To ask for help to stop my DS getting lost

[LotToLose]

My DS likes to wander off and prove what a big boy he is by coming back to me on his own. I’m trying to walk the line between encouraging independence/confidence and him being safe (he’s 4).
Obviously he is not allowed to do this in crowded spaces (I normally let him do this in the enclosed soft play or the field near our house) and I like him to hold my hand or stay no more than a few steps away if we’re out shopping.
However last week I got distract by a work call (I know this makes me a terrible parent, trust me I couldn’t feel worse) and wandered off in the shop we were in. I found him on the same floor looking at toys, but it was the scariest few mins of my life.

Aibu to ask if any of you use tracking watches or those kids gprs trackers? Do they work? How often do you need to charge them?

I’m going to try my very hardest to never lose him again, but this has really shaken me up!

Following as my 3 year old could do with a tracker watch. She moves so quickly I lose sight of her sometimes, like in the park or fields of crops/long grass. She knows she's supposed to stay within sight but forgets. I'm always running after her! At softplay I don't even try to follow her (isn't that the point of it, an enclosed space they can have some independence in?)

I’m only planning on using it in an emergency, not so he can walk ahead and I can track him.

I’m hoping I NEVER have to actually use, but would like the extra security as him wandering off (when I should’ve been watching him I know) was utterly terrifying.

Am I the only parent on here who uses backpack reins them?

www.amazon.co.uk/Littlelife-Childrens-Backpack-L10239-Multicolour/dp/B000XJ8ZTG/ref=mp_s_a_1_6?pi=SL180_SX136_CR0&tag=mumsnetforum-21&ie=UTF8&qid=1527859542&sr=1-6&refinements=p_4%3ALittlelife,0,136,180

I did read your OP properly and I still thought it was ridiculous to be allowing a 4 year old to be a distance ahead of you in a public place. As for actively encouraging it, madness. It only takes a second or two for you to take your eyes off him and to lose him.

The one time DS2 has done this, it's been in the Sainsbury's I use every day, he went to customer services and the man (who I'm on first name terms with) called me over the tannoy. Make sure he knows your name and to go to customer services. Tell him to walk by you, or you'll have to hold his hand.

Sashkin, world you still use reins at 4? He’s off to school soon and I don’t see any other school age kids still on reins?

This probably sounds a bit harsh but giving your child a bit of ‘the fear’ isn’t a bad thing. If he wanders off, follow him but make sure he can’t see you, just long enough to realise the fear of being lost.

It has happened to me too.
I would avoid very much to let him think he is a ‘big boy who can find his way back’ when you let ‘loose’ in the field or soft play.
Because then he is much more likely to think he is indeed a big boy and can find his way back in a shop/museum/any busy crowdy place.

A watch won’t be helping you much. They can’t be that precise in locating the child. It will only give you a rough idea of where he is.

What would help is to teach him what to do if he gets lost in a shop (go to ask for help from one of the shop assistant, go to the desk etc...)
I did exactly that as a child, still remember it, not as a scary thing but as ‘this is what you do when you get lost. And look! Mummy is back!’ (My mum hadn’t even realised I was ‘missing’ so I must have been lost a whole 30 seconds lol!!

Yep, not really the best idea to encourage his freedom like this. What happens when he is with somebody else? Then there are school trips etc. Probably best to wait a year or so. I always have kittens when I see people encouraging their children to play hide and seek when they are out. (Sadly remembering the little boy who drowned at Ellesmere Port boat museum, playing hide and seek)

I would, and did, use reins. I had 4 dc inc Ds2 who has now been diagnosed with adhd. In order to keep us all safe, the younger children used reins up to 4. From age 4 they were used as a 'if you run off/get lost it shows you are not yet able to stay safe" back up measure.

It soon focuses the mind when the 5/6 year old runs too far ahead and then has to wear reins the rest of the way home. I didn't need to do it again.

The other alternative is a wrist strap for he older child, but I really don't like the idea. They can be easily removed and the child risks dislocation or damage to the wrist if they are pulled hard by it.

