To think something has gone very wrong if you have to evict your own son

[Metoodear]

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-5786541/Evicted-millennial-30-finally-starts-parents-home.html

I do feel sorry for these parents but can’t help feeling he is a product of their own making

My bil is 30 and never worked never not even a Saturday job he has a 1st form a Russell’s group uni his rent is paid for and he gets an allowance

Recently they have come to the conclusion he will have to be an academic because he has effectively been ruined for work we’re not sure he has the skills now so he will just study for the rest of his days funded my my in laws

I feel this is endemic of snowflakery and this culture of gentle parenting none hasn’t to be told to wind their fudgeing neck in less they get upset

Research jobs are not easy to come by and easy to do. They aren't the solution for someone who doesn't really want to work.

Just watched the video of him talking on the link.
He is complaining because his parents put demands on him whilst he was fighting for custody of his son.
They asked him to get a job & health insurance and when he said he couldn't /wouldn't because he was busy with his custody battle, his parents withdrew financial assistance, stopped paying for his cell phone, stopped providing food and laundry services...

He is living in cloud cuckoo land! His parents aren't his keeper! He needs to get a job and provide for his son.

reason why they allowed him to do art is because it was felt he wasn’t up to much else confused he’s actually very very clever

Well thats a slap in the face for anybody who does art.

OK, so if your husband works how can it be the parents fault? They've clearly been able to raise a hard working self-sufficient man so it's clearly not their parenting

Completely disagree with this.

I've turned out ok (I think). I'm a reasonably nice, normal person. My youngest sister is too.

My middle sister is a horror. She has said things and done things that would make your hair curl. Selfish, emotionally manipulative, controlling. We're nc (she is with most people).

I don't think the way she turned out is her fault. She was a normal kid and ok as a young teen. But the way my mother treated her (and still does) was startling different to both me and my other sister from teen years. She has not only enabled her but actually caused some of her worst traits imo...and all from acrually treating her more favourably. Putting her first before all others, before anything. Accepting her opinion over everyone else's, every time...you get the picture.

Having the same parents does not mean you get parented the same IME.

I see your point and understand where you're coming from but I don't agree completely. There will be cases where it is the parent 'fault' but I feel like parents are always blamed for everything. When you see the news and people do bad things it's always where were the parents and this is what happened when people aren't brought up properly. Sometimes people are just lazy, feckless, nasty, whatever, I don't think it's automatically the parents fault.

Academic jobs are often extremely competitive (often internationally competitive) and tend to require a proven track record of publishing, getting research grants etc. Generally they're pretty demanding jobs to do. They don't tend to be something that you wander into because you've been 'ruined for work'.

sweeneytoddsrazor I know

I don’t really know much about art but my husband family are very academic this law medicine that sort of thing

I think they thought he would do art grow up and then have a proper career

But tbh I think once he finished uni they should of stopped the money installed a a bit more of a robust flat mate and told him to wind his neck it the issue is the rot has set in now and believe taking any job other than creating art affects his integrity as a artists

Someone said on here a while ago they are know as trustafains following their passions way beyoung young adult hood indugled by wealthy parents who feel guilty about leaving the kids with nanny for long periods

As far as I’m aware the family have 2 children. 1 has moved out and got their own life so not sure how it could be the parents fault. He’s clearly just a lazy asshole

If you have 4 children and parent them the same in my view your not doing a good job children have different needs and need to be parented according

The first child may not have needed a firm had may have don’t was required with little to efforts of the parents parts however this manchild clearly needed firmer hand sooner it’s difficult to rectify things once the rot sets in

My older son would live here forever has no plans to drive ect however he’s now 18 and I can assure you he won’t be living here past saving for a mortgage

He of has no plans to save for a mortgage then once he has his first big job after qualifying we will support him to move out and it will be happening beyond the age of 23 Barr mental health ,disability or saving for a mortgage one should it be living at home as a adult

And if returning form a breakup it should be a shot term arrangement with a defined time frame
infanterlising adults helps no one

I know quite a few cases where sons in the family still live with their parents past the age of 30. In almost every case, the son has been spoiled/smothered by the parents (moreso the mother,) and been waited on hand and foot, and mollycoddled, up to (and including) adulthood. They never went to uni, they have never left the UK, they have never held down a job for more than several months, and they have never grown up.

