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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be frustrated at some of the older generation

40 replies

Washpot · 29/05/2018 13:31

This happened a few days ago but things keep sparking it back up again in my mind.

After a hectic morning dropping my dh at work (due to his car being in for an MOT) then doing the school run, then getting to a doctors appointment all by 9:30 am and a total of around 20 miles drive, an older man (80+) stopped me and complained that I should be walking and not taking up a parking space at the surgery and continued to rant about my generation and laziness. Half way through his rant, I stopped him and explained my morning to him (quite abruptly - perhaps I shouldn't have) then got in the car and drove off. Since then I've noticed comments about mothers not walking children to school and on local FB pages people commenting on the parking situation at the local school (which actually is a problem) but again blaming lazy parents. Looking at the comments, they're all from people who appear to be retired.

Can some older people not just understand that life is different now and pressures are different. I hate feeling judged and thought of as lazy but there's no way I could walk my DD to school every day (we do some days but it's a 4 Mile round trip)

I know not all older people think like this and I'm by no means ageist but there are a handful who seem to think we need to live like they did. Im not saying things are harder either, just different and perhaps it wouldn't hurt for them to have a little understanding.

OP posts:
FASH84 · 29/05/2018 13:53

I understand your situation but I see parents blocking the roads around our local primary school and then standing around chatting until well after the kids have gone in, the local Starbucks carpark then fills up, they are clearly not in a rush and could walk kids to school.

FASH84 · 29/05/2018 13:54

I'm 33 btw not an OAP but just as he shouldn't judge you you shouldn't make sweeping statements about older people either

FASH84 · 29/05/2018 13:56

Also a 2 mile each way is 35-40 minutes walk max that's not that far if you're not in a rush to work etc. It's how far I walked to primary when I was little, you could always use a bike

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 29/05/2018 13:59

I'd have just told him to fuck off and mind his own business - he has no idea why a person might be driving to a doctor's surgery. Being old doesn't automatically lead to wisdom - ignorant young people just grow up into ignorant old ones!

Seemingly everyone has an opinion on what women should be doing. I bet you he wouldn't have spoken to a man like that.

AmazingPostVoices · 29/05/2018 13:59

I imagine by the time we are in our eighties the world will have changed enormously and we might find it confusing and baffling too.

You can’t lump all older people together though. My parents are in their seventies and have a pretty good understanding for what my life is like.

My PILs (who are younger) don’t really understand at all and are continually astounded by how we cope and the decisions we make.

Picklepickle123 · 29/05/2018 14:01

I think the assumption is that you are walking from home to school and back home, then the same in the afternoon. However lots of parents will be going to work after the school drop off and therefore it isn't feasible as they'll need to use the car to get to work. Similarly, they might drive from work to pick up their children from school, and therefore have time to chat and go to Starbucks.

SweetCheeks1980 · 29/05/2018 14:05

I think it's partly because there were far fewer cars on the road back in the 30s/40s/50s but people still travelled to school and work etc, although less women were working and a lot of people had jobs closer to their homes.
I guess a lot of the older generation just don't understand modern life.

Mind you, I'm 38 yet I have been known to giggle at the younger generation of mums with their fancy gadgets (the modern bottle for one) and apps that tell you when you need suncream.

Snape · 29/05/2018 14:06

Near where I live there is a doctors surgery straight across the road from the Primary School. There is a hardcore minority of parents who take up every space in the car park, even in ambulance only spaces just so they don't have to talk an extra two meters from the actual car park around the corner. It's ridiculous and dangerous and they don't give a crap, the doctors surgery have to BEG parents not to park on double yellow lines and block the doctors in.

So I can see why the old man got cross.

GettingAwayWithIt · 29/05/2018 14:07

It was none of the old man's business if you were parked in a legitimate space in the doctors surgery. He sounds like he was the sort of person who is angry at the world. You could live miles away from the surgery and the fact that you need an appointment there suggests that you might not be in 100% health to head out on a brisk walk.

School parking is a different question, I live near a school and pick up / drop off times are mental. Not only the sheer amount of traffic but the speed some parents drive down the street when there are infant and primary age children about. And the amount of people who could walk but don't!

TookyClothespin · 29/05/2018 14:26

When my eldest starts school in September we'll be driving every day, as it's an hour walk each way. The walking distance schools were our preferred ones, but the council decided to give us the furthest one away.
I always walk if I can. Not always possible.
Ignore the person criticising, he doesn't know your circumstances.

Carboholic · 29/05/2018 14:34

Seemingly everyone has an opinion on what women should be doing. I bet you he wouldn't have spoken to a man like that.

I think this is the main point. I didn't really appreciate it until I had a child, and every man whose only qualification is "my stay at home wife once raised two children" thought that I'm dying to get his opinion on my life.

CanOpenWormsAllOverThePlace · 29/05/2018 14:55

Other side of the coin is that young mums can be judgemental too. Last Saturday I went to a National Trust property alone. A car parked next to me in the car park with a Mum, Dad, child of about 4 and a baby. All very pleasant, remarked on the weather and how sensibly the car park was laid out. They ended up being behind me in the queue to show membership tickets, and followed me as I walked down the drive to the property.

