...to give up doing chores for my family

[MrsMuddlePluck]

After 23 years of fetching, carrying, cleaning, cooking - you know the scenario - I have now stopped doing the chores for my now grown-up family. Trouble is no-one seems to have noticed, until DH realises he hasn't got an ironed shirt for his interview and then I get a boll*&^g.

My kids are now 20, 19 and 15. They all have different food fads and tastes so it's impossible to cook for everyone - so I don't.

They can do laundry but 'forget' to dry and certainly never iron anything. I have shown them all how, when they were younger, but they show no inclination to do it - just moan at me when I haven't.

Both DH and I work f-t, but I am the one who has to decide on dinner, walk the dog, clean up the mess they've left in the kitchen, nag them to put their dirty stuff in the laundry bins, etc. DH is actually as bad as they are - there is a mountain of dumped clean and dirty clothes on the floor, so big now that I cannot now move my chair out at the dressing table [MY space] to do my hair so I have to stand, straddling his sh*t and trying not to lose my balance.

I have tried pointing out / gently suggesting / nagging / shouting / full-on screaming, but nothing works so I decided a while back that I wouldn't get rattled, but would just ignore the undone chores.

I am simply too tired [mentally - I'm physically very fit] to bother any more. Am I right to hold out like this?

Well done op!

Good for you. I found with teenagers that saying, 'you need to pick your own crap up by x deadline' worked.

If not done by then I would cheerily do it for them.

Only my method involved a black bin liner and a game of 'Supermarket Sweep' on my way to the outside rubbish bin. Your favourite high heels and the hoodie you've discarded will be swept up along with your maths homework, your rotting apple core, your plate of crusts and the snotty tissue you left on top of it and happily dumped in the bin. You snooze you lose in this house.

Love that!
OP stay strong. How have the kids responded?

You shouldnt be getting told off for not ironing his shirts

Absolutely leave them to it. My OH is a pain in the ass for leaving dirty clothes all round the bedroom. I screw them ip into a ball and put down his side of the bed so I can easily ignore it and get to my side of the bed without having to walk all over it! He knows now not to ask me where his clothes are - they are exactly where he left them. I am not doing washing for someone who expects me to pick their dirty pants and socks off the floor! If it’s not in the laundry basket it doesn’t get washed!

Does he really give you a 'bollocking' for not ironing his shirts?

It would still be unacceptable to speak to you as if you were an employee and he a (rude and crap-at-people-managing) boss if you were a SAHM and you'd agreed it would be your job. But when you both work FT... I'm lost for words.

My 13 and 10yos get called back to the table every time if they've left their plates/mess. They get interrupted in enjoyable pastimes to clear their schoolbags away and take their lunchboxes out. Clothes in the laundry is an ongoing issue for the 10yo in particular, but we'll get there. And if they ever want or need to wear shirts, they will get non-iron ones and learn to hang them up at the right moment, or learn to iron them themselves. I know how much more effort it is than to simply do it yourself, but my theory (and hope) it is will pay dividends.

Oh, and 10yo in particular is terribly fussy with food. But he, like his brother, can fry eggs, make (very elaborately done) potato rösti, make a tomato sauce for pasta and a salad.

Bless I love it!

I would honestly move out. I don’t want to live in a shit hole, or skivvy for a bunch of ungrateful, entitled, disrespectful wankers (family or not!)

See he can do it he chooses, or rather simply leaves it to you....

Stay strong OP

I e recently downed tools where the 12 and 20 ur old are concerned after literally going around behind them and them not even flushing the bloody loo after themselves
The 20 yr old and 12 yr old now know that the minute they don't bring dishes back down and put them in dishwasher food and drinks are banned upstairs. They also now know that the next time I find one of my towels on their bedroom floors they will be allocated one towel each and that's it. If they don't hang them out to dry the minute they've used it they will be using a skanky musty towel each day to dry themselves with.

My 20 yr olds washing has been on the line since Monday morning and it's staying there till he brings it in and folds it himself as I've told him I no longer am responsible for his clothes.
When I wash dry iron fold it and put it in his room for him and then find it all over the floor in a heap that's it

I stopped doing my kids washing when they were 14. Showed them how to use the washing machine and left them to it. Didn't take them long to realise that if they wanted something clean and dry for a specific day, they needed to make sure they got it washed and hung up by a couple of days before, although there were still a few times where socks or pants needed drying with a hairdrier!

Sometimes you have to do this to get the message across, Monday this week dd1 and 2(16+12) had trashed the sitting room and all requests to tidy up were being ignored so I very calmly sat down on the sofa, announced I wasn't even thinking about sorting until it was tidied up and started reading a book.

It took a couple of hours but it worked and dd1 helped cook tea without any of her usual whinging.

I've always found that calmly stating what is or isn't going to happen works better than shouting(there's been plenty of that over the years!)

justilou - DONE!

Done what, so many options offered here