To feel devastated

8 replies

JELLYFISHANDCHIPS · 30/05/2018 22:18

I've NC as this feels very personal and my previous posts could identify me if anyone I know reads this.
My son had an appointment with camhs recently as he has found school and home life increasingly hard for a while (he's 7).
They assessed him briefly for ASD and concluded he didn't fit into the three areas they look at, apart from some sensory issues that I've noticed he struggles with. I think they are going to say he has anxiety and as some of the questions they asked were around my own anxiety (which I've had for many years) I'm pretty sure they are going to say I've passed it on to him.
AIBU to just feel like a failure of a mum for this? I've basically made my son a little worrier by worrying about him and trying to protect him. I'm going back on my own in a month and I'm open to whatever they suggest but I'm so scared they will say I've made him anxious by being anxious myself.

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LML83 · 30/05/2018 22:24

you sound like a good mum to me. And like most mum's you feel guilty that no matter what choice you make there is another one that might have been better.

With your experience you are probably very tuned in to anxiety and have helped him a lot. Also learning to manage anxiety young will be a very good skill as he grows.

Don't worry about what they might say, focus on the present and take any support or advice when it comes.

you didn't cause this
the professionals are looking to resolve his anxiety not blame someone.

Nb65988 · 31/05/2018 04:07

Be thankful if it is only anxiety and thats not ure fault try doing things that make him confident

Original poster

JELLYFISHANDCHIPS · 31/05/2018 16:27

Thank you both

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SweetCheeks1980 · 31/05/2018 17:09

I think the best thing you could do is try and overcome your anxiety.
It's the same with dogs, owners with anxiety create dogs with anxiety...

Wolfiefan · 31/05/2018 17:12

I have anxiety.
My son has some similar traits. He didn't catch the anxious from me! But if I have influenced his behaviour then I can continue to do so but in a positive way. I can conquer my anxiety and inspire him to do the same. I can also model techniques to help to do so.

YouAreNotImportant · 31/05/2018 17:16

Are you doing anything to address or work on your anxiety?

mynameyourname · 31/05/2018 17:19

Anxiety most probably has a strong genetic component. My son's very much the anxious type, as am I, but I bet you anything you like you'd never know that I was, though I've got an official diagnosis 'n' everything! . He's inherited it in the same way he got my talent for drawing and his dad's language skills.

As wolfiefan says, you can model techniques for overcoming it. It's just one of those extra challenges that most of us have in one form or another. At least he will have the advantage of having a parent who knows all about it and how to deal with it (which is something I never had).

Original poster

JELLYFISHANDCHIPS · 31/05/2018 17:51

Yes I've had anxiety since I was a teen. Had various talking therapies. I've recently been back to my Dr to ask for counselling and I have to self refer now so I will be doing that. I do exercise, talk to others and above all try and stay positive and comforting to my children. I know I can help my son I just feel awful that he's suffering. Thanks.

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