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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be furious about this.

16 replies

embod · 31/05/2018 14:45

I’ve just discovered my exH has got our kids to buy his new partner ‘mum’ burthday cards. His excuse was there was no Step Mum cards. Although I don’t consider that she has that role in their lives either. She doesn’t do anything for them to have earned that title.

If my DP bought me a mum card from his kids I would tell how inappropriate that is. They have a mum and it’s not me. I love them and consider us all to be family but I’m not their mum.
Aibu to be furious about this and feel really hurt?

OP posts:
Aprilshouldhavebeenmyname · 31/05/2018 14:47

Remind him it's fathers day soon and you will be buying dp cards from your dc.

QueenB14 · 31/05/2018 14:49

I'm fairly ok with ex's new dp and get along with her fine, although we are close

This would boil my blood though, yanbu

QueenB14 · 31/05/2018 14:49

Aren't close sorry

TheShapeOfEwe · 31/05/2018 14:49

How old are your kids? Old enough to decide for themselves? If so I would leave it up to them to decide what they want to do.

Idontbelieveinthemoon · 31/05/2018 14:50

YANBU to be hurt but is it in your best interests to let your Ex know you're upset and hurt by this or would it simply be a point he's gained on his tally chart of shit?

JacquesHammer · 31/05/2018 14:50

Did the children pick the cards themselves?

KirstenRaymonde · 31/05/2018 14:50

Yeh this is inappropriate, especially if it’s not a very long term relationship. Might well upset the children too. Not ok

TheBlueDot · 31/05/2018 14:54

That must be hurtful. Remember your DC love you and know full well you’re their mum.

It’s a handy reminder of why he’s your ex and that you’re better off without him. He can’t be content if he has to play pretend happy families with his new partner and your DC, he sounds so thoughtless at the impact on them.

Original poster
embod · 31/05/2018 15:00

Yes it is a very handy reminder of why he’s my ex. Typical of his thoughtless nature.
Although the children are old enough to choose for themselves (6 and 11) they were directed to the cards by their father and they’re not the kind of kids that would go against his wishes.

OP posts:
Bowerbird5 · 31/05/2018 15:05

Get them to make her one😄

QueenB14 · 31/05/2018 15:07

Yeah I kinda think its unfair to say let them choose, if he has said "just get that one" they're hardly likely to have the whole 'but she isn't my mum' argument in the middle of Clintons...so its a lose lose for them, they have to upset someone...

MrsMotherHen · 31/05/2018 15:08

I would be fuming

Passportto · 31/05/2018 15:10

This is the kind of thing that either he did because it was nice for DP and DC and he genuinely didn't realise how upsetting it would be (or didn't think you'd find out) or he did deliberately to upset you.

Either way you have to let it go. Nothing to be gained from making a fuss, more likely just to upset DC

ChuffingNorah · 31/05/2018 15:29

There's no law that says birthday cards have to have mum or sister or whatever on them. Why don't you say to him next time it would be more appropriate if they gave a card with a simple Happy Birthday message?
Mind you he sounds such a knob, if she's any sense she will be dust by the time her next birthday comes around.

bumbleboots · 31/05/2018 15:51

YANBU that is incredibly hurtful and inappropriate

MarklahMarklah · 31/05/2018 16:35

You can get stepmum cards. See. Plenty.
So I'm going to say YANBU, and he's being an arse.

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