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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Help me decide about Rainbows?

34 replies

Bellyscreen · 31/05/2018 11:30

Places in Rainbows units are highly sought after in my area so on advice from friends I’m getting her on the waiting list now, before she starts school, so she gets a place when she turns 5.

I can’t decide which unit to put her in.

One is slightly closer, and a lot of the kids go to the school she’ll be going to. S

The other is slightly further away, my friend volunteers there, but the kids who go there are from a different school.

I can see benefits to her going to rainbows with her school friends, because she won’t feel ostracised if they’re doing stuff together out of school, but I also see the benefit of her having friends who are unconnected to school in case they fall out etc.

Any advice???

OP posts:
midnightmisssuki · 31/05/2018 11:33

whats rainbows? Is it like scouts?

Sorry - im no help. :(

MuddlingMackem · 31/05/2018 11:38

Which senior school is she likely to go to? Because if it's the one that most of the other unit's Rainbows will eventually go to then send her there. :)

Actually, send her to the one which does the kind of activities she's most likely to enjoy, as they're pretty dependent on what the leaders enjoy doing with the kids.

PrettyLittleBrownEyedMe · 31/05/2018 11:38

I run Brownies, not Rainbows, so slightly different, but personally I would put her in with the nearer group so she is with her school friends. The unit is unlikely to be ALL from the same school, so she will widen her friendship group anyway, but I know that in our unit they do a lot of talking about Brownie activities at school and vice versa and she may feel she misses out from this. They all go running out of school together on Brownie nights and get excitement and group feeling by doing this.

Other people might see it differently, though!

laptopdisaster · 31/05/2018 11:47

have you thought about Beavers and then cubs/scouts?

Chocolatecake12 · 31/05/2018 11:52

Put her in the unit closer with all her friends. There will be lots of other girls there and she will make friends outside of the school friend group. Plus if it’s a good unit they will encourage other friendships and split the group accordingly.

Cauliflowershower · 31/05/2018 11:52

I’d say it depends on the sort of activities they do and what sort of personality your dd has.
My dd goes to a group where she only knows a couple of people from school (and no one from her class) because she prefers the activities they do.
It’s been nice for her to get to know new people.
But for most children I think they’d be happier with their friends and it would be less likely that parties etc might clash with rainbows trips.

Nomad86 · 31/05/2018 11:56

I'd put her on the list for beavers too in case she doesn't get a rainbows place. Here, you have to be on the list from around 2 to get in. Plus, she may end up being friends with more boys at school and decide she wants to go to beavers with them instead.

musicposy · 31/05/2018 11:58

I'd put her in the unit slightly further away. I did Sunday School outside of my village, unlike all the other children. When I went through difficult times with my friends/ bullying at school my Sunday School friends were an absolute haven, and gave me the confidence to overcome school issues. I loved having friends who knew nothing about the politics of school. I never minded that everyone talked about the same Sunday School - I liked having something separate.

unintentionalthreadkiller · 31/05/2018 14:03

I had to put mine in one slightly further away - it's been really mince for them to have a different group of kids to mix with.

Original poster
Bellyscreen · 31/05/2018 19:02

I didn’t expect anyone to reply, so to get so many is wonderful! I genuinely haven’t thought about beavers, her mates at nursery are boys generally so if she’s the same at school then that’s a great shout. I’m going to look into that too.

I just don’t know what to do, the argument for keeping her with (potential) school mates is a great one, I don’t want her to be left out... but a social group separate from school is so tempting exactly for the reasons given above, bullying and fallings out etc. On the whole, I’m swinging towards the one where her classmates will go, because the feeling of being left out isn’t great.

OP posts:
helpmum2003 · 31/05/2018 19:07

I would go for separate from school. One of my dc was bullied and activities with non school friends were very important.

niknac1 · 31/05/2018 19:10

I chose Beavers for my child as someone who had boys and girls said the activities at Beavers were more interesting than the rainbows. We also went to a group where the children were different to school and that worked out ok as my children got to know more children. Also when moving to older groups I would recommend trying them if possible as all the groups have different formats, activities, I am sure your child will enjoy whatever you choose, although I think the Beavers might do more camping which is excellent fun.

mishfish · 31/05/2018 19:14

I’m swinging towards the one where her classmates will go, because the feeling of being left out isn’t great.

My son used to go to an activity 3 other children from his class went to. The parents of the 3 other children decided among themselves to start an arrangement where they took it in turns to pick the 3 up from school and take them back for tea and a play before the activity- which was very upsetting for my son. Going to the activity with the school friends won’t necess stop her being left out

DragonflyInn · 31/05/2018 19:14

They are really young at Rainbows. My DD went to one where she didn't know anyone and really struggled with that. She's older now and at Brownies locally with lots of school friends and loving it. Though I feel that actually now she's a bit older, she'd be better able to make friends if she was somewhere she didn't know anyone. So what I'm trying to say is at Rainbows age I'd make it as easy as possible for them (and if you're looking for friends outside school, maybe consider going further afield for Brownies?)

