Peed off with SILs

[Hadalifeonce]

My DS was 18 yesterday; GPs and my DS managed to remember and send cards with money in; bot SILs didn't even manage a card! today 1SIL sent a message on FB to him saying happy birthday, this evening the other sent DH a text asking him to say happy birthday to DS from her. DH responded suggesting she send the message direct to him. If this was the first year this had happened I would perhaps offer an excuse, but it has happened year after year, this was his 18th for goodness sake. He actually asked me this morning whether either has ever sent a card on time, as he can't remember receiving one. I am so angry with them, neither work, both have children at school, so it's not like they don't understand what it means to children to receive cards/presents on the day. I know he's 18, but he is now of the opinion, after years of not receiving cards on his birthday, they they don't care, so he doesn't care about them.

Honestly if they're otherwise nice people I'd just let it go. I'm pretty sure I didn't get cards from all my aunts and uncles on my birthdays growing up. Even big birthdays. My DC never get cards from my DB (he's just disorganised) and usually not one on time from my DSil although she will usually eventually send a gift which is nice. People have busy lives and for lots of people birthdays (even big birthdays) just aren't a huge enough deal to make a big fuss over.

YANBU.

My DCs have 5 aunts and uncles. They get 1 card, maybe 2 but 1 will be mega late to the point it's a waste of time. 1 other usually comments on my Facebook if I've posted a photo of my DC on their birthday. 1 used to send me a text (and my sister told me once she reminds our brothers), 1 doesn't even bother to speak to my DCs once a year when we happen to see her. They have noticed all of this. It's utterly shit.

Mine will come to the same conclusion as yours and actions speak louder than words as they say so I would also conclude that they actually don't give a shit.

Unfortunately, one is very self centered, doesn't even have food in the house when we visit, we have to go shopping if we want to eat. The other is OK, but is in a loveless marriage and has been asking for advise for years, I have stopped offering it as she took notice of anything we said. I know we are all busy, but they are both 'into' family, when it suits them.

Some people are big on cards - others think they are a waste of trees and money. Not getting cards is not something that even crosses my mind.

Do you remind family members of birthdays? My family do but DH’s like to keep it quiet then be all upset when someone misses it.
It’s almost like a bloody test!

Thanks Weirdy, I think if years ago they had said that they won't bother with cards and presents, it would make it easier.

There's more to life than birthdays and birthday cards.... this is a pet hate of mine! If you want to celebrate, celebrate and enjoy. Don't rely on others to make it nice for you

I really don't care if people send me cards on my birthday, but when aunts don't send cards to young children, to whom it means a lot, it really gets my goat, because it's left up to me to explain.
Just say there will be nothing for birthdays, and I won't have to offer excuses.

Am I missing something? Why is it your SILs' responsibility to send a card?

Are your SILs all single or is it only a female responsibility to send cards? I don't even remember which family members sent cards for my 18th tbh it's really not important, I'm sure your DS doesn't really care. (Although i do remember that my aunt bought me a Mr Frosty kids slush maker and some flavoured vodka because I always wanted a Mr F when I was a kid but my mum said they didn't work properly and were a waste of money - she was actually right, over an hour and little more than a tiny bit of ice dust, but I loved the gesture from my aunt)

The SILs are DH's sisters. When cards have been given, usually months later when we see them, it has been the SILs who have writtem them and handed them over.