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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask what u think this means?

16 replies

walkingwithmyeyeswideshut · 01/06/2018 14:22

So dp has a court order to see his dc as ex made it a bit difficult to say the least.
In the order it says to have a book for dcs 'well being' as communications between dp and ex is not good.

So personally if it was me I would see ' well being' is. Dc 1 bumped head and has a headache since yesterday or dc 2 has got a maths award. Etc
And not things like
Went bowling Monday.. Mummy got a strike!
Wed's went to arcades. Dc2 won a teddy
Etc

His dc are always saying that their mum doesn't like the fact that she don't know each and everything we do with the dcs and that we should be writing it down.

We write things like.. They have eaten well or maybe not had a great appetite.
If calpol has been given or something
How the extra curricular activity is going that we take them to.
But not things like went to a restaurant, went ice skating.
As that's not classed as their well being

Unless we're being unreasonable, but the need to know facts are noted. And the dcs are 6+10 so are old enough to say 'mum we went to the park or whatever'

Where do we draw the line.?

OP posts:

Handsfull13 · 01/06/2018 15:08

I'd see well being as just as you stated. It's the important stuff that she needs to know, not a detailed story of your time with them.
The children should be old enough to talk about what they've done, it will help them feel comfortable going from parent to parent without thinking they can't talk about their activities because if was with the other parent.

It also reenforces the boundaries that neither parent can control the others time with their children.

I'd keep going the way you are.

Myotherusernameisbest · 01/06/2018 15:14

I'd agree with you too. Just noting things that she needs to know about, like 'dc fell off his bike and hurt his elbow' or 'DC2 scored 2 goals at football club today' not the mundane 'went to the bank, went to the shop, bought beans, ate them, watched tv.' no need to put stuff like that. I think she has misunderstood.

RedHelenB · 01/06/2018 15:21

Why the secrecy? If parents are together then yourequest partner and their mother would know more of their lives. Technically you're right but would it matter that much if acavities were written down?

Sirzy · 01/06/2018 15:25

Surely there can be a middle ground. Why not say “went ice skating” I can’t see that being an issue and it can help prompt conversations.

TroubledLichen · 01/06/2018 15:33

I agree with your definition of well being. I also think you’re right to reinforce boundaries, especially as the kids are more than old enough to tell their Mum about what they’ve been up to themselves.

It sounds like she’s either misunderstood or she’s being petty. Unless her way of filling in the book is causing problems, like she’s informing you she got a strike at bowling but not that DC2 was given Calpol for a headache, I’d carry on as you are and ignore.

MyKingdomForBrie · 01/06/2018 15:36

I think your definition is correct but I’d also let them write what they want as well as your necessary stuff because it wouldn’t hurt me and they could feel in control.

Rockyolive · 01/06/2018 15:37

What does she write in the book?

Bluntness100 · 01/06/2018 15:40

I don't understand why you are refusing to tell her. What's rhe big deal?

Communication is clearly still a major issue. You're doing your level best to give her no more than you have to.

Just say, what you did. It will take you an extra minute max.

Original poster

walkingwithmyeyeswideshut · 01/06/2018 16:00

We write everything to do with well being. For instance the eldest has bad skin. So if been particularly bad we would say had his daily cream and steroid at whatever time.

It's not secrecy as such but she has done everything in the last 4 years to make our lives difficult Which is why he went for the court order, he got what he requested and more as they said she was BU and was causing hurt to the dcs.
I don't mind if we've done something really special but everytime she wants to know everything.. But when the dcs tell her at the door, 'dad had an engagement party and I had fun as thete was a magician for the kids' . She says, well I don't really care and its nothing to do with me.
So I can't tell what she's wanting.
Just want to keep civil and to the point

OP posts:

blackteasplease · 01/06/2018 16:08

She clearly struggles being away from her dc. It's not about her I know but the fact appears to be that shw does.

I'd throw her a bone and put in a brief description of your activities.

sweetboykit · 01/06/2018 16:17

Is it because she doesn't know the sort of things you write. My Mum wouldn't of done as she wasn't interested in me. She knows about bowling because she was there but wouldn't be aware of if they had a headache or ate a good tea, or if they had a problem at school.

happypoobum · 01/06/2018 16:22

What does she write?

Original poster

walkingwithmyeyeswideshut · 01/06/2018 17:05

She'll wrote things like.. Went bowling.. Mummy got a strike.. At the park.. Mummy went higher on the swing than dc2 etc.
Lots about her. It's weird.
Yeah maybe we'll just do a brief description

OP posts:

AmazingPostVoices · 01/06/2018 17:10

I think that if the children are being out in the middle (which they clearly are as they keep telling you she’s not happy) then I’d do it for her benefit.

Make it very brief and without frills but save the kids from the lecture when they get home to Mum.

happypoobum · 01/06/2018 17:35

Oh gosh I would have so much fun with this..................

"Daddy was very tired today because him and Walking were doing gymnastics all night"

"Walking made us the best dinner I have ever eaten."

Don't do it though OP, I am my own worst enemy.

CornishMaid1 · 01/06/2018 17:52

I agree with your definition of wellbeing - it is supposed to be things the other parent needs to know from a health stance.

I would go with details of how they feel, but maybe add in why, e.g. DC1 is a bit sad today because he had a nightmare last night about X, DC2 is feeling quite full today as we went out to X for lunch, so he may not want to get very much tonight, DC1 has a bit of a sore knee as he fell over at the park.

That is about as far as I would go.

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