To tell kids that they'll lose their place at DS party if their parents don't reply to the invitation

[Sakurasnail]

... Within the next week and a half?
DS is having a special occasion birthday (not so much the age as recent difficult events make it special) soon, which includes three nice arranged activities, food, etc, and is rather more expensive than we would usually do. Therefore numbers are limited.

Invitations have gone out, but I remember being quite annoyed last time when a lot of parents didn't reply til the last minute, didn't reply at all, and in one case said they needed a lift on the morning of the party or the kid couldn't go.

I want DS to have a good time, so if someone's not going to be there, I want to fill the space. But I can't afford to just invite everyone and hope some don't turn up. I don't have contact details for the parents, so was going to resend an invite after a week, then give another week to reply. After that I'm a bit stuck, if we invite someone else to definitely make up minimum numbers, I don't want the original kid turning up, as I'd have to either pay extra (which I can't afford) or turn them away. Obviously that would be v cruel to all concerned, but I don't really see any other options. Help!

Have you put an rsvp time limit on the original invites op? Some people really drag it out . I usually put “please rsvp by XXXX date so I can confirm your childs place with the venue”

If its a special event I think there would be no harm getting your DS to tell his friends to remember to reply. If ds nagged me to reply to a party invite I’d do it to get him off my back

Put RSVP by x date on the invite.

Ask dc to ask friends if they are coming and remind parents to RSVP.

Try to catch parents at drop off, or send a note if you aren't at the drop off.

If you hear nothing after that then invite someone else.

I noticed this when kids were smaller. People dont want to plan their weekend around a 6 year old's friend's party so they leave it til the last minute to confirm. They nearly all usually end up coming i find. Annoying but i get it.

Put RSVP by XX Date CLEARLY and in big bold letters with a jolly smile after it.

Sadly, I didn't think to put a big RSVP date on the first lot of invites, as it was a preprinted fill the blanks, without it on there already. I'll do it on the reminders though. It's difficult to catch parents, or even know if notes go home, I don't really know parents to socialise as a lot of them don't pick up/drop off in the playground. I'll have to get DS on the case!

Thing is kids an have memories like goldfish, so you’re better just sending out a note to everyone saying something like

“I have to confirm places for the activity in advance, so please let me know by x date if you wish to attend. I’m sorry but those who haven’t let me know by that date won’t be able to attend. Thanks for your understanding.”

No, I wouldn't phrase it "reply or lose your place". It's a child's party not school allocation day. "Please reply by X" and text any who don't. Preferably email/WhatsApp the parents in the first place as paper invitations go astray.

We're about to have to write to about 2/3 of the parents whose kids were invited to our youngest's birthday - don't have contact numbers for them so can't think of another way to do it! It's so rude. We've paid for a certain number of places for the venue and it's our daughter's first proper birthday party (she's a summer holiday baby so usually everyone's away - we've brought the date forward this year so she'll have two birthdays like the Queen). She's such a lovely sunny little thing, I'm so worried no-one will turn up and she'll be gutted.

We have always had class contact lists (organised by class rep) at school which makes party invitations much easier.

So do we Bettyfood, given out by the teacher at the beginning of the year. So much easier than all this sending paper invites. Also means we can invite kids over spontaneously if we find an activity has been cancelled.

I'd love to do that @Bettyfood, but did you miss the bit where I said I didn't have contact details for the parents? No class rep, no class list, and school don't give out personal details, so difficult to text/email or WhatsApp.

findo so annoying, isn't it? I hope they all turn up, after accepting the invitation!

Parties are really bloody annoying. We had a special one for DS this year, only invited ten and all RSVPd, a few the night before. Then two didn't turn up, leaving them short for the activity. It's so rude.

We learnt after the first year to put an rsvp date on and confirmed we would need a response by that date or no place would be booked but obviously worded it better on the invite.

It stops all those parents who confirm last minute or just turn up. Those that didn't bother responding usually didn't get any more invites.

I don't want the original kid turning up, as I'd have to either pay extra (which I can't afford) or turn them away. Obviously that would be v cruel to all concerned, but I don't really see any other options.

That's what happens when you don't RSVP. It might teach them to accept/decline all invitations in future.

Do you have Dojo or similar you could ask the teacher to post a note on?

I've sent out two please reply by ... or we won't include your child in the numbers reminders and still we've had people turn up on the day. It's very frustrating.

If you are on good terms with the school secretary, she can be invaluable.

What I used to do was take in the invitations, in envelopes, with the childs name on, ready stamped, and she would print the labels and put them in the post. No breeches of data.

That's a good idea safetypins, not sure how happy the teacher would be to do it, but it's worth asking. I did learn today that there's one of those odd unwritten rules about invites from your class - I think it was something like you can invite 3 or 4 from the class, any more and you invite the whole class! So I think I've made a bit of a faux pas already!

God I hate the not RSVPing, it's bad enough for church hall type parties (have I got enough party bags? Is no one going to turn up?) but it's ridiculous for activities you clearly need to pay for in advance. Obviously a kid's party isn't the social highlight of the year but surely you can decide whether you're coming or not and let the person know.

I would definitely make it clear if you resend invites that if they don't reply by date X you'll fill the spot with someone else.

I think it was something like you can invite 3 or 4 from the class, any more and you invite the whole class! So I think I've made a bit of a faux pas already!

How many in the class? I would never leave a minority of children out but in a class of 20+ surely inviting 8 is OK? Having said that lots of the parents in my DCs' school seem to to do "girls only" or "boys only" to avoid causing offence. I always think this is a shame though as lots of the kids have good boy-girl friendships.

Another option is that if you fill a spot with another kid you could send a note to the kid whose spot has been filled saying something like "sorry little Harry couldn't make DS's party it would be lovely to have him round to play after school instead - here's my number"

We recently had this problem. Why don't people rsvp, its so rude!

I like AIIMYsmellySocks idea.

Best because they're keeping their options open. If nothing better turns up then the might attend.

Or, they're just shit at managing things. I used to check my DC's bags the second they got in....looking for homework/notes from the teacher/invitations/dirty kit.

I'd then put important stuff on the fridge. Now mine are older...I don't do it because they tell me the important stuff.