Yes I am. And pathetic. But I need telling!

[BertrandRussell]

Dd is an adult. I am perfectly used to her living away from home. She is currently in Canada for two weeks staying with a friend. She will have a wonderful time.

And I absolutely hate her being so far away. I hate the time difference even more-we’re not even looking at the same clock face. I briefly looked at a flight checking site yesterday and the picture of the little green aeroplane with her on it made me cry!

In my (minimal) defense, she has had a hideous year and has needed a lot of support. I have been her safety net. I think I am still psychologically geared up for the role, and need to use this time to redefine myself a bit. Tell me to get a grip, please.

I've got 3 young adult DDs and I can truthfully say that letting them fly the nest has been by far the hardest part of being a parent. I'm torn between pride that they are confident and independent, and feeling utterly redundant . I don't relax when mine are abroad - it's the feeling of knowing you can't get to them in X hours. It isn't pathetic at all - it's how a caring parent feels .

Being someone's safety net is very demanding so be kind to yourself.
I expect like a swan you look serene but under the surface are paddling furiously.
I can see why you miss her and worry for her but as requested, here's a small grip.

Hope she goes from strength to strength.

Another issue is that she is starting a completely new phase of life when she gets back, so I do need to be ready to take up the slack again if necessary.

@BertrandRussell
Dude shes an adult. Chill.

Sometimes adult children still need help though. I'm never going to stop supporting or helping my children, adult or not. My mum who is in her 90s is exactly the same.

I think you need to think now great it is that she feels able to be so far away both in Canada and at home. I went to Canada for 4 months when I was 19 and briefly lived away from home between 21 and 23. DH by contrast moved out at 17 and has lived in England, Australia and Saudi Arabia. I really hope when the time comes DS has more of his dad's opportunities and confidence than mine.

Sure its great to be there if someone needs you but you dont have to be so overinvolved you miss your adult kid when thry go away for a fortnight and use quite intense terms like "safety net" amd "mew chapter of life".
I mean we're all adults here, we fuck up, have accidents, get into shit, have dark times. Let people handle themselves however hard it is, let them build up their own reserves of strength, and be there in cases of absolute necessity - because youre not always going to be around and you need to shape someone who can stand alone.

Db moves to Canada and dm has 2 clocks in her kitchen-U.K. time and Canadian. She misses him terribly. I have Canadian time on my phone but that's because I've been known to FaceTime db at 5am his time

Vogue- in my defense, this is bit more than usual apron strings cutting. But I did ask to be handed a grip, so thank you!

I completely get it, OP. I have an adventurous 23 year old daughter who left me with an empty nest 5 years ago, to go travelling and then to university. I hate it. I’m in constant worry mode and very pathetic. She is currently about 11 hours away from us by plane and train; the nearest she's been to us in those 5 years, apart from the odd flying visit home for a few days, was a 3.5 hour flight away. She is leading her own life and I know it is right that she should, just as I know it is normal that she only gets in touch with me when something bad (or amazingly good) happens, but I am most definitely not part of her daily life. It is actually no consolation to me that I can suppose I've done a reasonably good job of making her into an independent adult. I miss her nearly all the time. (This is compounded by the fact I am jobless and she is an only child.)
Anyhow, Vancouver is a lovely place and this is a nice time of year to be there, your daughter will be having a grand time!

That sounds very sudden and extreme, QuaisMaisBon, I am sorry. Has she settled down in one place now, or still traveling? I had a more usual gradual separation from dd at first, with her away but back for vacations and so on, but then circumstances flung us back together and she was suddenly very dependent on me again in a way neither of us was expecting. So it’s apron string cutting take two.

I hear you, but I have a DS21 and he's come to a bit of a stand still, quit Uni and I would love to see him use this time to travel. That's what life, before responsibilities should look like, to me. I'd be chuffed if I were you. 💐 little hand hold coming your way, because I do hear you too.

Seeing you on another thread about children reminded me to come back here, BertrandRussell.
No, it's not really sudden, or extreme - just our family's circumstances are not "normal" in that she is a “Third Culture Kid”, being the offspring of people from two different countries who was born in a third country. Some years ago, we moved to a fourth country, where she is not comfortable, and where she finished her schooling. She took a gap year to travel, studying, or working to finance herself in various countries all round the world, and then went to university in the UK, choosing to take a course which included a year of work experience abroad. She is now waiting for her first degree results, which hopefully, will be good enough for her to take her chosen Master's degree course at a different university in the UK. She has itchy feet and I have no doubt she will not be settling down in one place any time soon!
As my husband tells me, we have given her the confidence to fly the nest, but also the knowledge we are here if she needs us and that we will support her in all her endeavours (she carefully told me about the white water rafting in South America AFTER the event!). But I've spent many hours of sleepless nights watching flight tracker on her various journeys to different parts of the globe!
I hope your daughter is enjoying Vancouver and keeping you updated!