To think a dad should want to take his kids out?

[Torple]

Recently called off split with DH as we were going through a whole load of stuff, but we sorted it.
Everything we had to sort out is definitely improving, apart from one thing.
We have two DCs, 9 and 4. Something that came up during our negotiations is that he doesn’t spend any time with them. He works shifts so is often out of the house when they’re in it, said it was something he’s working on.
I take them everywhere, birthday parties, the cinema, play dates, the park etc - if he’s off, he usually says “You go, I’ll stay here.” Not worth the argument mostly so I do.
He’s off today, and I’m not feeling great so I vaguely suggested he took them out and I might, shock, horror, do some ironing in front of the Sky box.
I have already cleaned the bathroom and kitchen this morning, and run an errand for a friend, but you would think I’d spent the day at a spa for the amount of fussI’ve had.
He said “I want family time.” We spent the entire weekend together as a family, bar the 2hrs I spent at a toddler’s birthday party.
He’s back at work tomorrow, I’m a teacher, so literally every day I have off I spend with my kids. He has days off in the week, goes fishing or plays golf, sometimes goes to lunch with his mum etc.
He’s spent the last two hours complaining about going out, and told the kids “Your mum wants us out of the house so she can sit in front of the telly.”
I have tried to eat a sandwich and been bombarded with questions, the 4 year old bumped into me and knocked my drink flying because apparently “he’s bored waiting for you.”
They have just left under protest, 9 year old in tears because she just wants to sit and read a book and the 4 year old wants to know why mummy doesn’t like going out with them any more.

AIBU to think that wanting a few hours to yourself occasionally isn’t a big deal? Normally, I demand to go to Tesco’s on my own just for a bit of space, but I don’t need any shopping and have no money.

I think he’s taken them to the zoo. We’ve been eight times this year (we’re members). He’s never been.

I don’t know how to approach it without it looking like I’m nagging.

I think him telling the children he is taking them out so you can sit in front of the TV (I'm assuming not tongue in cheek and anyway not sure a 9/4 yr old would get the joke) and upsetting them both is utterly disgraceful.

If you really want to work things out with him I would suggest the following

1. When he goes to his mum, he should take them with him. I'm sure his mum would love to see him, he would get some help with them and you get some time to yourself
2. When it come to parties, one of you can do the drop off and one the pick up

I think sometimes you need to define these things clearly. It's good he wants to spend time all together so at least you've managed to get that bit sorted! Now you need to move on to getting some time to yourself too!

Bloody hell I'd be fuming mainly about what he said to the kids. It sounds like he's got very used to you doing everything for the kids while he relaxes and he isn't happy about that changing. If you're really going to make a go of the marriage I do think you need to agree on him spending time with you all as a family and you having some time to yourself. I would make it specific too, not just vague promised to "work on it".

Of course you need a break. He does so why shouldn't you?

My DP is like this, drives me absolutely mental. No advice but solidarity

Tell him about the breaks you'll get if you split and he has them on his days off. He sounds very selfish.