Kids playing out and the rules.

[Thingiebob]

Recently I have started to let my two children play out the front of my house. We live on a fairly quiet estate and lots of the children play together. I feel my two are old enough now plus the weather is nice. They've made lots of friends and enjoy playing in front of the houses. It is also a terrace and the kids pop in and out of each other's gardens though the back paths although I prefer mine to stay in my garden or on neutral territory in view due to age and the fact I have two, but I'm happy for other children to come and play.

We have a trampoline and a few other large garden toys squeezed into a small garden so it seems our garden has become quite popular.
I've noticed that there are two boys the same age as mine who come and play but quite often spend hours and hours at a time. I never see their parents as they are on the next street, although I do know them to say hello to. They are both 7/8 years old and can spend from 3.30 to gone 7 round my garden and house with no parental supervision apart from mine.

AIBU unreasonable to think they are a bit young for their parents to leave them for hours at time, with no real knowledge of their whereabouts? I would at least pop round now and again to make sure mine were fed and watered. I'd also want to know where they were and who they are with. Neither of the boys have phones or watches.

I'll always offer them drinks and quite often my kids have snacks and they always share with whomever is playing in the garden. If there was ever a problem I would help as I am never far away.

AIBU to ask if this is relatively normal 'playing out' behaviour? It's sort of a new thing for me and my children. I genuinely wonder what must be going through these parents' heads when their seven year old is gone for hours. The Dad has come knocking at 7.30 before so he obviously knows where his son has gone, but part of me thinks is this verging on cheeky fuckery? Or just normal?

I offer drinks and the odd bit of fruit or biscuit now and again but nothing too exciting so I don't think they are coming for a free feed. They are both in my kids' class at school so are friends in and out of school.

Dunno what I'm really asking to be honest!

My dc play out but on the street, in communal areas. Going in a garden is ‘going to someone’s house’ not playing out.

I’d deal with it by telling my own dc to play in the street, like you say on nuteral,territory , not the garden when they are playing out because I wouldn’t want a load of kids that I would then feel responsible for.

I'm not sure what constitutes normal but I wouldn't be happy with my 7/8 year old being out without me knowing where they are. I'd also like to know there was a specific adult responsible for them. When I was little we all played out and the rule was to stay on the street (so no crossing roads) and we'd have to let our parents know if we were going in to someone else's house.

Sorry - just realised how long the first post is!

When I was their age (mid/late 90s) I would spend hours playing over the heath, in the street or at neighbours houses but my Mum always knew where I was and so I suppose this is similar to your situation.
I don't have children of my own yet but I can't help but feel like I'd want to keep an eye on them or at least check in on them every hour or so?

I thought playing out was on the street/any communal areas like how new estates often have a big green or a playground. Sounds like these boys are just coming round to play uninvited which is so not the same thing. I bet the parents are having a nice relaxing afternoon whilst you mind their kids! I might be tempted to invest in a lockable side gate so and visitors have to ask permission to come in.

Sorry that should be ‘ANY visitors have to ask to come in’

Yes this is too long and is annoying. What would happen if they fell off the trampoline and hurt themselves? Do you even have a number for their parents? We have a couple of the children on our street to play like this but I have both their mums numbers and I would be prepared to tell them to go home when it doesn't suit us anymore and certainly after a couple of hours. Yes it's cf behaviour. Just send them home after a bit or don't let them in without knowing who they are and where they live.

DD is 8 and she is allowed to play out in communal areas, but if she wants to go and play in someone’s house/garden she has to let me know. This means I should be able to find her when I want her! And I go out and check every half hour or so (she’s normally back by then anyway). I wouldn’t be happy with what you’re describing OP.

Thank you. It's difficult to know if I am being paranoid or a bit 'helicoptery,' They are all sensible friendly kids, but I couldn't imagine letting my 8 year old disappear off round the corner for four hours at a time and not be concerned as to whose house she was in or whether she was eating or drinking in hot weather.

Mine can't play out, we're on a main road. DD could go to the park if she wanted to though.

They always knock on the door and ask politely. If it's not convenient I tell them. It's not as if they appear uninvited. Sorry should have made that clear from the start.

You're being taken for a mug, OP.

