH to take DD to parties she wouldn't have gone to any. Unfortunately he has zero tolerance when it comes to doing anything he doesn't like.

DD is an only child and we have no family her age and none within 150 miles. There was no way I was going to stop her going to parties, so I did them all.

zeebeedee · 02/06/2018 09:19

As DS's birthday is very close to mine we have 'joint' parties - ie kids run around screaming and bouncing, adults drink wine and eat crisps!

Socrates73 · 02/06/2018 09:23

I enjoy them as at the weekends it tends to be just ds and I do a party brings the opportunity to chat to some adults. People who are sneering "is that the best you can do for social interaction?" Well sadly sometimes it is, if you're on your own, don't have a ready supply of babysitters and don't have friends with similar aged children then weekends can be quite lonely.

That said, I've been to a couple in church halls/sports centres where absolutely no provision was made for parents (but we were expected to stay!) no chairs, cup of tea, little chat from the hosts who were busy with kids. I found these horrific and felt really uncomfortable.

LoniceraJaponica · 02/06/2018 09:29

"People who are sneering "is that the best you can do for social interaction?" Well sadly sometimes it is, if you're on your own, don't have a ready supply of babysitters and don't have friends with similar aged children then weekends can be quite lonely."

Exactly

monkeymamma · 02/06/2018 09:32

The best ones involve teas and coffees for the parents and somewhere comfy to sit. If there’s a good mix of people you know then you can have a pretty good chat and laugh while your dc enjoy the party (soft play etc). The worst have no good seating, too many kids invited, no clear entertainment for kids. These are all “public place” style parties though. Ds (6) went to one recently at his best (girl) friend’s house. Six kids, party games inside, lovely garden full of toys to run about in, party tea, cake and loads of fun. Exactly how I remember parties as a kid, really, really lovely and so much nicer than 50 kids in a hall or soft play going crazy! My kids are both winter babies though so it’s not easy for us to do the same as the weather is so crap when they celebrate so I end up doing soft play conveyor belt type parties.

IveGotBillsTheyreMultiplying · 02/06/2018 09:39

Even school or uni friends are essentially people whose parents happened to get pregnant around the same time. On that basis you'd be sneering from cradle to grave.

In fact, OP, all the bloody people cluttering up the planet and generally being irritating and talking about such mundane things as their lives and experiences are all born roughly the same time when you take the long view.

I like meeting all sorts of people and even if I don't click with them it can be fascinating trying to work out what makes them tick.

TheMythicalChicken · 02/06/2018 09:46

I always really dread them and resent them as an intrusion into valuable family time. However... once I get there, I seem to really enjoy them.

When I was little, children's parties involved lots of extended family as well as school friends, and loads of alcohol. All the pictures of my birthday parties had adults holding glasses of wine and smoking Grin. I think that's the problem, kids parties now are far too straight-laced and try-hard.