About wedding gift

[crispysausagerolls]

Hey everyone, DH and I would like people's thoughts on who is being unreasonable here (sorry, this isn't a CF wedding gift thread - I bloody love those!):

We got married in September, and a close friend of mine and her fiance came and bought us a generous gift worth approx 100£. They are getting married in July, one day after our baby's due date. We were invited, but as the wedding is several hours away we have had to decline (discussed with friend and length and we both thought it best as we don't know what situation will be so don't want to cancel last minute OR ruin her big day by going into labour there/miles from home).

Anyway, I still think we should get her a gift as we were invited, and they want cash as it's a cultural thing. I am seeing her this weekend but won't before wedding so wanted to give her 100£ in a nice card to open at the time of the wedding. DH is saying we should either transfer the cash nearer the time (I think he is hoping I will have the baby and forget about it) or not give anything. He also tried to play the "we are saving money card", but gave his close friend 150£ this week towards a 30th birthday present so I am not really buying this as an excuse. I think he just thinks it's my friend so doesn't matter!

What do you think?

Gosh you definitely need to give her a gift. I think send her a lovely card and cheque nearer the time. It doesn't need to be £100 If that is too much for you even if that's what she gave you.

YDNBU if you can afford the £100. Point out to your DH that you don’t need to pay for outfits/travel/drinks as you’re not going to the wedding. I’m often more generous with gifts if I can’t make a wedding of a close friend or relative for that reason.

If his friend gets £150 for a bday (oknit was a 30th but he has a bday every year) then £100 for your friend on her wedding day (life event) is completely fair!

I would go with your plan, give her the card with the cash gift/cheque for £100 when you see her this week. July's not far off now.

I think your DH values his friends more than he does yours? You've already saved money by not going to a wedding several hours away. If you want to give them a gift, money or otherwise, then you should. However, if she is a close friend she maybe won't be expecting you to match the value of her and her fiancé's gift when she knows you are having a baby.

Close friend? Give the money in a card, cheque or cash if you have a trusted friend to take it (more because I have friends that would forget and leave it in their bag).

'DH is saying we should either transfer the cash nearer the time (I think he is hoping I will have the baby and forget about it) or not give anything. He also tried to play the "we are saving money card", but gave his close friend 150£ this week towards a 30th birthday present so I am not really buying this as an excuse. I think he just thinks it's my friend so doesn't matter! '

He's got a helluva cheek! £150 towards a fucking birthday gift, then he wants to stiff your friend? Nope. I'd give her money in her card now.

YANBU wedding gifts arent to pay for attending the wedding they are a token of your support for the couple. If they are close friends who you care about then whether or not you attend the wedding its still the right thing to do to give them a gift if you can afford to.

Seeing as your DH could afford to find £150 for his friend I do not see why you cannot find £100 for yours.

£100 in a card, absolutely

He's got a helluva cheek! £150 towards a fucking birthday gift, then he wants to stiff your friend? Nope. I'd give her money in her card now.

That's exactly what I said!!

If his friend gets £150 for a bday (oknit was a 30th but he has a bday every year) then £100 for your friend on her wedding day (life event) is completely fair!

And this!

Point out to your DH that you don’t need to pay for outfits/travel/drinks as you’re not going to the wedding

And this!

I would send a cheque for £100, with card, to arrive a couple of days before the wedding.
I would have some sympathy with DH's point of view had he not recently splurged on a gift for his friend. That is not the actions of a man who wants to save money.

My reasoning for wanting to give cash on Saturday is that 1) she knows I have got her something - I don't want her to think I won't get her anything and 2) it's much easier for her, whereas a cheque she would have to go and cash and 3) I am a bit paranoid about posting money or cheques

I'd send a card and £100 cheque, they were very generous and would have spent additional money to attend your wedding, an expense you won't incur for obvious reasons. Your DH is tight when it comes to your friend but not his, funny that...

Why are you asking permission?

If it's your money then you can do what you want with it.

If you are going cap in hand asking your husband to stump up then it's up to him.

truckdrive

I am not asking permission - we have joint finances and therefore we discuss what we will do with our money for items such as gifts. E.g he asked me if I was fine with the 150£ he gave to his friend. I can just go and get out the 100£ but I would rather he be on board than not (he's the one who suggested asking AIBU because he was sure he was not and people would back him up).