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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Asked to breastfeed in a more discreet place

88 replies

Babynonamee · 29/05/2018 16:57

I'm fairly sure I'm not being unreasonable but I'd be interested to know what other people think.

Today I went to a local swimming centre. My DH and DS1 were swimming and I was watching them from a bench (newborn was in the carseat and not swimming but just 'watching')

I was in a one piece swimming costume.

Newborn started crying as he was hungry, so I took him out his car seat, covered us both with a towel and cracked on with breastfeeding him.

I was not breastfeeding in the water I would think this perhaps would be inappropriate! But I was simply feeding on a bench next to the poolside.

Perhaps the fact I was in a swim suit made breastfeeding in public offensive?

The outcome was actually I pointed out I was fully covered. The life guard spoke with someone who looked like a manager, who appeared from a distance to dismiss the situation and nothing more was said. Baby stopped feeding at this point and so I put him back in the car seat.

OP posts:

Mabeldidit · 29/05/2018 18:54

to the op not to the person I quoted whom I agree with.

Harebellmeadow · 29/05/2018 19:03

I can’t believe this still happens?

At a swimming pool there is enough boobage on show in swimsuits and bikinis (and moobs) that an extra centimeter or two can barely be recognised.
Glad that you were able to ignore the lifeguard and it seems he was thankfully overruled.

It’s sick that it’s ok to have silicon breasts on show in teeny bikinis but don’t dare use breasts for their original purpose - no, theory are purely decorational and preferably pleasing to men.

speakout · 29/05/2018 19:04

If this was Scotland the life guard could be arrested.

It is a criminal matter to prevent a woman breastfeeding.

Harebellmeadow · 29/05/2018 19:05

Possibly write a nice bright letter to the manager to make sure that staff are trained and it doesn’t happen again to another mother, possibly one who is eg very nervous or very self-conscious, and would be put off breastfeeding entirely.

CandiedPeach · 29/05/2018 19:09

Did he think it was because poolsides are usually no eating or drinking? I once had this with a new life guard who said “I don’t think you can do that here” and pointed to the signs. Dd was tiny and I was honestly a bit stunned and struggling with what to say, when a very lovely grandma watching her Dgc said “don’t be so stupid that doesn’t apply to babies”. He apologised and rushed off.

CakeWars · 29/05/2018 19:11

Definitely complain. That’s not on at all.

Fwiw I don’t really get why feeding sitting on the edge of the pool is a problem either. I’ve seen mums doing it a few times and never even thought about it being a problem for anyone.

Laiste · 29/05/2018 19:15

Yeah, YANBU to write to customer services. They need to make their staff aware of the regulations around things like this BEFORE letting them lose on the public. The life gaurd's ignorance is the pool's fault.

Grandmaswagsbag · 29/05/2018 19:15

Hilarious. Have they seen what some people wear the the pool? It’s good that the manager seemed to know that they had no right to ask you move though.

SatHereShaving · 29/05/2018 19:19

It matters not if you were covered up or not.

I wouldn't have even responded to the life guard that I was covered up. I would simply respond with "I can breastfeed here, however I choose, by law. There's no health and safety issue, is there?"

AllMYSmellySocks · 29/05/2018 19:21

I don't get how you were in a swimsuit if the baby was just watching from a car seat? Surely the baby wasn't left alone while all 3 of you were in the pool?

Couldn't she be swapping with her DH so they could all swim?

headinhands · 29/05/2018 19:23

Omg it was dealt with. Move on!

Would you say this if an official at a polling station queried the presence of a woman queuing to vote? You'd tell the woman to 'move on' when the official was put right by a senior member of staff?

RideOn · 29/05/2018 19:25

Yanbu but sounds like the manager put lifeguard right.

In a ‘parent and babies’ group one of the mums asked me to go to the toilet to breastfeed my 3 month old. I checked with the group leader that this wasn’t encouraged on the way out (it wasn’t) but I never went back.

I know it sounds pathetic but just made me think what kind of people think you feed anyone in a toilet? Especially a baby! Gross.

I’m over it now and in the same situation would politely say something to that mum now.

It’s fine to feed a baby next to a pool in a viewing area situation.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 29/05/2018 19:27

Depends on the way it was said and the words used tbh. Was he telling you to move somewhere more discreet or asking (albeit somewhat clumsily) if you would like to go to somewhere more discreet.

