Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Comments on how I look by in laws

6 replies

Tirednessandmoretiredness · 28/05/2018 19:43

Having some health issues atm. Not sure what is going on exactly but have had issues for years and years mainly effecting things like mobility - awful pain and swelling in joints and exhaustion which appear to be coming to a bit of a head atm. I have a severe limp atm and am carrying quite a bit of extra weight - probably have 3 ish stone I need to lose but struggling due to the pain when I move. Not sure what is causing it yet but blood tests are saying various things such as a high thyroid and low vit d as well as pointing to something auto immune. I have a toddler daughter and think I do pretty well considering.
Last week we had a big meet up with lots of my in laws. A few cousins, aunts, uncles, siblings, DC etc. All know a bit about what is going on but only one or two the full story due to differing levels of closeness. And got no end of comments along the lines of 'you poor thing' 'this must be devastating for you' 'I'm so horrified by this' 'you just look awful, though you cover it well (meaning makeup on the massively dark circles under my eyes)' as well as many stories about friends who have similar symptoms that generally don't have any happy endings. Fine when it was in response to seeing me creak to a standing position or attempting to run after the toddler, but a number of times these comments just suddenly came out of the blue. I'd be sat reading a book to my toddler and suddenly a great aunt (Not old, and experienced it from younger people too so not an age thing) pipes up with 'oh tiredness, you poor thing, I had a friend with the same issues, started at 30 years older than you are mind, the love is totally addicted to painkillers now of course....'
Aibu to have come away from it feeling so dispirited and like they must think I'm pathetic. Or am I Just being oversensitive because I'm in pain etc. We do this meet up regularly and I'm always the one who is struggling cos my asthma is playing up or I have tonsilitis or something else wrong. Tho it seems it might all have been part of the same wider issue. They all seem so damn healthy!

This is probably extremely identifying so I've name changed and if anyone is a family member I don't mean to offend and am not angry myself. Just blue.

OP posts:
RedSkyAtNight · 28/05/2018 19:47

It sounds like they are trying to be sympathetic to me. It can be difficult to know what to say in these sorts of circumstances and people feel that it's a bit callous to say nothing. (I was going to type "poor you, that sounds awful", but not sure whether I should now!)

Lollypop701 · 28/05/2018 19:49

Might stem from knowing you’re ill, wanting to acknowledge but not knowing wtf to say... they’re being insensitive to say the least but only you know if it’s coming from a nice or nasty place . They don’t know what you’re actually going through so smile and tell them to run after dc!!! X

pilotswife · 28/05/2018 19:51

Get your vitamin d levels up, that will make a big difference to your well-being as will getting your thyroid levels sorted. Hope you feel better soon

Tirednessandmoretiredness · 28/05/2018 19:52

See i wouldn't mind that RedSky. It does sound awful. So when it's being talked about I don't mind the sympathetic 'poor you'. It's the intrusive out of the blue comments I don't mind. One day me and by brother in law were discussing the vote in Ireland and one of the cousins say down next to me and just said 'oh you are looking awful, you must be so tired'. Out of the blue, no preamble and totally interrupting us.

OP posts:
Tirednessandmoretiredness · 28/05/2018 19:54

The issue is persuading drs to do anything about it. Everything they say is 'borderline'. Vit d level is just under 40, TSH is only 4.8. Have finally managed to persuade a rhumatology referral to be put through by a roundabout route through physio....

OP posts:
Tirednessandmoretiredness · 28/05/2018 21:44

I'm glad to be told I'm being oversensitive tbh. It's been weighing on my mind for a week since we met up. I'm just tired and hurting I guess. And they vocalized what I'm worried will happen somewhat. I can shrug this off now and carry on.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread