AIBU to find this a bit pathetic

[Mummywithatummy]

To not drip feed, some back story; I have been at this job 5 months. It is my first job since being made redundant on mat leave last year. The team, whilst polite,
are very quiet. The guy who sits opposite me, at every opportunity (whilst people are away from their desks) tells me how no-one in my role has ever lasted more than 12 months, and are usually sacked for no apparent reason. Also how the managers are "snakes". etc etc etc. I, possibly stupidly, have bought into this and am panicking daily that I am going to loose my job. He generally is the only one who talks to me, offers me cakes/teas etc etc, he occassionaly talks to another girl to the other girl opposite him, other than that, none of the team talk. Fine, I am here to work really.

Two weeks ago I made a massive slip up at work where a client double ordered furniture through two suppliers. It is my job to check things like this from happening. When I realized, it was too late, and one of the suppliers have been left with some made to order furniture, and therefore out of pocket. Said colleague, who works more reguarly with the furniture supplier who lost out, was really loudly saying to me "what are you going to do about it! you need to ring them!" etc etc. The office is so quiet so everyone could hear, I literally was so embarrased I wanted to cry. However, my managers were really understanding saying "these things happen" etc. In reality it isn't a vast some of money they are missing, and it might be resold to another client this year.

Whilst I am mortified about the error, since it happened, said colleague is blatantly ignoring me in the office, offering everyone else in the small team cakes/teas/talking to that other girl all day long. I dont know whether I should bring it up and apologise to him, or whether this is a bit pathetic. I feel like I am at school, and have never worked somewhere that has this type of environment! He seems to be making it more and more obvious and the other colleagues will sure have picked up on this by now. HELP!

Everyone makes the odd mistake at work, you're not a robot! And it sounds like the managers aren't that bothered (rightly so). Why on earth you'd apologise to your colleague, I've no clue. You will absolutely not lose your job over this, I'd bet on it. Firing and hiring people is a right rigmarole (and expensive) - if you're otherwise a good worker, they'll want to keep hold of you. Avoid this colleague, he sounds like a right troublemaker.

UPDATE. So at this point I realllyyy dont know what to do. And I am starting think have I missed something?! This all seems a bit extreme for a mistake at work?!

So the colleague at the 'other girl' he talks to have both been completely ignoring me. Everyone else is out of the office today except them two, all day they have ignored me, even when I asked if they wanted a cup of tea I got no response... 20 minutes later they made eachother a cup of tea with comments like "second round of shortbread, three each!"

I literally feel like I am at school and have never ever been in a situation like this at work. Does anyone else have any advice? I am so new I really dont want to go to HR but ALSO cant work like this!

Thanks x

Definitely don't apologise to him! You haven't done anything to him!

Your managers are right - mistakes do happen and the important thing is learning and moving on.

This colleague sounds like a shit stirrer and a drama queen. I would cool off - be polite but don't engage with him beyond that. He obviously thrives on tension and you don't need that in your life!

The silent treatment is a form of workplace bullying and should be escalated if it continues.

Did they completely ignore you when you offered tea or did you get a no thanks? The former is very weird and yes, you're right, pathetic. There is no excuse for such outright rudeness.

My guess is that your nasty colleague has made something up about you and shared it with the other girl. Can you get her on her own and try and see if she'll talk?

Remember this is not about you or anything you've done. He's on a power trip.

You really need to talk to your manager about all this.

Explain that you feel a bit embarrassed to be bringing it to them as it all seems a bit ‘playground’ but that you are feeling unsettled by it all and would like to at least give them the heads up.

Then tell them everything, even the silly, small things as all together it adds up to bullying and nastiness.

Keep well clear of him and listen to your manager. They have been understanding and it's their view that counts, the other guy is just stirring! Don't apologise to him either - you have done nothing to apologise to him for.

I have worked with a similar sounding guy, as soon as I started he said "The last person didn't survive more than 6 months" and I just gave him some flippant answer like "Well I hope you like leaving dos then!" and got on with it. I just avoid him and his comments.

No, they both literally ignored me.

The other girl has hardly ever said two words to me since I started, but now I am wondering if he used to talk to her loads before I started?!

Honestly feel like I have walked into the most bizarre job. I feel really pathetic to raise it to HR, but I am at the point of job hunting because of this situation. It would be fine to move jobs if I could find another part time job that is decent money, but doesnt seem to be a lot about. I am not confrontational at all so doubt I would have the guts to ask him/her out right...

