To think DH needs a break from his online friends?

[petrolblue]

I have been with DH for around 5 years, we have a young DD and though we have had our ups and downs previously its recently i have become increasingly concerned with the amount of time he spends on what he calls a "mens lifestyle forum".
Ill save you the details for fear of this being traced back to me but it started out (he says) as a music forum (DH used to DJ) but has over the years become more of a hub for like minded men to chat about life, clothes, football, culture etc.
DH has used the site for over a decade and is from what i gather 'part of the furniture' there.
Although i do not see the attraction to the site myself (90% of what they post makes no sense to me if i'm honest), i think DH having an outlet to chat to friends is a good thing, especially since we moved recently to be closer to my family.
Lately though, DH's behaviour has changed dramitcally, staying up late drinking and answering back with childish retorts when i question his behaviour.
On Easter weekend for example he flew himself to a wedding in France completly unnounced, leaving both myself and DD alone.
The final straw was this weekend when i came downstairs at 1am to find him rolling a barell of beer around the basement "to liven it" as he had run out of beer.
DH is a homebrew 'enthusiast' so always has a keg or two on the go and would have needed to have drunk roughly 30 pints that evening to then be starting on a second barell.
Wobblying on a small corner table i spotted my laptop, open on his 'lifestyle forum' and about to drop in to a pool of spilt beer at any moment.
I grabbed my laptop and told him i was going to bed and that he better sort himself out before DD wakes up.
When I got myself in to bed i took a look at the open laptop before shutting it down.
What i saw was bizzare quite frankly, there was page after page of his male friends egging each other on to drink , even raising little pictures of pint glasses at each other.
AIBU to tell DH he needs to distance himself from this site and pay more attention to the people in his real life rather than living in some kind of virtual public house?

The behavioural change doesn’t sound great. Are you sure he actually did go to a wedding? And 30 pints

I don’t think YABU but you should be prepared at getting the amount of time you spend on this site (and I don’t know what that is) levelled back at you, justifyingly or not.

Thanks *@MissionItsPossible i'm mostly just a lurker here, i read a little on my lunch breaks and also i can confirm MN has yet to lead me to be rolling around my basement floor drunk at 1am.

Sounds like he's lost the plot and needs to take up a real life hobby like gardening or something. How is he with DD?

If they are his friends have you considered contacting them & making them aware of the effect they are having on him & how they are effecting his family life?

Thanks *@Hoopaloop coincidentally when he is in work its as a gardener and i think it puts him off ever doing any for enjoment, i have to pay someone else to do ours! :D
Apart from the times he has vanished for days at a time (his French excursion was not the first, he is absolutely great with DD i will say.
Its always once DD is tucked up in bed that 'the wheels come off' so to speak.

*@Livingsymbol i think the danger involving his online friends would be the embarrassment would cause him to not only resent me but act up even more just to prove he was "one of the lads".
He's a few years younger than myself and at times can be quite childish, especially if he feels he is being ridiculed or misunderstands a situation.

petrol it’s not reddit, is it? There’s some crazy subreddits that teach men how to get their wives to be subservient:

www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/2vykau/a_guide_for_beginners_to_mrp/

www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/

Seriously it’s insane. Take a look; if it sounds like your husband, you might want to question him on this.

If he's been on that site for years and it's only now his behaviour is changing then maybe the site is not the problem.

Sounds like he's having some sort of midlife crisis.

*@ziggiestardust no its not Reddit, somewhere much smaller hence my reluctance to give too much away.

I honestly don't believe he is attempting to do anything as sinister as make me subservient, if he is he has a very slapdash approach to it.

I think he just reads what the other men on the forum claim to be doing, believes every single word of it and feels like he is missing out when he is not doing the same.

I honestly think if you were to offer my DH 'the red pill', he'd check how much change he has in wallet and ask how much it would cost for 2.

Ah that’s good to hear OP, I just wanted to check. I’m on reddit anyway and I was horrified when that sub was linked in another discussion. Makes you wonder what goes on in some people’s homes!

I would bet money on it being the same forum as my dp. The one where they think its funny to troll on other forums and such?
Honestly, they're all absolute idiots who need to realise they arent 17 anymore and need to grow up, my dp included

It could very well be *@listenhere its that kind of place.
From DH, has told me the forum he uses spend half the time trolling each other and other half complaining that most of the other users have left.
DH seems to get a kick out of it still sadly, he's like a child with a new toy sometimes and cant wait to leave the dinner table

Sorry i should have previewed my post, a few errors there, i must be tired! zzz

He needs to grow up sitting on a forum egging each other on like teenagers he needs to get a grip I would not give him my laptop until he sort himself out and stops acting like an idiot cause people he's never met tell him to

YANBU. He's going to get himself into a drinking problem and more.

Petrolblue

There must be one person who you can speak to about this to try talk to him?

I would it him down discuss my concerns, if he didn’t listen then start implementing some corrective measures.

How can you look at him knowing that he is a internet troll?

That's just... bizarre.
Is he quite naive in general?

we should probably beat them at their own game and start posting in their forum about how many pints we can drink in a session, the best types of nipple or Tommy Robinson

Morning *@maxthemartian *"Is he quite naive in general?"

I find it difficult to judge as there is an age gap between myself and DH plus my job (teacher) slightly normalises immature behaviour to a degree!
When i was the age he is now for example, Facebook was still called thefacebook , so its been easy for me to put his online activities down to me being out of touch.
His behaviour offline has at times been harder to excuse but i have always felt the two things were linked, so again maybe my fault for not 'getting with the times'!?