Dsc1907 · 31/05/2018 19:15

I would add that in all the units where I've been a leader, and all the leaders I've known from other units, we've always taken a great deal of care to ensure that if there are any fall outs or bullying issues going on at school that they don't continue or spill out into our meetings and activities, so that all our girls are supported and can join in fully etc.

How easily can you manage the travelling to the further away unit? Especially for trips or other activities on non meeting days? Which brownie units do they feed into? Will you be ok travelling to them?

Are both units similar in size? Do they have a similarly sized leadership team? Do they do similar activities? Do they both run sleepovers or other trips?

Those are the kinds of things that will probably help you settle it. I suspect though, she'll be just as happy whichever you choose, so no harm in going for the most straightforward option on practical terms.

imsorryiasked · 31/05/2018 19:21

I'm voting for away from school friends as well.
It's good to have other friends. I've never known beavers/ brownies/ cubs/ guides etc to socialise outside of the scouting/ guiding activities bit they always look forward to their time together.

ExecutiveDiamondBossBabeHun · 31/05/2018 19:23

Honestly I wouldnt worry. Mine are Brownies and barely remember Rainbows now. Send her to whichever one is easiest xx

Original poster
Bellyscreen · 01/06/2018 09:12

I swear I typed a reply to this yesterday, goodness knows where it’s gone! Thank you all for the replies. It hadn’t occurred to me that the units would be particularly different to each other, so that’s a great idea, I’ll try to find out what they’re like.

My daughter doesn’t particularly make friends very easily, she’s a bit shy to start with when she doesn’t know anyone - and I’m not great at it either. This is probably why I’m overthinking it, I want to give her a great start.

OP posts:
BadPolicy · 01/06/2018 09:17

I'm a rainbow leader and I would say it honestly makes no difference. Friendships at that age are so fluid, I have girls who play like best friends every week and can't always remember each others name. She'll make friends at either.

Seeline · 01/06/2018 09:20

IME no unit of these types ever consist purely of children from one school, unless it is in a small village set-up. One of the great things is meeting others from other schools.
Rainbows do great activities - just like Beavers, if it is a good unit. It really depends on the leader's interests and expertise. And of course, the child involved. I am a firm believer of guiding - allowing girls to have a go at all sorts of activities in a female environment. They can be themselves.
I would pick whichever one is easiest for you - time, day, meeting place etc. If there are others you know you can share drop offs and pickups etc

Heroo · 01/06/2018 09:20

I'd say separate because being able to have a different identity and friendship group dynamic outside of school is important.

Aragog · 01/06/2018 09:25

Dd went to brownies, not rainbows. She went to the local unit but, as she went it a different shook, she didn't really know anyone there initially. She did enjoy the group though and went on PgL trips and day/evening trips with them happily. She didn't really see the other girls outside of Brownies, bar one who lived in out street. That didn't bother her at all though.

Luckily some of the girls were happy to mix outside their school friend group. That can be the only issue - if everyone else goes to school together some of the girls are reluctant to let others join their friendships and can be a bit cliquy. So long as there are some who are a bit more friendly in that sense it can work well.

We chose brownies over cubs as our local branch didn't have any girls in it, and also the brownie group was really active and did a lot of activities more commonly, well in the past, linked to cubs - so it didn't really matter in that sense.

Dd also did/does drama and initially didn't know anyone else there either - started at 5/6y. Again, totally fine to the extent that she still goes 10 years later.

I do think it's nice to extend their friendships beyond school.

MuddlingMackem · 01/06/2018 09:25

If she's shy then you might be better off with the group further away. It will give her a chance to make new friends in a supported environment.

And it won't hurt for joining in at school as they'll have a shared interest but different things to talk about.

LoveInTokyo · 01/06/2018 09:25

Unless all her classmates are going to be at Rainbows and she’s likely to feel left out at school if she’s the only one not in the group, it might be nicer to go to the other group and have some non-school friends.

Is she likely to end up at the same school as some of the kids in the other group later on? If they’re all likely to end up at the same junior or senior school then it could be great for her to widen her friendship group.

Beavers is also a good shout because little boys are fun too!

LittleOwl153 · 01/06/2018 09:26

Look at the activities they do and the practicalities. I went for a rainbow unit down the street as I had a baby at the time. I chose a brownie unit near her school because they ran a varied programme with less emphasis on craft and closework (- my dd has SN which makes this stuff hard for her). I also made sure I would be comfortable handing her over to these volunteers as brownies (and indeed some rainbows) go away overnight etc and I believe if you don't trust the adults to enable your daughter to be part of everything then they are the wrong unit.
My daughter is in a very boy heavy school year (something you wont know before she starts) so guiding has been great for her - that said there are only 4 brownies in her class who are split across the 3 village units!