To think you dont ask a stranger how their kid died?

[hidinginthenightgarden]

A friend of mine had a stillborn baby about 6 years ago. They have gone on to have 2 more kids and have recently started talking to them about the baby they lost.
We were out in a soft play centre today when a lady who had been interacting with her eldest child came over to speak to my friend. She firstly commented on how polite and chatty he was and then mentioned that he had told her about his sibling that lived in the clouds. Her actual words were "He was telling me about his brother in the shy, what happened?"

Is it just me or is this unbelievably insensitive and rude? We all just sat their gobsmacked as my friend replied "stillborn". I am still in awe at the lack of common sense or decency shown.

AugustRose that's horrific . It's pretty depressing to think that someone that insensitive AND that stupid is evidently raising children.

I had a stillborn baby when I was nearly full-term, I would be happy to talk to anybody who asked about it and I wouldn't be offended. People don't talk about still-birth and miscarriages enough. Even some of my own family still get uncomfortable about it, I don't because I want my son to be remembered and not hushed up.

AugustRose

That's awful, what a horrible person she is.

Nosy, rude and insensitive. Some people are just arses.

That way they did it? That was awful and nosiness, just plain nosiness. No empathy there at all. For shame! I agree that it’s so
Important to allow people
To talk and recognise that a dead child is still a couple’s child and enable them to talk about it, but this was awful. There are ways. This was not it. YANBU.

kittenbeast it’s the drama and gossipy Ooooooooh value of it that they are entertained by.

YANBU, I would never ask someone that.

I have done this before . When I was pregnant a work colleague was chatting to me and I was saying that I had a c section booked. She told me she had c section with her daughter. I asked her name and how old she was and she said ‘actually she died 5 years ago’. I was in complete awkward shock trying to say the right thing an just blurted out ‘oh goodness how awful, what happened?’ I still cringe thinking about it now. I certainly wouldn’t go searching someone out to get them to talk about it though!

I had a stillbirth following a cord prolapse. It still shocks me years later how nosey and insensitive people can be. When I was expecting the next baby, people would approach me when I was out shopping and loudly ask if I was trying for a girl this time (it was always people who know that our only daughter was the baby who died). Or they would ask detailed questions, or tell me how these things are just meant to be (this last one from a woman who was holding her newborn and healthy granddaughter). For a few months I just stopped leaving the house.
I've also had loads of quiet, genuine support and empathy though. Not everyone was an arse.