Would yous just continue to rise above it?

Don't apologise. He's an idiot. So pleased your bosses have been understanding. Maybe he's been shit stirring all along and this has proven what a liar he is??

Maybe this situation has taught you he had no idea what he's talking about and you can relax a little now.

Bluejava - I wish I had never spoken to him now! I should have seen him coming and just kept to myself like the others!!

I'm a stroppy madam so I couldn't help but call them out on their behaviour. However, I can understand that this could be intimidating.

You could have an informal chat with HR rather than raising a grievance? Maybe everyone else left the role because of this bloke and the employer is looking for a reason to get rid of him?!

For the time being, you can ignore them but then this continued behaviour could affect your mental health. No one needs that at work.

I've got two of these at work. Do NOT apologise! Get your head down and enjoy your role and as long as the managers seem happy, try not to worry about his rubbish.

My understanding is that these people have nothing better in their lives to do than make other people panic about losing their jobs!

Hope you're ok OP. XX

Zampa - I think you are right to raise it informally. Tbh I have told any of my friends as it seem so pathetic - but maybe telling someone informally in HR will get it off my chest. I have noticed from the beginning that there is an atmosphere in this team!

Tempted to talk DH round to another baby sooner rather than later so I can go back on mat leave haha only half joking

*havent told any of my friends

This is bullying. It is illegal in a workplace.

Personally I would raise it to your manager and HR. There will be one of two outcomes:

• they will take it seriously and deal with it. You get to stay and keep your job and work in a better environment.

• they won't deal with it. You KNOW for sure it's not going to get better and will feel less conflicted about buggering off to a new job

Thanks everyone for your replies! I have told DH about all this and he is making me see sense. I know it is playground and pathetic. But sitting in this atmosphere 8 hours a day 4 days a week is a joke seriously!!! There must be a reason no of the others in this team talk, should have seen the signs earlier!

The guy who sits opposite me, at every opportunity tells me how no-one in my role has ever lasted more than 12 months, and are usually sacked for no apparent reason

I think you've found out why your predecessors haven't lasted long, and it's nothing to do with being sacked and everything to do with him. You're already almost at the point of job hunting; presumably he drove them to it previously.

You've nothing to lose by talking to HR if you are thinking of job hunting anyway. And everything to gain if they sort out his nasty, bullying behaviour so that you don't feel you need to leave. They may be very glad to have someone tell them what is happening.

I run a business and employ people. Finding and retaining good people is the biggest challenge any organisation has. If I was your manager I would want to know about this. They employed you because they needed you and they thought you would be good. It will cost them time and money to find a replacement. Please tell them about this man. Just tell them the facts. They will keep it confidential.
It would be such a shame if this annoying shit forced you out of a good job.

others have probably been bullied out of their jobs by him rather than sacked.
either this other girl is his enabler/a bully like him or he's been shit stirring about you to her.

just go to your mngr with this and ignore the bullies

It sounds to me that someone he likes (or he himself) got in trouble with the management and now he's pissed that they didn't sack you.

I'd just ignore him. Branch out and try and make friendships elsewhere.

I think if I were you'd I'd raise it with my manager informally (and privately) but along the lines of "there seems to be a bit of an atmosphere on the team, I don't want to get drawn in to any drama but is there some background I should know about so I don't get on the wrong side of anyone?" Make it all about how you just want to get on and do your job like the grown up this idiot isn't.

That way you've made them aware in a non-shit-stirring sort of way and pre-empted any attempts on his part to go behind your back, but without looking like someone who's going to cause more problems.

I bet he's got form for this and they know and will disregard anything he says, but it doesn't hurt to cover your back.

20 minutes later they made eachother a cup of tea with comments like "second round of shortbread, three each!”

I would have made quiet little piggy oinking noises and chuckled softy.

Remember you are there to do a job for your employers and not for the drama. The bosses are noticing what they are up to.

It really is time to have an informal chat to HR or the bosses. They may know what is going on but equally they may not, especially in light of the fact you are thinking of leaving. They might get rid of His Lordship especially if they come to realise it is probably his toxicity that saw off the previous incumbents. Go in saying you just want to do a good job for them but are feeling undermined completely by this horrible pair. You might be surprised how this may turn out. As PP's have said, it will have cost them to get you. They might prefer to keep you and bin off the other pair.