Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

AIBU to be OK with the status quo?

40 replies

ThatSortOfThing · 29/05/2018 16:23

Divorced when DD was little. Married DH when DD was 17.

DD and DH got to know each other pretty well as they lived together for a few years, never really bonded but were always nice to each other. When DD got pregnant she moved out (single mum - no dad involved) and she and DH never talked again.

DD's baby is now two years old. DH has never met her as DD never invited him and he never asked.

I babysit DGD every weekend at DD's house. DD prefers this as she doesn't like the idea of me taking DGD home.

DH is a bit miffed because he sees very little of me at weekends, but he doesn't like the idea of me bringing DGD home either because DD obviously isn't keen on it and he likes his peace and quiet.

I feel this situation isn't ideal. I used to love staying with my grandparents and I'd love us to be proper grandparents together and give DGD the experience of staying with us. But AIBU to stick with the status quo for the sake of DD and DH who obviously don't want to know?

OP posts:

Original poster

ThatSortOfThing · 29/05/2018 18:57

All right, all right...I go to DD's Saturday morning till Sunday evening so she can work. DH and I work Monday to Friday. We don't really do family get togethers like birthdays and things.

OP posts:

lifechangesforever · 29/05/2018 18:57

You're not answering the question of why you need to babysit every single weekend and where your DD is during this time and for how long.

I would be concerned that there's something more sinister between the 2 that makes her not want her DD in your house to be honest.

My parents split at 16 and my mum met her partner when I was around 19/20 (I'm 29 now) - we've never lived together but he's my mum's significant other and considered as family and will pay a role in DD's life when she arrives, even if he's not her 'grandad'.

lifechangesforever · 29/05/2018 18:58

X-post.

Your daughter needs to sort out different workload or childcare arrangements, that is completely unfair on you and your DH. You're effectively working 7 days a week.

Tiggerzz · 29/05/2018 19:02

I think it's strange that DD is so against her baby going to your house, which is also your DH's. Is something sinister going on?

DizzyDonkey · 29/05/2018 19:08

Is the baby your DHs by chance? That was my first thought

SevenStones · 29/05/2018 19:10

What does it matter what your DD thinks of the home you and your DP have together? Her home is where she lives.

This sounds a bit of a cheek on her part expecting you to spend Sat - Sun at her place babysitting because she doesn't view your house as home. She needs to sort that out. It's bizarre.

There is either some sinister history between DP and DD, or she is being selfish and rather entitled.

If you are fed up babysitting for such a long period tell her, and suggest to her that you can babysit on a (for instance) Saturday night until she gets home, or some other shorter period of time.

MrsTerryPratchett · 29/05/2018 19:10

If I were a professional working with your family, I would be concerned that your DD's refusal was based on an important reason and your 'don't ask don't tell' was because you were in denial.

Any concerns about DH's behaviour?

Original poster

ThatSortOfThing · 29/05/2018 19:11

Dizzy lol What? We know very well who the father is...and it certainly isn't DH

OP posts:

BackforGood · 29/05/2018 19:13

Well, with that extra information, then I think most people would agree that your dh has a point.

SevenStones · 29/05/2018 19:14

DH is a bit miffed because he sees very little of me at weekends, but he doesn't like the idea of me bringing DGD home either because DD obviously isn't keen on it and he likes his peace and quiet.

Rereading this bit makes me wonder about what another poster said about DGD being your husband's child.

DD: "Never have DGD in your house with you or I'm telling DM that you're the father".

Sorry, OP, but the whole thing sounds incredibly odd.

BrieAndChilli · 29/05/2018 19:16

MIL house (with her new partner) was never DHs Home as she moved into it when he was at uni. Doesn’t mean that he never goes there, and refuses to let MiL take the kids there/have them to stay as it was never his home!! What a riducilous notion, people move house all the time away from the house they raised thier kids in!!!

HellenaHandbasket · 29/05/2018 19:27

She's taking the piss.

DevonshireCreamTea · 29/05/2018 20:06

This is really weird and odd sorry to say OP.
She never invited him to meet your DGD? Why would he have needed an invite surely he would have just gone with you when you first met her? He is your husband not some random man. Something seems off about the situation sorry to say. Why don't they want to spend anytime together AT ALL ?

SymphonyofShadows · 29/05/2018 20:13

She's hardly very independent if she relies on her mother for childcare. She sounds like a bit of an entitled brat actually. Is she getting financial support from the father? If not, why not? She chose to have the baby, did you get any choice about being expected to look after it every weekend?

RedSkyAtNight · 29/05/2018 20:19

I don't think it's very fair on you at all that you work all week and then babysit all weekend. I would be telling DD that you either cut back on childcare or it's on your terms (which I would suggest is at your house at least part of the time). I can see why DH is miffed - you never get a weekend together!!

My parents have moved 8 times since I was 18 - I've never lived in any of these houses, but I will happily come and visit and my DC sometimes stay overnight!

Flip

1 2