AIBU to ask for contract on behalf of father (family Loan)

[Pereie]

I will try my best not to drip feed, but it's a bit of a long winded story.

I have recently discovered that my Sister has borrowed 10k from our father. Our mother died a couple of months ago and this loan was given a few days after we buried her. Sister was 'looking after' father in the weeks after mother died. Really she was plying a recovering alcoholic with wine. Which raised massive concerns with me at the time. One of our siblings knew about the loan as it was used to pay off a debt to him (sister borrowed from dad to pay brother) but the rest of us were kept in the dark.

Now, I discovered that this loan happened about a week ago. This loan equates to half of my fathers total savings (no assets etc) so he is really in no great financial position. Sister is on benefits and has no 'income' to speak of. Though as I understand she does get a reasonable amount of benefits.

I brought up my concerns with our other siblings and half of us are very concerned and the other half are very angry that concerns have been raised. We are concerned that our father

1 - now does not have enough savings to see him through,
2 - no contract or payment plan has been put in place to repay the loan, 3 - he is now back to drinking 3 bottles of wine a day,
4 - he was asked to lend this money at a very vulnerable time as cant remember taking the money out of the bank to giver her and is worried and confused about the whole thing,
5 - if father dies the debt will be written off and the rest of us will be left to shoulder the costs of funeral etc.

Sister is now furious that we have been discussing this. We have called a family meeting to discuss this matter as I want a contract put in place to make the loan official and protect my father. Not pleasant amongst family but sensible IMO. I am the blacksheep of the family and often seen as the trouble maker so I am worried that I will be turned against if I push for the contract/payment plan. The loan was given months ago and no payments have been made thus far.

ATM all siblings are taking turns at caring for father as he is elderly and needs medical care, changing etc, so I think looking after his finances is part of the package but I have been told more than once that it is none of my buisness.

So, AIBU to be worried about this loan? Should I butt out?

Advice please!!!

I think it’s too late to get a formal contract in place now.

Who ultimately has control of your father’s finances? Who is telling you it’s none of your business? If the answer to both questions is your father, then yes you need to butt out.

Father asked for help as he is now worried about it / wasnt fully aware what was going on.

Sister and brother who received the loan are telling me it's none of our (other siblings) buisness.

Is it too long after the loan was given to put the contract in place?

Father has control over his own finances, but is not in a place where he is capable of looking after himself.

Mother cared for him before she died.

Of course it is your business. First of all, if he needs residential care etc any substantial sums leaving his account in the last 7 years need to be explained in order to ascertain whether he is self-funding or not (deprivation of assets). Any more than £14,250 in assets requires at the least a contribution. Your sister will be accountable for that sum. Secondly, when he dies, a loan from that estate should be repaid to it, but this can be hard to prove without paperwork. So you do need an agreement in writing. Or your father can add a provision in his will that the loan should be repaid on his death.
How many are you? It is certainly an awkward business and reprehensible behaviour on the part of your sister and brother who have benefitted, I feel.

If your dad has asked for your help and it's the fraudsters who are telling you to butt out, then do the exact opposite.

I'd be telling them that unless there is a payment plan drawn up then you'll be getting in touch with Age Concern and if necessary the police to report potential fraud and elder abuse. And also his GP to report the alcohol issues and your sister's part in that.

Your sister is a disgrace.

Forget having a good relationship with them after this anyway.

And get POA for your dad and ask him whether they have tried to to influence any will.

Thanks @Twillow,

Never realised that about residential care or about specific arrangements in the will. But surly the debt is hard to prove without the paperwork.

There is 8 of us, 3 concerned, 3 angry and 2 on the fence so it's really dividing everyone.