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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU not to want to hug people?

26 replies

KelpieK9 · 31/05/2018 15:29

I don't think it's unreasonable to not want to hug people and find it a little strange that so many people want to, lol.

My biggest problem is with the MIL who always wants to hug despite me explaining that it makes me feel uncomfortable and I really don't hug anyone! (excluding DH and DS). She insists on making a big deal out of it and has started making comments that DS will be unsociable if I don't show him that hugging is something we all do. That seems a ridiculous thing to suggest

Is it just me?

OP posts:
sexnotgender · 31/05/2018 15:31

YANBU, I hate hugging people. Other than obviously my close family.
Not a big fan of people invading my personal space generally, I’m pregnant and the first person to touch my stomach unsolicited will be getting a smack.

Snidget · 31/05/2018 15:35

Not just you. I also hate hugging and most people I know respect this. It's your MIL being unreasonable by continuing to cross your personal boundaries even though you've explained it makes you uncomfortable.
In regards to DS , if anything I would think it's better to tell him he only has to hug people if he wants to, to teach him autonomy over his body.

kellie92 · 31/05/2018 15:37

YANBU, i really don't like hugging people...I only hug my dh2b and ds. i really don't like personal contact. Its personal choice. It will not affect your DS at all, mine is almost 7 and he is very sociable. She is being unreasonable for forcing hugs on your despite you saying you dont want them.

Kingsclerelass · 31/05/2018 15:38

I’m with you op. I feel horribly uncomfortable when that happens. Your MIL is out of order, and you will not make your dcs antisocial so yanbu.

Incidentally many autistic people are made uncomfortable by hugging so your MIL is being insensitive all round.

Sunflow · 31/05/2018 15:39

YANBU. I don't like hugging or shaking hands with people I don't know i.e. in an office environment. I only really hug my best friend and DH.

Shoutylady · 31/05/2018 15:40

I hate hugging! I love hugging my boyfriend and will occasionally give my parents or young family hugs but anyone else I just really dislike it

SharpieHorder · 31/05/2018 15:42

I detest hugging. Like your MIL mine insists on trying to do it to me too. I get the glares and eye rolls but she is learning to respect my boundary about this. I can't get rid of the idea that it's something about control and forced loyalty. Stuff that, plus the fact that MIL smells awful. The who experience is just yuk in every way and makes me feel sick.

Maintaining the boundary gets easier with time OP, if that's any comfort.

RebeccaBunchLawyer · 31/05/2018 15:49

Agree with everyone here. I detest hugging, kissing and even shaking hands with people other than close family and friend (and even that I don’t enjoy). I especially worry about shaking hands with strangers as I know for a fact that some people don’t wash their hands after going to the loo, sneezing into their hands or handling meat.

Bluelonerose · 31/05/2018 15:49

My mil is a hugger too actually so is fil and sil. I don't mind my friends dc dh but from others it just makes me feel awkward.

Dh thinks because I'm ok hugging my friends him etc it's because I've got a problem with them Hmm (well maybe sil but that's whole other thread)

It just makes me feel really uncomfortable but how do you say "Hey your a lovely person but I don't want to hug you" I don't want to sound horrible I just don't want a hug.

AnneProtheroe · 31/05/2018 15:53

I can only hug my OH and DD. Everyone else I keep my distance from and sort of smile and wave hello/goodbye.

InspMorse · 31/05/2018 15:53

I hate huggers. Grin

Other than DH, DC and MY siblings, everyone else needs to stay away!

halfwitpicker · 31/05/2018 15:58

Hate it.

DH's family are French and insist on 2 kisses every time.

Cringe overload.

blondeemily · 31/05/2018 16:00

YANBU
I don't like hugging people either, aside from DP. I find it uncomfortable and unnecessary. My family have never been "huggy" people, which may have something to do with it, but I really don't think there is anything wrong with that and it certainly hasn't made me "unsociable"!
It's a personal choice and you shouldn't be made to feel bad about it x

ClinkyMonkey · 31/05/2018 16:18

Yet another person here who hates hugging - except my children and DP. I have learned to tolerate it with some people if I only see them very occasionally, but mostly it causes me a great deal of stress.

I don't even hug my mum, probably because she and my dad set the non-hugging cultural tone when I was growing up. I hugged her when she was very ill, then reverted to type when she got better. So if I go in for a hug with her in future she'll know she's doomed! We do love each other though and manage just fine without the hugs.

I find myself dreading (and sometimes avoiding) social situations where I know that hugging will be expected. I hate being seen as a cold fish but why should their expectations trump mine?

YANBU OP.

LP17 · 31/05/2018 16:20

I hate hugging. I have become slightly desensitised to it because DH's family are BIG on hugging. But otherwise, I rarely hug anyone, except DH & the dog.

blueheaven97 · 31/05/2018 16:28

I hate hugging too. I have a theory about this: is it just me, or was hugging not really much of a thing (outside close family) until 'Friends' came along on TV?

Even worse than hugging is people who want to go in for cheek kisses, or double cheek kisses, or those weird things where they don't actually kiss but just come really close to you and say "mwaaa" loudly in your ear. I just don't get it. It's all horrible and false and awkward.

AnneWiddecombesHandbag · 31/05/2018 16:33

I'm exactly like you and MIL is exactly like yours. I've told her not to hug me and DH has told her. My two boys even tell her but to no avail! I have no advice but just wanted to let you know you're not the only one. Whenever sh hugs me I just stand there with my hands by my side waiting for her to stop. It's so odd!

Joboy · 01/06/2018 21:13

Hugging is good for you . Why can't you just be kind to MIL and give her a hug .

Barbaro · 01/06/2018 21:16

I hate hugging anyone except my partner.

DoneDisappeared · 01/06/2018 21:17

I don't mind hugs, but only from certain people. YANBU OP!

(Also, why do people think they can invade people's personal space and then try to make you feel guilty of you don't want them to?) Angry

SneakyGremlins · 01/06/2018 21:20

Why can't you just be kind to MIL and give her a hug

Why can't MIL just be kind to OP and back the fuck off?

Maelstrop · 01/06/2018 21:21

Hugging is good for you . Why can't you just be kind to MIL and give her a hug .

Wtaf? Why can’t her mil be kind and respect her desire not to be hugged? Why does she have to have her boundaries smashed? It doesn’t harm the mil to not hug.

I hate hugs too, I don’t like people (bar my dh) in my personal space.

Put your arms straight out or step back from her, OP. I wouldn’t tolerate it.

Maelstrop · 01/06/2018 21:22

X post with SneakyGremlins!

Gwenhwyfar · 01/06/2018 21:26

"Hugging is good for you "

It really isn't if you don't like it. It's pretty stressful to have someone touching you when you don't want them to.

Original poster
KelpieK9 · 02/06/2018 18:58

Joboy - "Hugging is good for you . Why can't you just be kind to MIL and give her a hug ."

Is it?! How is it possibly good to make me feel uncomfortable and have to accept people touching me when I don't want them to? I feel like people who like hugs can't see the issue but why do huggers feel like forcing physical contact on you is appropriate? Would you like it if I decided to come up and ruffle your hair in a playful manner because I like you and it's fun?!

OP posts:
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