BigPinkBall · 29/05/2018 19:30

I often sit poolside in a one piece swimming costume and breastfeed, and I don’t cover up with a towel, dd screams if I try to change her before feeding once we’ve got out of the pool, and no one has ever said a thing to me.

The fact is it is against the equality act to harass a breastfeeding woman so he should never have asked you to move in the first place. However you could suggest to the management that for a couple of free passes to the pool you’d be willing to forget the whole thing

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 29/05/2018 19:34

Christ, it's hardly the same thing as being questioned on your right to vote. No one 'prevented the OP from breastfeeding' and if Scottish police would seriously arrest the lifeguard then they have way too much time on their hands.
Lifeguard was wrong, manager put him right. Job done. I'd leave it be.

whathaveiforgottentoday · 29/05/2018 19:34

You could send them a quick email thanking the manager for doing the right thing and correcting the junior member of staff.
That way you have a win win in that the manager get praised but it also highlights the need for the junior staff to not make the mistake again. Makes your point in positive manner.

cherish123 · 29/05/2018 19:37

I would not complain. You could get him into trouble. He maybe wasn't aware of procedure. I was once shouted at by a lifeguard for sitting in the spectator area (which is for spectating) and there was a party on there. I thought about complaining but didn't in case he got into massive trouble.

SickofPeterRabbit · 29/05/2018 19:43

If this was Scotland the life guard could be arrested.
It is a criminal matter to prevent a woman breastfeeding

Oh for goodness sake! 🙄

notacooldad · 29/05/2018 19:44

I'm not sure what your problem is.
You breast fed your child at the swimming pool which is fine.
You were asked not to by someone who clearly wasn't up to speed with the law.
He was corrected and everything was fine.

There isn't an issue.
If they insisted that you move I would have your back but this is a minor misunderstanding that was corrected.

You are making a mountain out of a molehill.

Iggi999 · 29/05/2018 19:46

We don't know that the lifeguard was "put right" about the law. The manager may just have said not to bother about it, that's not the same as him learning that he was wrong to ask. Women can be very easily put off bf in public by negative comments - and that may in turn prevent them bfing at all for as long as they'd planne to.

Iggi999 · 29/05/2018 19:48

In Scotland breastfeeding is protected by the Breastfeeding etc. (Scotland) Act 2005 under which it is an offence to stop someone in a public place from feeding their child, if under two, with milk. The legislation allows for fines for preventing breastfeeding in public places

ErrolTheDragon · 29/05/2018 19:52

You could send them a quick email thanking the manager for doing the right thing and correcting the junior member of staff. That way you have a win win in that the manager get praised but it also highlights the need for the junior staff to not make the mistake again. Makes your point in positive manner.*

This, but include a suggestion that perhaps staff might benefit from specific advice on the law re breastfeeding. After all, pools are commonly frequented by mothers with their children so it's probably not that unusual a situation.

SquishySquirmy · 29/05/2018 19:52

YANBU.
I think your update makes it worse.

I assumed initially that the manager saw the lifeguard speaking to you, so came over and put him right. (eg "dealt with it" as pps have said).

But actually, you don't know what was said by the manager to the lifeguard, and pp's on the thread are in even less of a position to know! We don't know how that conversation went.
So assuming that the manager had words with the life guard and set him straight on the rights of breastfeeding women is a big assumption.

I think that it would be perfectly reasonable to write to the leisure center, and I think that staff should be trained better.

There is nothing wrong or disgusting about feeding by the side of the pool, and you know that. But what if the next woman the life guard admonishes is less confident/ sure of herself? This kind of shit is exactly the kind of thing that discourages many new mothers from breastfeeding in public and its wrong.

notacooldad · 29/05/2018 19:54

Those banging on about Scottish Law. It sounds like the lifeguard DIDNT stop her from breast feeding but asked her to move somewhere discrete. Absolutely not right but there is a big difference in law. He wasn't preventing her feeding her child.

headinhands · 29/05/2018 19:55

Lifeguard was wrong, manager put him right. Job done. I'd leave it be.

In 2018 though? If the lifeguard got to that point and thought it was appropriate to encourage a breastfeeding mum to move elsewhere then he's been let down by society.

My analogy stands. 'Someone thinking someone is doing something unacceptable'.

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