Cancelling plans

[Naz76]

I will try and keep this brief.

Basically me and another mum are friends because of our DD's. The 1st 18 months...great. Then, plans were changed, cancelled or ignored quite reguarly. Eventually I spoke to her about it as it was unacceptable...ie She and her DC's would be coming to our house for a playdate (inc lunch etc) and after getting it all prepared and my DC's looking forward to it they just wouldnt turn up. She wouldnt answer her phone or return my calls. After a few weeks she would contact and be like 'oh really?? Did we arrange something??'. I eventually lost my temper one day as it had happened too many times. I told her I didnt care what she did to me but to continually let my little girl down was just too much. She was sorry etc and has made an effort to keep to playdates between the girls (unless a genuine reason to cancel).

Hence my post. We planned to meet up today. They were coming to ours....pool and picnic day. Lovely weather. She phoned me at 9am to confirm. Then she phoned at 11:15 and cancelled. Shes tired.

My DD was upset....again.

Im not sure what to do about this anymore. I dont even tell my DD about the playdates that we have arranged until the last minute because of her (the mums) flakiness. But today is a new low. They are best friends but im not sure what to do about this. I dont want to put an end to it all because of my DD. But I cant see her getting let down all the time. Any advice? Am I doing something wrong?

Stop arranging anything. It's quite obvious really. This woman clearly isn't that bothered and it's constantly getting your DDs hopes up.

That sucks.. i think you should find someone else to arrange play dates with tbh. Youve communicated your issues and she acknowledged. For her to still carry on takes the mic..id stop bothering. Your dd is young so she wont even remember in a few months.

Stop arranging stuff with her at all!

Find another friend. There must be people around with similar aged children who won't keep letting you and your daughter down.

I wasnt the one who arranged the meet up today. She called me earlier in the week. Then phoned to confirm this morning. I never arrange initiate anything now.

We do see other people, lots. Its just that they are besties and love seeing each other. I do wish my DD would find someone else she likes as much.

Just saw it doesn’t suit
Or if you agree to it don’t tell the child

Don’t tell your dd then nothing lost when it invariably doesn’t happen.

Thank you Amatullah. It does suck...for DD.

Im hoping my DD does move on. Because quite frankly its just a piss take.

If she asks you just say no, she keeps cancelling so you can't be bothered.

Stop arranging dates with this woman. Don't accept her invitations either. Life is too short to put up with this.

Does she have something like fibro myalgia which sometimes makes executing plans difficult? How old are the children? Can you have the child without the mother? If necessary pick her up and drop her back to facilitate your daughter's friendship.

I didnt actually tell DD until she rang me at 9am saying they were coming over. I never imagined she would cancel 2 hrs later. Lesson learned there.

She dosent have health issues that would prevent her meeting up as far as I know.

I would have her DD over on her own but mum is adamant she wouldnt come over wirhout her. Our DD's are 6.

Thanks for replies. Im going to do whats best for my DD. She comes first.

At 6 my DD was having sleepovers at her best friends, of course she can come without her. The mum sounds pathetically flaky (if there are no health issues as established).

Just Dance...her DD wants to come over all the time, asks for sleepovers too. She is a lovely girl but I guess I cant make her mum let her.

Nightmare.

Stop accepting invites. If she gives you grief remind her about today.

stop letting this Clown upset your child.. she clearly has no respect for you .... so why keep letting her do this to your Child.....

block her 'tired' ass....

I find this sooooooo annoying and inconsiderate. I get infuriated when people cancel at the last minute (when you’ve already cleaned the house/bought food etc) or keep me waiting for hours as they change the plans at short notice. Once or twice, when something unexpected comes up, is completely understandable, but it always seems to be the same couple of people who do this. It winds me up so much that it stops me making any plans with them at all.

As the girls are close, I think I’d allow her to make plans but not make any special arrangements for them. So if she says she’s coming over on Wednesday morning and it suits you to stay in, that’s fine. Just do whatever you would do with your DD and if they turn up, it’s a bonus. Don’t go to special effort for lunch, just make sandwiches if they’re there.
Obviously don’t tell DD in advance and if other mum says 10 and they’re not there by 11, go out if you prefer to!

Only agree to meet at her house, or out somewhere you can enjoy on your own if they dont show up.

Thank you all. Really helpful replies. Im def taking the advice x

I would have refused to agree to any plans with her after the second time. It's disgusting and inexcusable behaviour from her.

Do the girls go to school together? If so, they can play together there, but instigate a total ban on outside plans. If they don't go to school together, or at some other regular activity, then just let the friendship between the girls drift off.

She is flaky and unlikely to be reliable in the future. Steer clear.