AIBU to just give my DD the same meals everyday?

[harlaandgoddard]

My DD is nearly 3. The lists of foods she will eat is getting shorter and shorter. She will eat porridge for breakfast every day, thank god. Everything else is so bloody difficult. We are down to around 3 meals she will actually eat. Anything else is no mummy I don’t like it. I try to stay cool and calm and say ok don’t eat it then. She inevitably says she’s hungry 20 mins later and I can’t take the whingeing so an hour later I give her toast with butter and some fruit.

She is with my MIL two days a week and I know they feed her crap then, but there’s not much I can do about that.

She won’t eat any form of potatoes or rice. No meat whatsoever except fishfingers (and even then she’ll pick at them). AIBU to just give up? The meals she will eat aren’t awful (but not great either). I’m thinking she has to get bored of eating the same thing eventually? And maybe then she’ll try other foods?

She used to be such a good eater, I don’t know what happened.

So I guess the consensus is be a bit more strict? But also not to worry. It’s reassuring to know so many other children are like it, every other child I know seems to eat everything! Admittedly I’m quite a fussy eater so I guess I sympathise with her to some extent? There’s genuinely a lot of foods I don’t like. But I know DD must like more foods than this!

DD is now predictably moaning that she’s hungry and had a massive meltdown when I said she should have eaten her lunch now. Now she’s asking for an apple. I feel mean denying her fruit am I doing the right thing? Shepherds pie tonight which I know she likes as she used to eat it all the time so fingers crossed she’ll eat tonight.

Thanks everyone

Give her what she likes for two weeks straight no argument no forcing her to eat, she will learn to realise meal times are good and have no anxiety over them after two weeks try one new meal similar to what she likes such as chicken fingers instead of fish fingers don’t make a fuss, I bet she will try it, you could always take her to the supermarket and state you can pick any fruit or vegetable you like and see what she picks. I find my son started eating more when he started pre school. Try not to worry make meals fun.

some wise MN'er told me about Division of Responsibility re Food & it has been life changing. My fussy DD is 7, but you do it in age appropriate way. Best of all I just unclenched about it & its take a lot of tension away re meals.

www.ellynsatterinstitute.org/how-to-feed/the-division-of-responsibility-in-feeding/

She used to be such a good eater, I don’t know what happened.
my own theory is young children can control so very little in their own lives - as they grow they start to become aware that they can have some control over food. And we respond anxiously, confirming that there is some power in choosing what to eat. And it starts from there.

We have just bought a sticker chart for potty training actually (not having much luck in that area either!) so might give that a go, she seems to enjoy getting a star.

It’s the constant whingeing I just can’t bare. Mummy I’m hungryyy. Why you say no mummyyyy. Mummmmyyyy. Arrrghhh.

Meetoodear are yo able to explain your post

My DS used to eat everything then around 2yo he started refusing some thing, then more an de more an de by 3yo he would only eat 25 foods. By this I mean that one food was star pasta, no other kind of pasta, and not star pasta with anything on it. I was very worried he would drop more foods from the list. Praise and rewards made no difference, being strict made no difference, he once went 3 days without eating. He was also starting to drop on the weight chart.

Luckily someone recommended an FB group on Direction Of Responsibility (a lot of information is online if you are not on FB).

Firstly you stop all comments on food, negative or positive. No pleading, no negotiating, no threatening, etc.
Secondly you offer food deconstructed and buffet style. So if you are making rice with vegetables and chicken, offer as man you of the ingredients separately.
Thirdly, you include 2-3 safe foods your child is likely to eat at each sitting.
Fourthly, you let the child serve herself with no comment (unless you need to say something about portion sizes and leaving some food for others).

If the child doesn't eat, day nothing but offer a choice of snacks, including safe foods, a couple of hours later.

It really helped my son who has added 7 foods to his safe list in the last 6 months. Food chaining can also be helpful for some children.

Purely anecdotal but my dd and her friend were terribly fussy eaters. I tended to cook according to her likes. Her friend's mum was more rigid and more insistent on him extending the repertoire.
They are both 25 now and still have dislikes but they both eat a good and varied diet. From that I'd conclude that it's most likely a phase and the approach you take won't make much difference in the long run but in the short term I'd say not making an issue of it is easier on the parents anyway.

If it's any consolation, dd (4) is like this too. Gradually over the last year she has reduced what she'll eat down to pasta, cheese, mince based meals (shepherds pie etc), fruit and sometimes egg. For her it seems to be an issue with texture - she dislikes chewy food (even sweets!) and crunchy things like breadcrumb coating. Yep, she won't eat fish fingers

The aspect I find most difficult is that older ds will eat pretty much everything, and we a eat together. So I don't want to cook only what she'll eat for all of us but it's a faff to include what she will eat in more 'normal' meals. I'll check out that division of responsibility stuff though as it sounds possibly relevant. Ds was never that fussy - he just ate very little of a wide variety until 3-4yo. Eats like a horse now.

