To be annoyed with the denial then the abuse.

[nced]

So I have been in a very rough marriage for 25 years. And I have come through it and things have changed for the better. Although I don't recommend staying in an abusive marriage. I did because I didn't feel like I had an option.

My problem is DH is in complete denial that there was any abuse, for example he used to take the electric key out so that I would not have use of the tv. Someone else did this recently and he was disgusted- when I pointed out he used to do it and it is very hurtful and upsetting he denied it.

My SIL has witnessed this and used to always side with him but would behind his back tell me that he is unreasonable and that I should just bear with it.

NOW when 'blah blah' leaves her husband because he controls all the money and doesn't give her any. They both just ignore the fact that the same used to happen to me!

Or when another 'blah blah' phones to complain her husband is yet again away while she is home with 3 under 5s. They are livid. But the same happened to me.

I suppose I should be grateful that they have evolved and become better people. I just can't let go of it.

This is just another manifestation of his abuse, it's not gone away, just changed. To be honest it will probably change again, take on new forms, it's what abusers do.

He's just changing the patterns of abuse. Can you leave?

I suppose I should be grateful that they have evolved and become better people. I just can't let go of it.

They haven't evolved to be better people, they just like to pretend they're better than they actually are. My dad is the same. You should try and stay away from them tbh

Sounds like gaslighting tbh. Denial of wrongdoing to make you question yourself is just another form of abuse

Thank you so much for the replies.

@Greyponcho Sometimes I do feel like I made it all up. It's only when other people point it out do I remember that it did actually happen

And how are they being better people right now by completely ignoring the abuse u suffered and pretend it never happened but ure happy to stay so that's ure decision but if he can't admit was he's done wrong the ure losing every time as he knows full we what he's done wrong his sister stood back and said nothing yeah real gd people they are

It’s true that they he has evolved, but certainly not for the better. This IS STILL ABUSE.

Her, OTOH is just keeping shush for habit/convenience/false sense of how little wifey should be compliant...
Please, read some previous threads about gaslighting to get some advice on where to get help, you deserve better