to be annoyed at DP paying for things out of our account without asking?

[LatoyaJones]

DP and I have separate accounts and one together that we use simply for bills and household stuff. We aren't married and have only been together 2 years so not quite ready for totally joint finances yet. The other day we went go-carting with my family and friends. We went to pay and he said 'I've paid already' - I thought it was a really lovely gesture and we all thanked him for spending the best part of £100 on us all. Thing is, he hadn't paid for it. He took it out of our joint account so essentially I paid £50 for my friends and family without being consulted as half the money in there is put in by me. Now don't get me wrong I am quite generous with money and would probably not have minded if we could afford it and I had agreed, but we can't, and I didn't. We have debts which we are trying to pay off, bills, mortgage, car repairs due, etc etc. We don't have much money and live on a fairly humble wage.

AIBU to be angry that he spent £100 of our money without consulting me first? He doesn't think it's an issue and keeps telling me I'm being silly and it was a nice gesture. Who's wrong here? (Can I just state that I ask him if I'm even going to buy something out of our joint account even if it's £20 as we don't have much money and it's common courtesy IMO)

He took the credit for paying for everyone, so he should pay for everyone! It's very simple and I can;t believe he''s trying to convince you that it's "silly". Maybe he'll think twice about showing off with your money next time if you nip it in the bud now.

It's not the cash - it's the attitude.

However it's a really useful insight this has given you, OP.

Don't forget it (and don't make plans to take the relationship forward to anything more committed any. time. soon.)

Exactly @FizzyGreenWater ! I'm going to put less in the account next month and he will just have to deal with it.

He owes you £50, an apology and a serious discussion about how joint finances are used IMO.

Instead of owing her 50, I'd say he owes the joint account 100!

Use are in debt but pay for everyone when use went out what part of that do u think that sounds ok and ure moaning aboit it coming out joint account Tell ure partner no more doing that there's no need when it could go to your debt

Nb65988

She didn't think it sounded okay.

YANBU. I would be furious.

When DP pays for his petrol out of our joint account, I insist that he pays money in to cover it. We agreed to cover our own car costs ourselves when we set up the joint account!

Where did the debt come from - is it his or yours? This sounds like the action of someone for whom money will always burn in his pocket - if he has it, he will spend it.

I'm similar and the only way we built up financial resources was for me not to have access to the savings account Not too much extra work for Dh I hope as it was just a direct debit into savings, but that's what it took.

I agree about either stopping the joint account or timing the bills so the money is hardky ever in there.

OP, I am totally with you. I'd be pretty annoyed if DP did this. I already get annoyed with him wasting £100s on the bloody fruit machines, and its his own money he's spending!

I also agree with PPs that you shouldn't let him get away with it. Pay in less next month :)

Say he's obviously used the wrong card by accident and will he transfer the full amount from his own account asap...ideally pick a time when he's online and can do it straight away.

I'd be annoyed but I think I'd share the hit this once. I wouldn't have let my partner, with whom I don't share money, pay for my whole family and friends without objecting at the time and offering to go halfs.

So its a lovely gesture if he's paying … but if you're paying it's a cheek? Oh the irony.

That's not ironic at all. It's a lovely gesture if he pays for everyone as a treat it's completely different to force someone to treat everyone without even consulting them.