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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel sorry for the kids NOT the mother

54 replies

Gates · 30/05/2018 13:50

Ok so yes Im off work bored and alot of things on my mind so prob wouldnt usually post something like this but hear goes.

So my neighbour a single working mum of 2 had just posted a pic of herself in work, saying shes jealous of all mums who are getting to spend quality time with their children this holidays while hers are with child minder...ok so I get that and usually would sympathise.

However its only a couple of weeks ago she had 1 week off to spend some "quality child free time" with her boyfriend who having days out fancy lunches etc while her kids were in school. Not to mention her girly holiday a while back where she had time off work.

So is it just me that has no sypathy surely if she was so botherd she would book time off to spend with the kids?

Feel sorry for them they are very rarely at home either with dad, grandparents or child minders/school.

I know its none of my business and I know they are well looked after physically but surely need some time with their mummy other than rushing them on the school run, collecting them from minder etc.

Mind boggles

OP posts:
Lethaldrizzle · 30/05/2018 14:53

All true but sad faces on social media are a bit much. Just get on with it

Pengggwn · 30/05/2018 15:03

To be honest, OP, the pity party doesn't change the fact that you did seem to be single mum bashing, and it wasn't very nice.

Original poster
Gates · 30/05/2018 15:05

Well why would I bash a single mum, I was brought up by ine and have been one myself.

OP posts:
Pengggwn · 30/05/2018 15:09

Not a clue why.

ohreallyohreallyoh · 30/05/2018 15:12

Then you should know better. Thousands of mum’s are at work today whilst their children are in childcare. You wouldn’t have said a thing if she had had a few days holiday with a husband whilst the children were with grandparents. So what is it if not single mum bashing?

Myotherusernameisbest · 30/05/2018 15:24

I am a single mum working FT and I think you are being a bit harsh tbh. I am unable to get time off over this holidays. I have to work to pay the bills and rent, exh provides no financial support and is out of the picture. I do not have a 'career'. I simply work for a slightly less than average wage in order to live.

When I am not working I am with them ALL the time and am solely responsible for them ALL the time. I did go on a long weekend away with an old friend recently without my children and it was absolutely amazing to have some time for just me which I never, ever get. It meant taking 2 days of my annual holiday.

So before judging her for not taking her entire annual quota of leave during school holidays, just think that perhaps she is allowed a couple of days for just her as she has no partner to pick up the slack, ever. No one to discuss things with or bounce decisions off. It can get quite emotionally and physically draining being a single parent.

The rest of my annual leave is booked during school holidays, but it still means i'll be working alot of the holidays because, well, i'm not a teacher so don't get that amount of time off. And I'll spend it feeling guilty no doubt because I know people like you will be judging me saying things like, 'well she did go on that weekend away without her kids earlier in the year. Thats really selfish.'

MrsWhirly · 30/05/2018 15:26

How do you feel when you can’t get time off during school hols?

Original poster
Gates · 30/05/2018 15:31

Well I would like to appologise again for any offence ive caused was not my intention at all.

I fully understand everyones lifestyles are different

OP posts:
Original poster
Gates · 30/05/2018 15:32

I work in a school doing support so I dont have that problem fortunately.

In all honesty the day ive had Id love a child minder 😊

OP posts:
ohreallyohreallyoh · 30/05/2018 15:39

I fully understand everyones lifestyles are different

And yet you don’t understand that people make decisions based on a whole host of things you, as a casual observer, couldn’t possibly be party to. And then you judge.

You keep apologising and then you continue.

Pengggwn · 30/05/2018 15:42

I fully understand everyones lifestyles are different

Anyone who really understood that wouldn't have posted this to start with. But okay, assuming you understand you were judgemental, you can probably let this go now.

Lethaldrizzle · 30/05/2018 15:44

I didn't read it as single mum bashing

Jenna43 · 30/05/2018 15:50

Yeah she's looking for attention. To all the 'offended' people...the same would apply to any parent, single or otherwise, who put a photo of their 'sad face' all over Facebrag just because they couldn't get to 'make memories' for a few days.

Jenna43 · 30/05/2018 15:51

I didn't read it as single mum bashing

Nope me either.

MissVanjie · 30/05/2018 15:54

‘Make memories’ is in quote marks, so it must be a quote? Which post is it a quote from please?

MissVanjie · 30/05/2018 15:56

When people post stuff on fb that irks me, i just hide them or unfriend them and think no more about it. I guess there’s more than one way to be an attention seekig moaner on the internet :)

Strumpetpumpet · 30/05/2018 15:56

I’m with you OP, and no I didn’t read your post as “single Mum bashing” either. Attention-seeking on FB really pisses me off too.

Myotherusernameisbest · 30/05/2018 15:57

I work in a school doing support so I dont have that problem fortunately.

Lucky you. But this means you have no idea then how it feels to have to work during the school holidays. There are very few working mums who get to spend every school holiday with their children. They have to choose because believe it or not most jobs do not allow that much annual leave. And actually many don't get to choose either, its on a rota or first come first served basis.

AlfredDaButtler · 30/05/2018 15:59

I didn't read it as single mum bashing either. None of the working parents I know have managed to have a weeks AL to themselves because they have to save it all to cover as much of the school holidays as they can - single or in a couple. Yes, a rota might be in play which meant she couldn't get the leave for this half term, but there's still 6 weeks of summer coming up, October, Christmas etc.

ohreallyohreallyoh · 30/05/2018 15:59

the same would apply to any parent, single or otherwise, who put a photo of their 'sad face' all over Facebrag just because they couldn't get to 'make memories' for a few days

That’s not true, is it? Her original post was based on feeling sorry for children in the care of a childminder, focusing on this woman’s single parent status, and being annoyed that she dared have a life that didn’t involve her children. If it was the same for everyone, there would have been no need to mention she was a single parent or tell us she had had a holiday with a partner.

Original poster
Gates · 30/05/2018 16:03

Well im not going to keep appologising for any offence ive caused so this is the last time. I was nieve enough to post something like this for the first time without thinking. I was just so bemused by the sad face more than anything.

Id like to put an end to it now. Didnt join here for arguing.

Will try to avoid anymore judgey posts ☺

OP posts:
Jenna43 · 30/05/2018 16:06

Gates

No matter what you posted about, some people on AIBU will always be offended.

Myotherusernameisbest · 30/05/2018 16:09

I wasn't offended. But I don't think you come across as a very nice person here.

Puttingthefootdown · 30/05/2018 16:12

I can literally never get school holidays off and yes it absolutey sucks. But that doesn't mean I don't deserve down time.

Believe me I make sure my kidsget quality time.

Maryann1975 · 30/05/2018 16:24

Op, I get what you mean. I know someone who moans on fb a lot about having to work through the school holidays and about how much she would love to be able to pick her children up from school sometimes. Then even when she does have holidays, the children are in childcare because she is paying for it, so might as well use it Confused I don’t get it either.

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