"She used to be such a good eater, I don’t know what happened."

Same here.

I read once that it can be an evolutionary thing; infants/younger toddlers eat confidently and when they start to be mobile and walking around become suspicious of new food.

Evolutionary = the kids who did try new poisonous berries/animals/dangerous things died and didn't pass on their genes.

DD is a bit like this. She seems to go through phases where she wants familiar food and others when she'll try new foods happily. One thing we've found that usually helps is to make sure her food is cut up into really small bites. Vegetable sticks (cucumber, peppers) before meals when she's hungry. But there are times she just prefers toast. We breathe in and try not to fuss.

Maybe stop thinking of meals that will or won't be eaten. Can you always include something that will be eaten. Chicken, sweet corn, salad and jacket potato. (As an example.) maybe the salad or whatever will be left but separate things on a plate won't leave a really hungry child.
Don't cave. Don't give the toast.

DS2 was like this at 3. I despaired! He would eat anything before the age of 2.5, by 3 he'd eat about 10 things. He wouldn't drink milk at all or eat yoghurt (in case it had bits in) or mot cheeses, so I worried about calcium a lot.

I eventually just did what Booboostwo suggested, though it was through trial and error rather than cunning plan. Somehow DS still kept growing like a weed and has very slowly started to eat more and more. He's still pretty fussy, but will at least eat a decent variety from each food group now.

DS1 went through a phase at the same age too, which was even worse - he'd eat plain pasta (no poisonsauce), yoghurt and plain rice. That was about it! But that was fairly short lived, so I worried more when DS2 was like this for years iyswim.

DSS is a fussy eater, so I plan the "tried and tested" meals I know he will eat. Sods law is he either has changed his mind that day (very frustrating) or is bored of the limited repertoire!

I pine for the days when I could just think 'Oo, I fancy cooking something new tonight!', get the recipe book out and try something I'd not done before... I used to be a good cook! Alas, I fear it will be a long time before that happens again in this house. Meanwhile I recycle the same 7 meals and try to sneak new items in on the side.

My DS was never keen on food right from the start of weaning and has stayed fussy ever since!

I did try really hard to keep offering a broad variety of food even during his fussiest of phases. But I decided it was best to include some reliable favourites as well. So most meals tended to be a variety picky bits. Some new or unpopular some safe.

We might give him something like a bit of our meatballs with pasta and then perhaps a little bit of cheese or ham and carrots or cucumber. Inevitably he'd only eat the bits he liked, though gradually has got better and picking bits of the stuff he doesn't like and surprising is by eating it or at least explaining why he doesn't like it. E.g. He didn't used to eat meatballs at all. But now he can say he doesn't like saucey things, so we wipe the sauce off his meatballs and he'll happily eat them! We're hoping one day he'll absent minded eat them in the sauce and like them, but one step at a time. It's kind of like that with everything. He'd say he didn't like chicken only fish fingers, but gave have chicken fingers and he'd eat them. So gradually have moved onto chicken goujons, then just plain chicken strips without breadcrumbs and will now eat chicken fine. Similar with fish.

He didn't and still doesn't like most potatoes. He won't eat chips but have found hash browns are OK. And rice is hard work. But pasta goes down fine, so does noodles.

He's now 4 1/2 and slowly getting better. Keep trying, but don't push it too hard. I was really conscious of not wanting to create and barriers to eating or making food a punishment or reward in any way. So that's why I was quite lenient, but it's worked for us so far!

I think we tend to forget that at 3 they have tiny tummies, I would let her eat what she likes and worry about introducing different food later. But then I’m of the “you have them to spoil them” school of child rearing!

Mine are a bit like this. Don’t worry about making the same meals each day, just give him a multivitamin and as pps have said, offer some new tastes with no pressure quite regularly.
If my dc refuse dinner it’s a (non sweet) sandwich and fruit. Don’t stress about this at all! And don’t assume they’ll always hate what they do now. My ds would only eat chips but got him onto croquettes which then got him onto mashed potato.
Just do minimal prep, as much fresh fruit/veg as poss and chill if you can.

My DS age 2 and half is like this sorry to say I put a tv prog on he likes over dinner and he eats as his distracted , well apart from veg, which I have to blend/mix it into a sauce so he eats veg otherwise he won't eat any. It's not a perfect idea but he eat this way

Hi hope you are well do you she any updates on the food front ? Going through the same with my 24 M DD