Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Best frinds

11 replies

Evigglad46 · 01/06/2018 12:10

How much do you do for your best friends? I mostly asking the married ones, with children.
I ask, because I feel accused of not being a Best Friend, if I dont drop kids, dinner, homework etc, to talk to my best friend if she has a row and upset with her mother, or if she has a diskussion with her ex husbond or anything. To be fair - It doesnt happend much, maby twice a month and only take about 2 or 3 days, and is about 1 or 2 hours phonecall - but we are both staying at home moms, with school children - and I think it can wait, as we usually chat for 1/2 hour every morning when kids are dropped of.
I am not very availeble after the kids come home and during weekend. I dont have the capacity or the timeout/private time, and would much rather talk on the phone school time (we live far from eachother) unless it is something important (there lies the problem).
I have huge family and husbond - she only have kids and mother. I just feel I dont want a Best Friend who depends on me so much. Is that awfull?

OP posts:
Original poster
Evigglad46 · 01/06/2018 13:31

Someone please enlighten me Before my head implodes..

OP posts:
Windmyonlyfriend · 01/06/2018 13:43

Personally I’d struggle with someone like that but I’m aware that others quite enjoy these seemingly intense friendships.

As far as I can tell, she expects you to talk to her for half an hour at every school drop-off then also for 1-2hrs twice a month for two or three days when she’s fallen out with her husband/mum and she emotionally blackmails you by accusing you of ‘not being a best friend’ if you don’t immediately drop everything to listen to her?

She sounds like an immature drama queen and I personally don’t have the patience for people like that.

But I guess it depends how much you value the friendship. If you’re willing to do that for the sake of remaining her ‘best friend’ then I guess you suck it up (I wouldn’t).

If it doesn’t seem worth it, either be honest with her and tell her you need a little bit more space, or just start distancing yourself.

Original poster
Evigglad46 · 01/06/2018 13:56

Thanks for your reply! Yes we talk about half an hour every day during school week - but want to kr able to call me afternoon/evening/weekend if She need to discuss anything. She is sad She is the only One who value meaning of true friendship. I have known her 15 years and i often get reminders that SHE is always there for her friends, but She recond she is a rare species. I Feel suffercated and Also selfish but also sad - for her. How do you dump a 15 year friendship with someone i talk to every day? I Know this is ridiculous, but it is Hard for me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Evigglad46 · 01/06/2018 14:44

She has been Where for me for Many years Ago during a health crisis, but She is not having a crisis - just that she Feel she is not as important ad my famìly. And She is not. But it Feel like She Think i owe her. And if it was major crisis, i would be there. But it is not a major crisis to be annoyed with your old mom and i am not dropping dinner for that. Am i a lousy friend or is She too much?

OP posts:
Windmyonlyfriend · 01/06/2018 16:48

It does sound like she is very dependent on you, and very needy.

If it was genuine need and she really was looking for a shoulder to cry on I’d be much more sympathetic but to be honest, all the ‘I’m the only one who understands true friendship’ and ‘I’m just that rare example of a proper best friend’ stuff would really annoy me.

You can still be someone’s very good friend without dropping everything in your own life just because their mum’s annoyed them a bit. And her comment about not being as important as your family Shock Of course she isn’t!! What a stupid thing to say.

Like you say, it’s really hard to drop a 15 year friendship. And it doesn’t sound like you necessarily want to - more that you wish she’d back off a bit.

I think personally I wouldn’t drop her entirely, but I’d take a step back. Maybe just do shorter chats at school drop off (“anyway, got to go, appointment to get to” etc), and to be fair, she can only talk to you for two hours in the evening if you answer your phone. If it isn’t convenient for you, don’t answer her call but maybe message her afterwards to say “sorry I missed your call, now’s a really busy time with homework/dinner/bath etc, but I’ll call you tomorrow morning for a proper chat.” Then call her at a more convenient time for you.

If she throws a tantrum about that then it’ll be her ending the friendship, not you.

Windmyonlyfriend · 01/06/2018 16:49

Am i a lousy friend or is She too much?

She’s too much.

Racecardriver · 01/06/2018 16:50

Since when do adults gave best friends Hmm

Original poster
Evigglad46 · 01/06/2018 17:27

She rarely call me after kids come Home- because I didnt reply the times with her mom. Her mom is on debate several mornings during the week. But She makes a point often enough that i am unavaileble when famìly is Home. And it is true. I dont prioritice chit chat om the phone when famìly is here- i have the mornings for that!.. I Think if it is not somebody seriously hurt or other big thing it can Walt til morning. I am not the super close friend she Think. And I dont want to be. Must close it..

OP posts:
Heroo · 01/06/2018 17:45

I don’t really ‘do’ anything for my best friend really? Except text and chat and hang out.

Neverender · 01/06/2018 18:08

I don't think I speak to anyone every day, apart from my daughter and husband. This is over the top!

Original poster
Evigglad46 · 03/06/2018 11:57

I think I am a bit scared of her. She is Very up front in her opinions and i dont Know how to proceed..

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page