You rarely get girls/women behaving like this. Mainly because they are not mollycoddled like boys are, and don't have everything done for them like boys. Indeed, in some families, the girls are/have been made to do housework and cooking etc, whilst the boys do nothing, because the girls need to learn 'housekeeping skills' and 'woman's work.'

One woman I know has a 37 y.o. son who still lives at home (she is 59,) and he hasn't worked more than 2 to 3 years (in total) since he left school over 20 years ago. Currently hasn't worked for 7 years. He gets no benefits money, as it was stopped around 5 years ago, when he couldn't be arsed to stay in any job for more than a few weeks. His mother pays for everything for him. She works in a factory doing long 12 hour shifts (at 59!) to enable the bone idle fucker to carry on his sedentary lifestyle.

He is a fat slob who stays in bed til 11am, eats pizza for ' brunch,' spends all day on netflix and on the playstation, and then pisses off out to the pub for the evening, never lifting a finger in the house - ever.

I have actually known a number of families with sons/men like this. And whilst I feel for the parents a bit, I have to say that the parents DO have to take some responsibility for how their children turn out.

One thing that hits me when reading/listening to the guy in the news report is that he is one of these people who can never take responsiblity for his own actions. When life doesn't go according to plan, it is always someone else's fault. It's not fair to make him face consequences of his actions because it wasn't his fault to begin with. There is something fundamentally wrong in his thinking. I suspect people like him are also not open to counselling as why would they need it when they have no responsibility for anything that happens to them?

It’s terribly unfair to constantly blame parents. You can have two or more siblings and have one turn out wonderfully whereas the other is a stain on society. It’s nothing to do with parenting and once you reach adulthood you really must learn to stop blaming others for your own actions. You are responsible for your own life, your parents can only do so much. I feel sorry for the parents in this situation. I’m pretty certain they didn’t want it to get this far.

My uncle has never married and has had reams of short lived relationships, his current relationship is probably his longest but is tumultuous and very on/off. He still basically lives with my Nan even though he owns his own house. He has readily admitted he has no idea how to use a washing machine or cook so my Nan does it all for him. When I stayed with him and my cousins in his house it was stark, didn’t have a washing machine or many appliances at all and we always got take out.

I started teaching my DC how to cook and clean from a young age so they will hopefully never be like him. He is 54.

It is worth noting that my Dad, on the other hand, is the youngest but has always been fully independent and maintained long term relationships. Hence my point about siblings turning out differently and not blaming the parents although I admit my Nan enables my uncle a great deal, she is old and lonely without my Grandad around.

@Mousefunky

It’s terribly unfair to constantly blame parents. You can have two or more siblings and have one turn out wonderfully whereas the other is a stain on society. It’s nothing to do with parenting and once you reach adulthood you really must learn to stop blaming others for your own actions. You are responsible for your own life, your parents can only do so much. I feel sorry for the parents in this situation. I’m pretty certain they didn’t want it to get this far.

If the behaviour of the lazy freeloading fuckers, who sponge off parents and anyone who is mug enough to give to them, isn't at least in part the parents fault, then whose fault is it?

I know other siblings can turn out OK, but then siblings aren't always treated the same by the parents are they? As I said in my post up there ^ in some families I know, the boys are spoilt, and waited on hand and foot, whilst the girls are given chores and expected to help more around the house.

I also know families with just boys, where one is spoilt more than the other(s) and treated more favourably.

So yeah, even though siblings may have the same parents, they haven't necessarily been treated the same. So yes, it is the fault of the parents in many cases, if someone grows up to be a lazy, entitled slob.

As I said, if it isn't the fault of the parents, then whose fault is it? THEY are the ones who raised them.