2nd Baby or Weight Loss first

[pacempercutiens]

I had my DD in October, before pregnancy I was a size 18, now I'm down (from pregnancy size) to a size 20 - approx 1 and a half stone heavier than pre-pregnancy. Hovered around a size 18 for years - mostly due to lack of willpower/motivation to lose weight.

My DH and I would ideally (all things willing) like a 19 month age gap. (Already moved it from 18 month to 19 month age gap due to family wedding bang on an 18 month age gap birth window).

My DF thinks I should lose a lot of weight prior to any future pregnancy (he says i'll never lose it if I don't now, and also thinks all my hip problems - sciatica/spd - in my previous pregnancy wouldn't re-appear).

I think there are pros and cons to prioritising either trying for 2nd DC first or losing the weight first and don't know which to do.

WIBU to think I could lose a bit of weight before getting pregnant (would start TTC August-ish) and then lose the rest of the weight after the 2nd DC?

Lose the weight first. If you follow a plan like WW you can continue with it throughout your pregnancy which would be great in terms of avoiding a lot of weight gain in pregnancy.

You would certainly have time to lose a few pounds before August if that's when you were planning ttc anyway. But generally my view is that you shouldn't put your life on hold for weight loss, or put off ttc if that's what you want. You could now exercise and eat healthily on the basis that it's a good thing to do anyway and ttc at the same time and just see what happens.

I would only specifically put off ttc until you have lost weight if you had debilitating complications in your first pregnancy that you want to avoid this time.

Lose the weight first. I had three DC in the space of 2.5 years. My starting weight was 11 stone which is a healthy BMI for me, by the time DC3 was born I weighed 17 stone. It took me a year of intensive exercise and healthy eating to lose it but that was with an enormous amount of willpower. Looking back I wish I’d lost the 4 stone gained in my first pregnancy before having DC2.

Speaking from my own experience, it's harder to lose afterwards. 19m age gap is very small (my first two children are 32m apart and people comment on how small the gap is) so unless there are other factors to consider you have plenty of time. Pregnancies are statistically higher risk with higher maternal weight and I'm sure you don't want to increase your risks unnecessarily.

Do you think you would be more motivated by a weight/waist measurement target than a time limit? Do you have any ED history that would make weight loss complicated?

And now, very kindly, I'll point out that Mother Nature fucks with your head when your child reaches six months or so. Suddenly they can sit, stuff food in their faces, play with toys, etc, and they aren't completely helplessly dependent on you ... so your ovaries go WHOOP WHOOP LET'S MAKE ANOTHER BABY. You have no idea how challenging DD is going to be in the next six to nine months, nor how dependent on you she will still be in a year.

Do both, and see what happens

Adopt a long term healthier eating approach, do a bit more exercise (if hips/sciatica allow you) like walking swimming.

Don't "do a diet" or a short term fix

Start to live healthier today, for life. Create new habits. It's the only way (long term)

I think you shouldn't be losing "a bit" of the weight you should lose it all first.

Being fit and able for your kids is more important than engineering their age gap.

I had my DD in October also and am still carrying a whole lot of pregnancy (and cake!) weight. I have made the decision to get myself much healthier before we TTC for baby number 2 as I feel I'd be able to enjoy the pregnancy s little more (had awful sciatica and GD during first pregnancy, which doc suggested was down to my weight)

I think it's a personal choice though and you should do what is right for you

@MatildaTheCat Thank you - I did try SW earlier this year, but I found it difficult to fit around feeding DH what he wanted as well as getting everything done for DD and housework

@TheShapeOfEwe Thank you - I'm definitely going to start eating healthy and excerising, need to make a good impression for my DD when she becomes older

@Mousefunky Thank you - it's helpful to know your experience :D

@MrsHathaway Thank you - i thought more than 2 years seems like a long age gap! Really just worried about jealousy/regression and the 2 DC not doing things together. Love your advice about the ovaries!!

@Peanutbuttercups21 Thanks - eating healthier is the plan. Swimming is a good idea, I could fit that by dropping DD off with her GP half an hour earlier on the 2 days a week I work. No ED history and my hips/sciatica is mostly back to normal - just sleeping position effects me still (and not in a predictable way - some nights sleeping on back will be bad, some nights its good)

@VogueVVague Thank you - that sentence "Being fit and able for your kids is more important than engineering their age gap." says it all really

@NoodleKT Thanks - wish I knew what was right for me! :D

For me, a "big" age gap is where you're completely out of the nappies/highchairs/toddler group stage before the next one comes along - so having DC2 after DC1 starts school. It becomes a "really big" age gap if DC1 is well into school, say juniors or even high school.

Each pair of mine is about two and a half years, and they have no recollection of any life before the next baby came (and hadn't had even before their third birthdays). I know two and a half seems ridiculously old and enormous now but it's still a baby itself really. A 19mo is definitely still a baby none of mine was sleeping through by then and all of mine were still bf at that age. I really wouldn't worry about needing to rush it.

TTC and try and lose weight at the same time.

I did this and fell pregnant immediately but I lost the baby. I did get pregnant again quickly though but, keep an open mind. Some things you just can plan for or orchestrate.

My second DS is now 12 weeks old and I joined WW when he was about 5 weeks old, the weight is slowly coming off, but I was lucky enough to have an easy birth and recovery this time so have been able to exercise

I am bigger than you. I’ve just had second DS and there were days I thought I might die. Honestly. The pain from the SPD was 10 x worse and it’s still not resolved. My blood pressure was dangerously high at various points and I remain on medication now.

I didn’t wait because I was getting old. I really wish I had.

On the other hand, I have my son, he’s wonderful and I’m here.

I also followed a low carb diet during most of my pregnancy - it’s perfectly safe, the view it’s not is very outdated - and I was lighter than my pre-pregnancy weight less than a week after giving birth. My son was 9lb 6oz and is in rude health.

Weigh up your pros and cons but IF you have some time try to lose some weight prior - you’ll feel better for it.