Wenn I reached the facilities, I popped into the toilet to make sure I was comfy before I walked round the property. I used the disabled toilet as I have a bowel problem which means I often need access to water. It also means I take about 5 minutes minimum in the cubicle.

In this case the disabled toilet was also nominated for baby change use and when I came out, the same young couple were waiting to go in and change their baby's nappy, or because one of them has a similar issue to myself - I don't know which, but I didn't judge. I smiled at them and was very shocked to have my smile repaid with a glare, which was followed up by the Mum telling me I shouldn't be so lazy and should have used the ladies facilities round the corner, as it wouldn't have been much further to walk.

I told her that all disabilities were not visible, and she told me that I looked alright to her and that since I could obviously get in and out of a car seat and walk OK then I could sit on a normal toilet in the ladies and not be so selfish.

I walked away but my afternoon was not the happy, peaceful one I had envisaged.

Vitalogy · 29/05/2018 15:06

At least you explained your side of it. What was his reaction to that?

Kamma89 · 29/05/2018 18:29

Totally agree with @IWannaSeeHowItEnds He had no right and age is a rubbish excuse. Bizarre place to do it too, GP surgery. What if you were really sick!? Also, guarantee he would not have said anything to a MAN. Women are judged to a ridiculous degree for anything and everything!

VladmirsPoutine · 29/05/2018 19:26

I always wonder who all these old people are that seem to be waiting in supermarkets, surgeries, post-offices and apparently sometimes on random street corners waiting to pounce on an unsuspecting 20 to 30-something mother to unleash a diatribe about all that is wrong with modern day society Confused.

Echobelly · 29/05/2018 19:43

I've not experienced it directly, but I think one just has to let it wash over you and accept that some people can't appreciate certain ways things are different today, or they get the wrong impression.

I hate, really hate, being misunderstood by random people, even if I will never see them again, eg once when something fell out of my bag and someone accused me of being a litter bug though I have been known to chase after people who have deliberately dropped rubbish and hand it back to them! It is a horrible feeling, but you have to let it go.

Original poster
Washpot · 30/05/2018 09:17

@vita I didn't give him a chance to respond. I just got in the car.

I'm not making sweeping generalisations if you read my OP. I'm totally aware that are lots of lovely older people out there. I made the statement about this age group because when I've had connects or heard things out hasn't been from any other age group.

Vladimir - they do exist. I've experienced it more than once. Recently an older gentleman told my 18 month old that he was "taking rubbish" when he said "woof" at a passing dog. Apparently he should have used the word dog. He can. But just at that point he said woof instead. Who says that to a toddler???

I didn't park at the doctors for the school run, I went there after the school run for an appointment.

Also I know 4 numbers isn't huge. It does take longer than 35 minutes with my toddler and DD though and there 2 some serious hills. Just someone's I don't have that amount of time to do school drop off before I have to be wherever I'm supposed to be next. And on work days, there's no chance.

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Original poster
Washpot · 30/05/2018 09:18

So many typing/auto correct errors in that post - sorryConfused

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IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 30/05/2018 13:14

OP you don't have to justify why you were driving - it is absolutely your right to for whatever reason. Driving is a perfectly legal activity. Other people may well have opinions about it, but they have no right to foist them on you and if they do, they are fully deserving of a 'fuck off and myob' in response.

Urapprentice · 30/05/2018 15:17

FASH84

a 2 mile each way is 35-40 minutes walk max

My walk to work is 1.5 miles and takes me 25 minutes. So it would take me over an hour to walk 4 miles. Am I a really, really slow walker?! Shock

Racecardriver · 30/05/2018 15:19

Both my parents and my DHs parents (or their driver) drove children to school. They are all retired. I really don't think it is an age thing.

Lethaldrizzle · 30/05/2018 15:24

So one old man has rattled your cage on one busy morning? This is not about 'the older generation' - it's just your view on life - 'things are different now ' - what so you have to drive every where in a massive rush cos your busy? Eh? People have always had busy lives

mummymeister · 30/05/2018 15:25

I hate having to deal with old people in doctors surgeries because for some reason on the very rare occasions when I do go, one of them always says something that either winds me up or is just plain dreadful.

I have the flu jab with one of my dc's who is immunocompromised. every time we wait in the queue we are subjected to an absolute diatribe from a couple of old people about how neither of us should be having the jab as we were "taking it away from people who really needed it". every. single. year.

they have no idea what is going on in your life and really should keep comments like this to themselves. People, across all the generations have just become so incredibly judgey about stuff like this.

Original poster
Washpot · 30/05/2018 15:51

Lethal...I think you've missed the point. Yes, people have shears had busy lives... It's just different now. My point s that people shouldn't judge or choices without knowing facts and certainly shouldn't give lectures because they feel they 'did life' better than you.

Yes he rattled my cage but he's not the only one.

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Original poster
Washpot · 30/05/2018 15:52

And I totally agree with posters saying it would be different if I was a man.

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