to find this MIL thing weird

[TacoLover]

This might be a Mumsnet anomaly in the sense that I've seen this here a lot but not actually in RL.

Whenever there is a thread about an argument with a family member that is on the OH side(normally MIL) there are a lot of replies telling the OP that OH needs to 'have a word with his mum' or that s/he needs to sort it out. Surely you as a mature adult are capable of sorting out the dispute with the family member yourself? It just seems a bit petty and odd to be sorting out stuff through your OH just because you're not blood related and a bit childish imo. I've seen this a lot in Mumsnet but this hasn't happened in my personal experience.

Aibu or is this weird?

I don't think it's weird. Going directly to the mum could cause family problems and it would be better to go via the son. Otherwise it could be awkward.

I think it depends what the issue is. If the MIL had insulted/upset me, personally, I would discuss with her.

But many issues with MILs (on MN especially) seem to be about the MILs behaviour/attitude etc towards the family and/or their grandchildren. As such, if the grievance were jointly shared by me and by the child of the MIL, then it makes sense to me that they would be the one to broach it with MIL and not me.

It is actually very sibsible. If the DIL try to sort it out the MIL will most likely get even more agitated (bare in mind that these things only happen because either DIL or MIL is being unreasonable). If DH does it then MIL is more likely to be persuaded.

Surely you as a mature adult are capable of sorting out the dispute with the family member yourself? If it was a mutual friend I would obviously sort out the issue myself but if I had an issue with MiL I'd go through my DH because he's obviously closer to his mum than me. If there's an issue in the relationship she's likely to resent my interference much more than if it's was coming from her son.

Obviously if it was something really minor where no on was likely to get upset I'd just deal with it myself but the context in which people usually suggest having DH sorting it is when feelings are likely to or are already getting hurt.