Am I being stubborn or genuinely not interested?

[Reecex]

I've posted something very similar to this in the past, actually wasn't that long ago but things haven't really gotten any better.
My lb is 14wks old, we had a traumatic experience at birth and he almost died which led to him being in NICU for 2 weeks, myself having a little PND and if I'm honest I didn't actually bond with my son until be was maybe 8 weeks old.
I've just moved into a small flat away from my family with my bf and my son and it has been stressful on us all trying to get used to each other etc. I should say that myself and my bf weren't together long before I got pregnant which was a massive shock to us both (I've been his friend for 10 years). As you can imagine a new baby, moving home, moving in with a man (sob sob) and dealing with PND and trying to get over what happened to us has been very difficult on all of us.
My problem is, I have no sex drive at all, I know this is probably down to my hormone levels etc, possibly a little left over from PND (btw I and my little family are so much better now) and just sheer tiredness. I've explained this to my bf numerous times and asked him to stop annoying me for sex almost every night. It's getting exhausting but now I don't know if I'm just getting turned off cos he pesters or asks and if and when I say no he goes in a little boy huff. I think he takes it personally but I keep telling him not to.
I feel like I might be slightly stubborn, there's been a few times I've wanted to have sex but before I can initiate anything he does and I get really annoyed and I don't know why!!! 9 times out of 10 I don't want to but that 1 time I do want to I get really irritated and say no even if I meant yes!!!
Phhft, if anyone is interested in helping or giving advice or sharing their own thoughts on my possible stubbornness then please do!
No nastyness though, had enough of that on here and judgy judgy people. Don't bother commenting if you're gonna be rude.
Thank you xoxox

14 weeks after a traumatic brith and PND? Yeah if you understandably don’t fancy sex he needs to back the fuck off and stop asking!

14 week old baby and a traumatic delivery and start?? No wonder you aren’t interested in sex! It is totally totally normal, your body and mind are still recovering and you need love and support with no pressurizing to have sex.

YANBU!

Btw, is he affectionate etc when he isn't trying to initiate sex?

He sounds dreadful, how confident are you in a future with him? Pestering you for sec at this stage shows a complete lack of understanding on his part, which must either be down to ignorance or simply not caring.

Pleased for you that your ds is better and you are bonded etc.
14 weeks after any birth is nothing. And a grown up would know that. In fact a grown up would realise that if a woman says no, she means it. Do you need and want him in your life? Personally any man that sulks or tries to coerce a woman into sex that she doesn't want is repugnant and I could not be with him.

Your partner sounds horrible. What a fucking twat.

He sounds really really insensitive.

I read years ago.

Men need sex to feel loved and women need love to feel like sex. And not always, but I do feel that statement is somewhat true.

He needs to back off, build up true intimacy and love with you, and then sex might be on the table. By intimacy I mean thinks like-
Taking care of you and cooking for you, running you a bath, giving you a lie in. A cuddle or a kiss with no groping or other advances.

He does sound bad but ....
If there are times when you want it but his pestering has put you off you should discuss this with him. Tell him his few opportunities are being lost because of his attitude. Tell him you are stubborn. If he can't understand this and back off to allow you to come to him, as it were, then he's not worth the effort.

He loves me so much, he makes me food, brings me coffee in the morning (we both get up with our lb at 7.30) he rubs my feet and my back. Fair enough he doesn't do anything around the house other than dishes but he has came a long way from when we first moved in like he actually puts his dirty socks in the washing basket lol!
Anyway I do see a future with him I feel like I do need him and I love him.
We have spoken about it before and I've now spoke to him about it again not long after I read these comments.
I tried to tell him that my body has went through a lot, I don't look the same so I'm not body confident in the slightest, I'm tired, I'm only recently feeling better and confident with our lb etc etc and he said he knows that but he's frustrated and his body hasn't changed and I need to accept myself on how I look, feel bla bla to move forward with life.
He apologised again as I told him I shouldn't feel the need to have sex with him just so he feels better. Which isn't his intention to make me feel like that but sometimes it's how I feel.
He's obviously telling me he's not in a huff but he really is, he rolls over and just says "night" without any kiss or anything and I like cuddles at night but maybe I'm being too sensitive lol.
He wasn't happy when I told him if he pushes me I retreat further rather than move forward, I can't help it its just how I am but I'm hoping that he listens to me for the 3rd time and it sinks in.
I'm completely aware that he must be feeling it and he's quite a sensitive insecure guy so it's probably making him feel like I don't want him when it's not.. He's incredibly good looking imo haha and I try my best to reassure him but my God I would like to go to bed and know I can go to sleep without us having a mini row :(

he's frustrated and his body hasn't changed and I need to accept myself on how I look, feel bla bla to move forward with life. sorry op, he's an insensitive mardy man child. sex shouldn't be used as a bargaining chip, it should come from a place of mutual desire. And if he can't understand that, no amount of foot rubs is going to make it better.

Yep I get that, that comment irritated me and it sorta ended the conversation cos he obviously doesn't get it at all but I'm sorts hoping that he'll think about it when he is at work maybe or on the bus to work cos it is an insensitive comment, you're 100% correct with that.
It's quite draining trying to get him to understand, don't really know how I can get him to understand other than talking to him :(

Any advice on what I can do or say to help him understand? Also does anyone have any insights to when and of my sex drive will come back? It's also quite irritating that it's very low or is this normal for someone who's had a baby 14 weeks ago under horrific circumstances?

That is completely normal, especially after a traumatic birth! My DS is now 10 months and I would say my sex drive is only just back to 'normal', after a straightforward birth. That's if I am not too tired as DS does not feel the need to sleep.....

It's COMPLETELY NORMAL!!!

You are completely normal, and he is an immature, self-obsessed twat.

Well men are simple creatures, if he doesn't get it from you, he will go elsewhere.

Whatshallidonowpeople
Huge generalisation there!
Plenty of men aren't such "simple creatures" and tbh if this particular guy is and he does than at least op will know to bin him.

You and your sex drive are very normal.
He is being exceptionally dense to (a) think that you will spring back to normal within a few weeks of any sort of birth, let alone a difficult one and (b) not listen to what you are saying to him. God knows it would be perfectly reasonable to say sex is off the agenda completely at the moment but you've told him what you want (it to be instigated by you) and he's not listening? He's mad!

Maybe some counselling to help him listen when you tell him things.

He’s being passive aggressive and in many ways this is as bad as actual aggression. I had this with my ex. The constant sulking. It was awful. You shouldn’t be having sex because you feel guilty . I did it a lot and it’s only now years later I realise how damaging this was. He sounds very immature. The only way round it is to talk to
Him and for him to grow up. He will
I hope. Otherwise you need to put yourself and your physical and emotional autonomy first. You clearly love each other but that will be eroded if this carries on. YANBU.

I don't think he would go elsewhere. It's not like we aren't having sex at all just very rarely compared to before I had my lb. I would like to think that he wouldn't cheat on me but of course the thought has crossed my mind sadly and it's annoyed me my mind would go to that place but I suppose it can't be helped.
His pettiness regarding the whole issue is a problem for me, I feel like I need to have sex with him because of I don't we'll have a mini row and he'll go in a huff and I really can't be bothered with that. I told him all of this the other day and he was surprised I said it. Surprised that that's the way I have been feeling. Maybe because I put it like that he's started to realise what his pettiness has been doing and he's backed off for a while. My question is how long will it last before he starts again?