Get a lock on the gate unless you want to become their free childminder.

I wouldn't allow children into our house or garden without explicit permission and notification of their parents. Playing out is different but at that age I would expect there to be a degree of supervision.

We've recently moved to a cul de sac where all the children play out and whilst I was very lax to start with and said yes to them playing out a lot, I've realised that there are sometimes different faces amongst the group and that other parents locally have no idea where their children are or who they're playing out with. I feel really uncomfortable about not knowing who my children are talking to, especially as a couple of these slightly older children have phones and I don't want mine photographed or recorded on devices I have no control over. I've also very quickly wearied of the door knocking etc and am in the process of setting much more stringent boundaries to protect family time and so I can be sure of what's going on.

It's been a big shock to me that some children are playing a good few minutes' walk and out of eye and ear shot of their parents, sometimes for hours at a time. I don't want to be responsible for feeding/watering and supervising children I don't know and I don't think you should either.

That said, when we were young my mum deliberately welcomed all comers as she was happier to host than have us play outon the street or in other people's gardens. But she did always insist that she knew who they were and that their parents had agreed.

The rules we have for playing out are:

1. Stop and look every time you cross the road (despite it being rural and rarely having cars).
2. They can play between out house and the corner, and on the green in front.
3. Be kind to everyone - no leaving one or two kids out. If they are taking an exciting toy out they have to share/let others have a go (if relevant, there are only 4 other kids in the village who we know well and are all friends).
4. If they are going in someone's house they have to come back and ask if it is ok (and they know I will ask if an adult has said it is ok for them to go in).
5. Where shoes on the back field (as there are occasionally adders).
6. Come in when I call without a massive fuss.

My ds plays out the front of the houses or the field directly in front. We are very fortunate not to be on a main raod. He has two friends in the street and if he's going to play in their gardens I like him to come tell me first. I check on him regularly and bring him in for his tea and let him back out afterwards.

However the other little boy in the street can sometimes be in my garden for hours without a peep out of mum. If my son is having snacks/drinks I will offer him aswell but at meal times I send him home and tell him my ds will call on him afterwards. Im not turning into a free meal ticket

Everyone's opinion is different. For instance I was never ever allowed to play out on the streets, nor will o allow my children to.

My 8 year old DS can spend hours (all day often) playing at his mates house (also 8yo boy) across the road from us. Or they might spend all day at ours. Or they might flit between playing football on the street, bike riding up the street and scootering over ramps.

I would think nothing of having both boys at mine all day. Or both my son vanishing across the road all day (which is lovely for me). Or bring the responsible adult for both when they are on the street, as would my neighbour.

We would feed the friend if needed, or send him home when we eat our meals. Exactly as my neighbour would for my son. Often one set of parents might pop out while thr boys are playing at neighbours house, with the knowledge and permission of neighbour of course. It's all just neighbourly goodwill really.

can spend from 3.30 to gone 7 round my garden

Surely you and your son eat dinner at some point? Just send the kids home when I put have dinner.

If it's then ok for them to play, let them and stop feeling resentful about it. If it isn't, be assertive and say no playing here today I'm afraid.

I have a (different) CF neighbour who would happily have all her children playing at my house all day every day, but never reciprocated. In the end I started asking her directly if the children could all play at theirs instead if mine. She said no, repeatedly. So I stopped her children playing at mine completely.

Children don't know they are found wrong though. So be direct and assertive. Tell them it's time your DS played at theirs. Or that you all 'played out'. Or just that playing at yours isn't happening today. You need you be assertive about it. Children don't take hints.

Yes we do eat dinner. Unlike these kids apparently! Often I call mine in and the other kids wander off or hang around in the garden until they’ve finished.

I have no problem telling them to leave or setting boundaries, nor do I mind them playing in my garden with my kids. Not sure where the idea I am resentful came from.

I was more asking AIBU to think it’s a bit weird to send your seven year old off for such a significant period of time and not consider what they’re up to or the impact on other people, or is it totally normal? I think I’d be horrified if I discovered one of mine was at a neighbours for hours eating and drinking and generally being supervised. These parents think nothing of sending their kid out with the instruction to be back by seven. He has no watch so they are presuming an adult will tell him the time.