Mother who criticises weight

[Merrydoula]

For a long time my mum has always criticised my weight. I've had pcos since early 20s and insulin resistance, this has made it quite a struggle to loose weight.

When my husband and I went through a separation all she did was link it to my looks and weight. It was my fault I was having issues because of my looks and weight. She kept me away from seeing her side of the family most of the time (they live quite far away) Everytime she would go there to visit she wouldn't tell me and one day I confronted her and asked her if it was about my weight, she said yes.

She watches what I eat when I'm at her house, constantly brings up weight stories to open up the topic of discussion then goes on to talk about my weight.

Now I'm pregnant and of course everyone wants their mum at their birth, but because of her constant criticism about my weight over the past few years, I don't feel comfortable of the idea of having her there. It's a time where I'm going to be very exposed and when I was thinking about the birth scenarios in my head, I was actually planning certain things to wear so I wouldn't be so exposed in front of her. Then it dawned on me that this is a time I need to be selfish...?

I didn't have my mum at the birth and she wasn't expecting to be there. If you don't want her there don't have her there. I wouldn't want her there either if all she does is criticise

Does everyone want their mum at the birth? I only know one person who had their mum there and it's because her husband was working away (baby was early).

Your mum sounds quite unpleasant and I would distance myself if I were you.

I didn't have my Mum there either time and she would not expect to have been there.

I would be very upset if my Mum made me feel like this. I'm sorry you have to deal with that , maybe it's time to reduce contact until she can control herself.

My mum is way less of a bitch than yours and it didn't occur to me for a second to have her with me whilst I gave birth. Don't think either of us would have enjoyed that! If she brings it up just say you're fine, thanks, no need. And work on telling her to stfu about your appearance. Is she stunningly gorgeous herself? Pfft. If she doesn't bring anything to the relationship except criticism then maybe you need to start thinking about spending far less time with/talking to her. Congrats on your pregnancy!

everyone wants their mum at their birth

No, they don’t. Particularly if their mum is a judgemental bitch who makes them feel like crap. You need your birth partner to be someone who will totally support you and make you feel confident, not someone who will make you worry how wobbly your thighs are while you’re trying to push out a small human. (I speak as a fellow wobbly-thighed PCOS sufferer btw.)

Why two threads?

I would never have my mum at the birth, and don't know anyone apart from my crazy sil that has had.

YES! BE SELFISH! I personally think how dare she as your mother make you feel that way. I would find someone else you trust maybe an aunty, a god mother or someone else you see as a motherly figure or even just a good friend to come with you instead. and if you to be harsh and make her realise I would have the baby and not tell her till youre home, and when she asked why you didnt tell her mention how she never tells you when she sees family so why should you tell her when to come see your family? but thats the mean side of me coming out so the wise thing to do would be to tell her you dont want her there and why, maybe she'll come to her senses

Why would you want your mum at the birth?

I don’t think most people want their mums there . No way would I want my Mum looking at my bits and pieces.

Oh god Yes!!! She does not need to be there!!! Take care of yourself. She obviously refuse to understand your illness so why should you keep accommodating her??

The mothers Mum isn’t usually at the birth so don’t have her. Don’t tell her you are in labour, let her know once the baby is here. Your body will be not looking it’s best immediately post birth sonwatn her any weight talk at all and she is gone and you will consider no contact. If she wants to see her grandchild she’ll need to comply.

The only Mum that needs to be there is you. I hope you have a good pregnancy and birth and a healthy baby.

So there you are. No one wants their mum at the birth. One problem solved...now just tell mum how her coments make you feel and to stop making them.
Mum is 80 I am 60 and she still bangs on about my weight. I tell her I am not interested in her superficial views. I can’t change her but I can decide to take any notice of her or not. When she starts, I tell her I feel genuinely sorry that she can’t see people’s value in their deeds and not their looks!

Any reason for two near identical threads with two different usernames?

I think I would walk out/away every time she was rude. I certainly wouldn’t want her there at a vulnerable time.

I didn't have my mum at the births of my babies. It's your choice op, and you need to feel comfortable.

Now I'm pregnant and of course everyone wants their mum at their birth

Oh god, I couldn't think of anything worse! 😱
DH is the only one allowed there when I have / will give birth!

I don't have the same issues with my mum commenting on weight but other issues which has caused a very strained relationship at points over the years, she's been better since I had children and we get on much better, BUT not once did it occur to me to have her at the birth! It never crossed her mind and I don't know one person that had their Mum there! Don't feel pressured to do anything you don't want to!