Sorry, my mistake (Glasson Dock not Ellesmere Port)

I wouldnt use reins at 4yo tbh. 2 yo yes.

Tbh, at 4yo he either is in reception or will be in September. I would expect him to be able to stay near you whilst you answer the phone. It can’t have lasted that long!
The problem I’ve had is when my dc thought his capacities/abilities were far higher than they actually were!

www.thetelegraphandargus.co.uk/news/502865.display/

I have a ds7 who has severe autism and if allowed would be off. We do not allow him to go off. He must as he doesnt understand the danger of wandering hold our hand. Theres no ifs or buts as his safety is paramount.

My 3.5 year old is going threw a phase like this atm and she has to were backpack reins.

If shes 4/5 and still doing it she will be wearing reins until she does not as they are far to young for us to not know where they are.

I hope I didn't sound too harsh, OP.
But my advice stems from my own frightening experiences.
We've all had our moments and it is just all too easy to lose our kids in shops and busy places.
It's especially problematic if you have a runner/explorer, which both DCs1 and 3 were (DC3 still is! He too is 4). I had a breather with DC2 who never gave me palpitations. Losing a child is the worst feeling. I once lost DC1 at the Princess Diana Memorial Playground because I was SO busy keeping an eye on a friend's child (who was my responsibility for the day) who was a proper wanderer. I was watching him so closely, I neglected my own child. All ended up fine, but I don't even have words to tell you how long those minutes felt. It's years ago. I can't remember if DC1 was gone for 8 or 15 minutes. Too long, at any rate.

I take NO phone calls when I'm out with DC3 (who is 4, like yours), unless it's DH with whom I can be a bit abrupt and say "I love you. We'll be home in an hour. Bye." We tend to text anyway. But no one else. Again, I don't mean to sound like I'm on my high horse. I take no phone calls because I've lived it and learned it: DC1 nearly ran into a high road thanks to my phone distraction. He was 3 at the time. He's 16 now, so it's all good. But I think until the age of 7, kids really need our undivided attention, which is SO hard, but worth it.

Hi @LotToLose. The watch is good, charge lasts for at least one day. You can set it up so it alerts you if the watch has been taken off.

Ignore the hysterics on here, MN is apparently a perfect world! In the real world it makes sense to use technology to make our lives easier. I never lost my kids when they had the watches, but it was a real peace of mind.

A tracker won't give you a precise location, it will tell you he is in the vicinity, not which end of the shop he is.

At four, he should be in your line of sight, my five year old got lost in a sports shop last week, I explained to him that when he was moving around looking at things he needed to keep
Checking on me as I will with him.

A tracker won't give you a precise location, it will tell you he is in the vicinity, not which end of the shop he is.

At four, he should be in your line of sight, my five year old got lost in a sports shop last week, I explained to him that when he was moving around looking at things he needed to keep
Checking on me as I will with him.

I have a child that disappeared a lot. Think hiding in a cupboard in ikea. Sleeping in the top shelf of her wardrobe. Being found walking the 1km to the village aged 20 months or so. My ex said only bad parents loose their children. I think it can happen to anyone in a flash.

Teach him the rules. If you get lost in general DONT MOVE.

In a shop ask a shop person or another mummy. Teach him how to spot the right person to ask.

Teach him your phone number.

Teach him to find the car. Ask him directions for going home. Develop his sense of direction. Have a family set of rules. Have your phone number in his coat.

And I tried trackers. They are better now then they were but they weren't a solution at. all

The principle of this is all wrong.

Of course a 4 year old will want to explore and have autonomy.

But you shouldn’t encourage it at all. The message you should be giving him at this age is to stay close to you; always to check that he can see you; to come back to you whenever you call.

You are a few years too early and your approach is risky.

At 4 your son is too young to wander off..
Why are you not holding his hand in shops?
This is your job as his mum.... nothing else matters.
If you teach him he can wander off if out ... how will you feel when his GP loses him

Thanks @JellyBellies I think I’m going to order one and will hopefully never have to use it.

I’ve also looked at tracker models for dogs which do the same job, but like the idea of a watch.