to be furious with my mother

[coralpig]

This is a long post. I'm mainly posting for traffic and for insight. Any insight and help is really appreciated.

6 months ago my mum lost her job for gross misconduct. I don't want to reveal the details but, in my view, it was the right thing to do to sack her. She had some difficulties with her manager but this does not excuse what she did.
Due to the nature of her work, it is not straightforward to just get another job and the case has been referred to the governing body for her profession for investigation.
Today she met with a legal advisor who said that she would be likely to receive a suspension from the profession but that it would be unlikely that anything else would happen and, once she had spent the suspension, she would probably be able to work again. The legal advisor also said that the process would probably take about a year.

The last 6 months have been hellish for my family, both financially and emotionally. My mother has been able to do other temporary work on the side but nothing more. Her mental health has also suffered.
I am married and live far away. I have tried to be supportive throughout the entire process.

My concern is my younger sister. She is a young teenager and has been living through these difficulties which have definitely taken their toll on the family.

My mother told me today that, if the suspension was granted, she intended to sell the family home, leave the country and that she would want my sister to come and live with me.
I lost it. I can't believe how selfish she is being.

Her reasoning is that the education that my sister would receive would be much better than anything offered in the country she intends to move to and that my parents could see her in the holidays.

I am very angry and feel that my mother is running away from her problems and leaving everybody else to pay the price. Having discussed this all with my partner (who has been unbelievably supportive) we feel that my sister would actually have a much happier home life living with us. However, we also feel that this is selfish behaviour on my mother's part and I don't want to indulge this.

I ended the conversation on the phone but have now spent the last few hours looking at school places in my local area and how in phase transfers would work. I feel that it would actually be better for my sister (who is currently nearing the end of year 8) to move up at the start of year 9 rather than next year as my mother intends. I think I could give her a happier life. However, I also think this would be a life changing decision for both me and my partner and I am furious that my mother would run away from her responsibilities like this.

Has anybody taken in a younger sibling before?
Has anybody had success with secondary school applications very late in the day? She currently goes to a private school but there is no way we can afford this.
What would you do?

Literally any insight would be useful.
Thanks for reading

Not so straight forward, you need to become her legal guardian to change her school or make other decisions such as a change in gp surgery, this has to be court approved. The only other way to do this is to become a family and friends foster carer, kinship carer for her, but that means the local authority is her guardian. You need more advice on this, I’ve been there taking in my niece

Re schools, the procedure for admission outside standard times varies between local authorities. The term for this is "in-year admission", regardless of whether she wants to start at the beginning of September or halfway through the year. Search for "In year admissions" plus the name of your LA eg "Havering in-year admissions" and see. The LA will usually advise. In my area, you can contact schools directly as well, but there's a shortage of places so LA controlled schools can only give you a place if the LA tells them to, while Academies etc have a bit more leeway. The LA has a duty to find a place for each child who needs one.

You're quite right re it being better for her to start at the beginning of year 9. One of mine started a new school in yr 10 and one at the start of yr 9 and it was so, so much easier on the yr 9 starter.

Nb it's worth talking to the schools directly even if you have been told they have no spaces, as sometimes they find a little elasticity they didn't know they had, especially if the child seems nice and hard working.

I think sometimes schools are cautious about in - year admissions in case you're leaving the first school because of problems there. If you can let them know that's not the case, it may help.

As she's at private school now, do talk to the bursar, as others have suggested. Some are very helpful about advising you on finding a place in a state school - it's a situation they have to deal with most years as families' circumstances change.

Each LA has a 'Fair access panel' which finds a place for children who have not been able to get one through normal channels, so if you were to apply yourself and then find that no schools nearby had places, this LA panel would consider your case and decide on a school. It can order a school to take an extra child even if the school year is technically full.

I would think you need legal guardianship. All the forms that need parent / guardian signature like applying for passport, driving license, next of kin for healthcare reasons, changes in education - what if your mother disagrees with your choices and refuses to sign things from another country? She sounds like a difficult character and it would be a nightmare.

Never been in a similar position myself so no experience to offer sorry, but I would be afraid of your mother changing her mind, moving back, and uprooting your sister again.

It sounds like she'd be better off with you and with important school years not far away, she needs stability. I'd definitely get a formal arrangement, legal guardianship or whatever it is, so that decisions regarding her care and schooling lie with you, not your mother.

Thank you for the responses. I knew nothing about kinship caring and the other legal processes.